Doll Parts

Of all the songs from Juno (which my boyfriend and I watched last night) to blog about, you wouldn't think this one would be high on the list. Don't get me wrong -- I have a soft spot for Courtney Love -- and was fascinated by these recent photos of her daughter, Frances Bean, who seems to have inherited the best part of her mother and father, at least in terms of looks -- but that soundtrack has tons of amazing songs on it. I chose this one because this is the song that Jason Bateman (who, as a young man, smiled down from a poster on my wall when I was a teenager) and Juno first bond over, as they sing together:

Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do

Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too

I want to be the girl with the most cake

I love him so much it just turns to hate

I fake it so real, I am beyond fake

And someday, you will ache like I ache

Someday, you will ache like I ache

The first time I saw the movie, I thought their relationship was sweet. The second time around, I was still inclined to be charitable, but my boyfriend felt like he crossed a line. And maybe he did.

So many things about the movie are so funny, but so much of it is sad, too... The Jason Bateman character really just wants to be cool and appreciated for the things he loves about himself; his wife just wants a child; Juno just wants to do the right thing and be loved, and they all gain and lose something pretty profound throughout the course of the movie.

That's sort of how I feel about Courtney Love, too; some things about her music are pretty profound, but there's also a deeply sad sense of all that she's lost.

May we try to avoid aching like she aches (ached?), and if we have to go there, may we also add something beautiful to the world at the same time, as she has through her music and her daughter...

Miss World

You know you're not waking up in a great frame of mind when Hole is the music playing on your internal alarm clock -- at least, that's not a good sign for me -- especially when it wakes me up earlier than I want to be up.

I remember the time in my life when I loved this album and it was characterized by a pretty high degree of self loathing, as is evident in these lyrics I used to be so fond of screaming:

I am the girl you know, can't look you in the eye

I am the girl you know, so sick I cannot try

And I am the one you want, can't look you in the eye

I am the girl, you know I lie, I lie and lie

I'm mostly not that girl anymore. I don't have trouble looking people in the eye and thanks to many, many modes of healing, I'm definitely not so sick I cannot try.

But I'm still struck by how I can be sent reeling (even temporarily) by being told I'm somehow not meeting expectations, whether in my personal or professional life. It's a good reminder that I need to set my own expectations for myself and mostly measure myself against them, but I also want to remember that it's ok to have room to grow, and I don't need to shut down when such an opportunity has been identified. Not now that I'm well enough to try...