Famous Blue Raincoat

Ok, so it's going to take more than one post to sufficiently mark Leonard Cohen's passing.

This, I determined, while listening last night to his greatest hits, one of which was this beauty:

It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.
I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without Lili Marlene

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --

She sends her regards.

And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear --

Sincerely, L. Cohen

Wow. Just wow. My favorite of all those incredible lines is:

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

I had that experience once, where a man took some of the trouble from my eyes. I wrote about it in this post, which sure feels apropos now that it looks like I might just get to spend a lifetime (at least what's left of it) with the New Englander after all.

I totally get why my friends and likely my therapist will react with concern to me opening myself up for the potential for more pain. I really do. But here's the thing: I love him. He loves me. It would've been great if we could've gotten the job done the first time, both of us ready to enter into a relationship in proportion to what our hearts knew about each other, but that's not the way it went down. It feels like things have really shifted now. I won't know for sure, of course, until we try it again and it sticks this time, or doesn't. Luckily, I trust myself enough to follow the guidance, to read the signs, to stay open and honest with myself about what is happening between us. And that guidance is clear: Here is this man who is crazy about you and who you are crazy about back in your life. Open to it. Choose love. It's so much nicer than the alternative...

Beautiful

Tonight my son and I had dinner together, and he was talking about what you can learn from TV, even from shows that at first glance may not seem educational, like his fave: South Park. I had to agree with him, and though both my kids think it's goofy that I am into Glee, that show does an amazing job of tackling tough topics such as teen pregnancy and body image.

I've been thinking about the body image issue a lot lately. As my daughter gets older, I want to be sure I am a good role model for her of both healthy diet and exercise and healthy self image. There's really no more powerful messenger on this topic than Mercedes from the Glee cast singing Christina Aguilera's Beautiful:

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down... Oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
is that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down....oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

Now I'm not saying it was a mistake to chop my hair off -- I did it because I really needed a dramatic change, and it delivered. But I will say that with winter approaching, I am missing my hair. I miss the way it both looked and felt under my hat. I don't like the feeling of being exposed -- either literally, to the elements -- or more figuratively -- by no longer having the masculine ideal of long hair. And it's not just that. I prefer it that way, both in terms of how it looks and in the convenience of being able to put it up.

It's ok. I know it'll grow back. And as it does, I know that I have an opportunity to embrace a beauty that is much deeper than the kind associated with the length of one's hair:

And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(the sun will always, always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side

Loving the body we're in by being kind to it -- both by not bringing it down with harsh words and by eating well and exercising -- is one of our main missions on this planet -- because it helps us be all we can be in the world.

It would be great if it were simpler, but it just isn't. Not for many of us, anyway. At the hotel gym in Milwaukee I got to talking to a woman who oversees 6 companies now -- by one measure super successful -- but her yo-yoing weight is a never-ending struggle. I reckon the answer to such struggles is to spend more time looking inward, which is a big reason I both practice and teach yoga.

I stumbled on this video a while back online, and along with Christina and Glee, it feels apropos to post it here. It's all about how women see themselves compared to how they look to others, and it's good motivation to connect with the light within so that we can both see and feel it shining, regardless of the length of our hair or our weight on the scale...