Love Me Two Times

I heard this song on the radio on the way to yoga today:

Love me two times, baby
Love me twice today
Love me two times, girl
I'm goin' away
Love me two times, girl
One for tomorrow
One just for today
Love me two times
I'm goin' away

And it prompted lots of thoughts and feelings, among them:

1) I am indeed goin' away soon. I'm going up to Copper Harbor to camp and enjoy some really excellent mountain biking. I love it up there. It's so beautiful. I'm excited. It's just that every time I even think about actually going up there without the New Englander, I start crying.

Well, I told myself as Jim Morrison crooned away in the background, maybe this is just the next layer of the grieving process. Last year I wanted to go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it in the end. This year, despite all the tears, it feels like I'm really going to make the trek.

Love me one time
I could not speak
Love me one time
Yeah, my knees got weak
But love me two times, girl
Last me all through the week
Love me two times
I'm goin' away
Love me two times
I'm goin' away

2) Now that I'm not with the man who loved me two times and then some, I pondered whether I should try to rustle up some other male accompaniment to make the journey with me. You know, someone else to love me two times. As I recall, I pondered the same thing last year. It seemed like it would be easier to face the loss if I had someone else on whom to focus.

I'm sure it would be easier. And if said adventuresome man had walked (or ridden) into my life by now, I'm sure he'd be accompanying me on this trip. But he hasn't. And I'm not about to go hunting for someone for the purpose of making a loss easier to bear. That's not how I roll.

So I'm going to be brave. I'm going to do it alone. I've never camped alone before, so it feels a little daunting, but I have a feeling that going through with this under present circumstances will be good for me. More growing and all that:

Oh, yes

Love me two times, babe
Love me twice today
Love me two times, babe
'Cause I'm goin' away
Love me two time, girl
One for tomorrow
One just for today
Love me two times
I'm goin' away
Love me two times
I'm goin' away
Love me two times
I'm goin' away

Riders on the Storm

My kids and I hit Granite Peak Ski Area today and had a great time, despite the bitter cold.

That's right, because we were channeling our inner Jim Morrisons:

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we're born
Into this world we're thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan
Riders on the storm

There's a killer on the road
His brain is squirmin' like a toad
Take a long holiday
Let your children play
If you give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the road, yeah

Girl, you gotta love your man
Girl, you gotta love your man
Take him by the hand
Make him understand
The world on you depends
Our life will never end
Gotta love your man, yeah

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we're born
Into this world we're thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan.
Riders on the storm

Yep, that's us!

Light My Fire

Sticking with the fire theme, I read this week that the Doors keyboardist, Ray Manzarek, died at 74, from cancer, and this was the song that starting playing internally:

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher

Come on baby, light my fire
Come on baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire

The time to hesitate is through
No time to wallow in the mire
Try now we can only lose
And our love become a funeral pyre

Lose? Funeral pyre? I really, really, wish that those lyrics didn't apply in the situation where my fire, pretty damn bright all by itself, got much higher than it's ever been before. Sometimes I just can't quite believe that it's happening this way...

Touch Me

Woke up this morning with Jim Morrison's voice in my head, which doesn't often happen, but the internal jukebox knew what it was doing. Today is the last full day we get to spend together for a month or two, and as hard as I try to avoid it, the desperation kicked in a bit with that realization this morning.

It's different this time -- the desperation, that is -- than it has been with previous visits. This time I'm not worried about whether it's going to work out or not, because I know it will. It's just the simple fact that I'm going to have to go without the physical contact for multiple weeks that really sent me into Doorsland this morning:

Come on, come on, come on

Come on now touch me, baby

Can't you see that I am not afraid?

Now, I'm gonna love you

Till the heavens stop the rain

I'm gonna love you

Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I...