Where Are You Now

After tucking my kids in last night, I went into my room to cry by myself. It's not pretty, I know, but that's where I was. Crawling into bed, I started to hear the words to a song I probably haven't heard for 20 years, and yet I remembered every word:

All alone tonight I'm calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside this part of you remains
Images of love take me back in time
I don't know how it started
Or why it ever had to end
Something stepped inside
We didn't let it in
It's keeping us apart
Where are you now

I sure was feeling all alone last night. Does anything make a person feel more alone than having the person who was quite recently the most cherished of loves feel like a stranger? Can't think of anything:

Going through my life without you by my side
You're the only thing that keeps going through my mind
And nothing that I do can take the place of you

I learned last night that he'd (the man who was my man) be leaving town before we originally thought, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Except broken:

Ooh thinking about you girl
There's gotta be a place for me
Somewhere in your heart

Yep, there's a place. It's not a comfortable place right now, but there is a place.

This past weekend, for the first time in more than 2 1/2 years, I didn't know where he was, or what he was doing. It was a horrible feeling, and I can't imagine that what lies ahead is more of the same. I don't know how I'll get through it. The only thing worse than that is contemplating this:

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight holding what was mine

If there is a God, if and/or when that happens, I won't have to know. I'm not sure I could bear it.

Where are you now
You wonder where I am, I need you here tonight.

No need to wonder where I am. I'm right here. But alas, it would appear that what I need has been rendered unimportant by some very dear to me...