Glycerine (Redux)

If ever there were a song that could encapsulate my entire relationship with the New Englander, this is it:

It must be your skin I'm sinking in
It must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why

Everything's gone white
And everything's gray
Now you're here now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine
Glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one or do you lie?
We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

(That last line might be my very favorite. It's just so perfect. We rose alright. And the fields were full of plump, juicy, perfectly ripened strawberries.)

If I treated you bad
You bruised my face
Couldn't love you more
You got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by

I thought long and hard whether to use this song to mark this day because I have, in fact, already used it, nearly five years ago.

But I decided it was appropriate, for two reasons:

1) I didn't, I couldn't have known then just how perfectly this song would tell the story of my relationship with the man I loved so completely who just couldn't love me back in the same way;

2) This morning on my bikeride to campus, the next two lines played over and over in my head as I sang along out loud (and days fans know about my deference to my inner jukebox):

Could have been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to

Yep. I know that now.

Should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me

But it wasn't easy. Not by a long shot:

I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear simple and plain
Well, that's just fine
That's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you, you, you

Yes, it could have been, but it wasn't.

And I've grown by leaps and bounds as a result...

Santa Monica

While I was looking for the song Ghost for the post a couple of days ago, I came across this rockin' tune, and it has been playing in my head ever since:

I am still livin' with your ghost
Lonely and dreamin' of the west coast
I don't wanna be your downtime
I don't wanna be your stupid game
With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't wanna be the bad guy
I don't wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just wanna see some palm trees
I will try and shake away this disease
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die
I am still dreamin' of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I don't wanna be your good time
I don't wanna be your fallback crutch anymore
Walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and risin' in my own weird way
I don't wanna be the bad guy
I don't wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just wanna feel some sunshine
I just wanna find some place to be alone
Yeah watch the world die

It's good to get clear on what we don't wanna be in this world. Thanks for the inspiration, Everclear!

Neon Tiger

The eye of my very own neon tiger (pants)

When I awoke this morning I had one of those moments when I got very clear about something that I'd been sort of clear about for a long time but had never gotten to the stage where I knew when the next step was coming or what it was.

I'm not ready to say exactly what it is yet, but suffice it to say I feel wayyyyyyyyy more free than I did just yesterday and that feels good.

Speaking of feeling good, I finally made it to a TRX class today. I haven't been in a number of weeks because of being sick and having work meetings that conflicted, but I still felt really strong. The instructor called me out when he was talking about the importance of breathing saying: "Just ask Sarah if you don't believe me. She teaches yoga. The one with the pants." And we all got a good mid-workout laugh in.

At the end of workout, the instructor had us do a partner stretch. I chose a woman next to me who was of similar height, but the partner stretch still didn't really work that well. I wondered aloud why that was and she said: "It's because you're crazy strong!"

I'm telling you, it's all the yoga. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe other fitness classes, running, and biking all help me stay in shape, but I love that I can be pretty dang strong, especially in my upper body, just from doing an hour of yoga six times per week.

Even so, the neon tiger in me sure was grateful for the release during my work day today:

Run neon tiger there's a lot on your mind
They promised just to pet you, but don't you let them get you
Away, away, oh, run
Under heat of the southwest sun

Took to the spotlight like a diamond ring
Came from the woodwork and the hopes they might
Redeem themselves from poor decisions to win big

Run neon tiger there's a lot on your mind
They'll strategize and maim you, but don't you let them tame you
You're far too pure and bold
To suffer the strain of the hand and its hold.

I don't wanna be kept, I don't wanna be caged, I don't wanna be damned, oh hell
I don't wanna be broke, I don't wanna be saved, I don't wanna be S.O.L.
Give me rolling hills and tonight can be the night that I stand among the thousand thrills
Mister cut me some slack, 'cause I don't wanna go back, I want a new day and age

Yes I do. And it's coming. Soon. I can feel it...