Gonna Be Some Changes Made

The national news right now is deeply upsetting, and sometimes it can make me feel powerless. I was feeling down about all of the injustices being rendered by our new president when I was leaving work, but it cheered me hugely to see a group of young (white) students on library mall with a boom box and signs that read:

"Fuck White Supremacy!"

Right on! It's so good to see these pockets of resistance.

Then I went to yoga, where the teacher talked about how it's all of our jobs to do what we do, even if we don't do it that well. That as soon as we try to be someone else, the net gain to the universe is lower. That we all have a key that opens a door, and it's different from our neighbor's keys, and that's a good thing, especially when we're not trying to use our key in their door.

I thought about the implications of this for my own life. I think sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I'm trying to put my key into someone else's door, which can result in a lot of frustration.

I heard this song on the way home from class, and I'm not sure exactly what it's about, but I think it's about the need for tolerance and for being yourself:

Man was a knife expert
Kinda of a Jim Bowie type,
Swaggerin', blusterin', 'coon skin
I said, "You're not serious, right?"

Then I saw him grab my friend by the hair
And I guess I should have prayed
As he dragged him around, I said to myself,
"There's gonna be some changes made"

(Gonna be some changes made)

Girl I knew and loved alone twenty years from afar
With a finger to her lips she led me out to see the stars
She led me down to the gritty lake and in it we did wade
She took my hand and put it there, gonna be some changes made

(Gonna be)

Gonna
Be some
Changes made
Gonna be some changes made!

(Gonna be some changes made)

[Chorus]
Gonna be some changes, changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Look in the mirror I see a clown's face
Gotta take it off, gotta get myself straight

Gonna be some changes, some changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Better figure out something
Things are looking grave
Gonna be some changes, changes, changes made...

Mandolin Rain

September 23??!? Seriously?! And I haven't marked a single day with music yet this month, or at least, I haven't done so in this blog format? That seems impossible.

Yet here we are. I'll tell you what else seems impossible: that the roller coaster of logistics and emotions involved in combining two very different lives, having very nearly jumped the tracks a few times, now seems to be holding steady.

This morning on the way to the coffee shop, my boyfriend and I heard this song, and although the lyrics don't fit the present situation very well:

The song came and went
Like the times that we spent
Hiding out from the rain
Under the carnival tent

I laughed and she'd smile
It would last for awhile
You don't know what you got
Til you lose it all again

Listen to the mandolin rain
Listen to the music on the lake
Oh, listen to my heart break
Every time she runs away

Oh, listen to the banjo wind
A sad song drifting low
Listen to the tears roll
Down my face as she turns to go

A cool evening dance
Listening to the bluegrass band takes the chill
From the air
Til they play the last song

I'll do my time
Keeping you off my mind but there's moments
That I find
I'm not feeling so strong

Running down by the lake shore
She did love the sound of a summer storm
It played on the lake like a mandolin
Now it's washing her away once again... whoa, again

Boat's steaming in
Ho, I watch the side wheel spin and I
Think about her when
I hear that whistle blow

But, I can't change my mind
Oh, I knew all the time that she'd go
But that's a choice I made long ago...

Hearing it confronted me with something else that seems impossible: that the 16-year old girl who loved this song but felt so conflicted about love and men and sex and marriage could finally have found herself in a relationship that just feels like home, in the best sense of the word...