Seeing Things

Let's face it, being sick mostly sucks. I've been in bed for nearly three days straight, and asleep for most of it. I wake up when I'm hungry or have to go to the bathroom, I take care of my needs, and I go back to sleep. It ain't pretty. My kids are at their Dad's, and there's no one here to take care of me, so I do what I have to do for myself. It's lonely and kinda depressing.

But there is one upside to being this sick. I feel like I am seeing the world, and my own life, through different eyes, and that changes what is possible.

I stumbled on this song by The Black Crowes today, and they seem to know a little something about seeing things differently:

I find it hard to shed a tear
You brought it all on yourself my dear
Wrong, yes I may be
Don't leave a light on for me
'Cause I ain't comin' home
It hurts me baby to be alone
Yes, it hurts me baby

A hundred years will never ease
Hearing things I won't believe
I saw it with my own two eyes
All the pain that I can't hide
And this pain starts in my heart
And this love tears us apart
You won't find me bent down on my knees
Ain't bendin' over backwards baby
Not to please

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time
I'm seeing things for the first time, oh yeah
I'm seeing things for the first time
In my life, in my life

I used to dream
Of better days that never came
Sorry ain't nothin' to me
I'm gone and that's the way it must be
So please I've done my time
Lovin' you is such a crime
You won't find me down on, on my knees
Won't find me over backwards baby
Just to please

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time
I"m seeing things for the first time
Seeing things for the first time
Oh I'm seeing things for the first time
Yeah, seeing things for the first time
I'm seeing things for the first time
Yeah, I'm seeing things for the first time
In my life, in my life

Here I am pre date at Colectivo: feeling unsure

Yep, and I'm looking forward to what is going to be revealed over the next few months. It's gotta be something. I went on a date for the first time in about a year on Friday night. It was a disappointment. No connection, no spark, nothing real in common. I'm telling myself I needed to go on that date to officially change columns to being open to something new, but I know the Universe can find a better match for me than someone who makes very little eye contact, talks about the fact that he works a lot at every opportunity (one might even say he creates opportunities to talk about this), someone whose idea of exercise is an elliptical machine, someone who has only been divorced for three weeks.

Naw.

That's not going to cut it, Universe. We can do better. I just know it. One of the things I've been thinking about is how, right before I had that reunion with my first love, I met the New Englander. It was as if the Universe was trying to say "No, don't go down that road again! Why would you want to when you could be exploring this road?"

It's time once again for me to be shown the new road to explore. Just as soon as I can get out of this bed...