Breakdown

Usually when I go to acupuncture, I tell her what's going on with me and I trust my acupuncturist to give me what I need. It's not that I didn't trust her today, it's just that I was very clear on what I needed: to lie on my stomach and have the needles in my back assist me in releasing all the grief and fear I had been housing since the trip to Michigan (and some of it for a lot longer than that).

She agreed that was an appropriate treatment, and onto my belly I went. The release came almost immediately, and it was so, so helpful to let go of some of it.

Later in the day, I heard Tom Petty's song about breakdowns, and it feels like just the song to mark this day:

It's all right if you love me
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I've got the feeling you won't

There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We said all there is to say

Baby Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I standin' here can't you see
Breakdown, it's all right
It's all right
It's all right

Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I standin' here can't you see
Breakdown, it's all right
It's all right
It's all right

Since I don't have a honey with whom to breakdown, I sure am grateful for my acupuncturist (and other members of my pit crew), for being there for me...

Learning to Fly

That's my boy on the far left, in his first year o' life

I'm up a little early this morning -- my sleep is all goofy from being in California earlier in the week -- and plus, I think my body knew I needed a bit of processing time to properly prepare for this day.

Thirteen years ago today, I gave birth to a baby boy. Yep, today marks the official beginning of the teenage years, so it seems fitting that my internal ipod chose this song with which to wake me this morning:

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Being a parent is such an incredible gift, such an invitation to explore all the possibilities, and the pitfalls, of the human form. Ranking right up there in both of those categories is learning to let go, to hold on a bit more loosely, to see what is able to flourish when we allow for more space.

In my son's case, I'm constantly amazed at the young man he's rapidly becoming, and I get to be there to celebrate his many victories when he manages to fly, and help cushion the blow when he comes down, which as Tom reminds us, is inevitable sometimes:

I'm learning to fly, around the clouds,
But what goes up must come down

And although a part of me will always miss the infant that he was, that time of almost total dependence, another part celebrates every step he takes toward independence, just as I celebrated his very first steps...

Running Down a Dream

We heard this Tom Petty classic en route to our inaugural family mountain biking trip:

It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down

I had the radio on, I was drivin'

"This is apropos," my boyfriend said. "We are running down a dream."

It only took me a couple of seconds to figure out what he meant.

Not surprisingly, the process of integrating a 45-year old mountain-adventure-loving dude into a Midwestern family just getting its legs as a threesome ain't exactly seamless. As those with kids are well aware, they challenge us to deal with parts of ourselves that we'd much prefer to run away from, or allow to lie dormant. It can be a painful process to witness, and it scares the crap out of me that it is possible that it won't work out, that we won't all be able to get our needs met as a foursome.

Whew. In the meantime, I reckon I'll just take Tom's advice and stay on the path:

Runnin' down a dream

That never would come to me

Workin' on a mystery, goin' wherever it leads

Runnin' down a dream

Free Fallin'

Let the melting begin! When I got into my car this afternoon, the thermometer read 50 degrees -- and even without the direct sun, it was a solid 45 degrees. Ahhhhhh. I've been doing a damn fine job of winter appreciation this year, if I do say so myself, but snow and cold just cannot compare to sunshine and warmth for me. I started my car, opened my sun roof for the first time in months, (but left my seat heater on for good measure), and as if in celebration, this song was playing:

And I'm free, I'm free fallin'...

Tom released this gem during my senior year of high school. I can remember driving around with my friend Troy in his new Cougar (this was a time when the animal shared its name with automobiles but not with pouncing older women), and just cranking this song. I'm happy to report that a couple decades plus later, it was just as satisfying to crank it in my Volvo!