Boob Spelled Backward is Boob

Today's important event: this girl's birthday!

Ahhh, Facebook. You waster of time. You loyal reminder of life's important events. You sharer of life's sorrows and joys.

Today's song comes from the latter category:

I imagine that I'm floating on a gentle river
I'm moving fast down a waterfall
And I'm falling, falling to my end

Never forget the good things in life
Like candy, life, eating, having fun
Because the end all that matters
All that matters is you

I am dreaming I'm a leaf on a tree

I'm swaying all around in the breeze

But then a crow jumps out and I fall

I get covered in weeds

Never forget the good things in life
Like candy, life, eating, having fun
Because the end all that matters
All that matters is you

Boob spelled backwards is boob
Boob spelled backwards is boob
Boob spelled backwards is boob
It's boob

Yes, Archer (songwriter and son of Mom with breast cancer), it is. You're pretty awesome for writing this song, the musicians who recorded it for you are pretty awesome too, and the most awesome news of all is that your Mom is still with you.

Thanks for deepening my already deep gratitude for the joy and privilege of motherhood. I've had a rich, varied and interesting life so far, but being a Mom is far and away the greatest thing I am and the greatest thing I've ever done...

i

Breathe for Change: Changing the world, one teacher at a time

What a day.

It began with a beautiful Breathe for Change workshop, which felt a little bittersweet because I made the decision yesterday to let go of my work with that organization for right now in order to make space for work with a salary commensurate with both my experience and my needs.

So that was a big deal.

And then what was supposed to be a practice session at my house with my favorite student turned into a conversation on the couch about being single parents, divorce, what I'm going to do with my life, our relationship, sex, exes, fantasies -- all the good stuff was in there.

It was about as satisfying as a conversation can be with someone who you kinda wish would just crawl in bed with you but in some ways you're just as willing to settle for a really satisfying hug at the door because you know damn well he's not in a place to love you right now.

You know?

And the day was capped off by a really awesome 7th grade concert tonight put on by my very own 7th grader and her classmates. The band sounded great, the orchestra sounded good, and the choir was awesome.

This song was one of the choral numbers tonight, and one of, though not the only, songs that made me cry today:

I done been through a whole lot
Trials and tribulations, but I know God
Satan wanna put me in a bow-tie
Praying that the holy water don't go dry, yeah yeah
As I look around me
So many motherfuckers wanna down me
But ain't no nigga never drown me
In front of a dirty double-mirror they found me

I didn't grow up in the ghetto, but I done been through a whole lot too. And I'm grateful for all of it, especially my good fortune to emerge, just like kendrick lamar, loving myself:

And I love myself
(The world is a ghetto with guns and picket signs)
I love myself
(But it can do what it want whenever it wants and I don't mind)
I love myself
(He said I gotta get up, life is more than suicide)
I love myself
(One day at the time, sun gone shine)

Hey Hey My My

This morning in the car on my way to practice, this song came on:

Hey, hey, my, my
Rock and roll can never die
There's more to the picture than meets the eye
Hey, hey, my, my

Out of the blue and into the black
You pay for this, but they give you that
And once you're gone, you can't come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black

The king is gone but he's not forgotten
Is this the story of the Johnny Rotten?
It's better to burn out 'cause rust never sleeps
The king is gone but he's not forgotten

Hey, hey, my, my
Rock and roll can never die
There's more to the picture than meets the eye

And I just felt so grateful to be living in this world with Neil Young, so happy when I heard his voice coming through my speakers.

Then I got to the studio and we had a record breaking group practicing today -- it felt so great. I feel so lucky to have found this path from surviving to thriving, and so grateful to be able to share it with others...

Last Christmas

The godmother of spilling

Tonight I had the good fortune of gathering with some amazing women at an amazing house to spill -- or write what was on our minds and hearts as prompted by our fearless leader (pictured at left in her evergreen boa).

The first time I joined the group was two months ago, and I was struck by how much more freedom and poetry they all had in their writing. I took a month off, and when I returned, I was determined to find a little more freedom myself.

In some ways I managed -- I didn't use my computer this time, I used good old fashioned pen and paper -- but I was pretty bummed when the lovely writing prompts (from the poetry of Nayyirah Waheed) led me to the well-worn topic of my heartbreak at the departure of the New Englander.

This is what I wrote:

"it isn't so much that i look for you,
but that i find you.
i find you in the expected places --
the trails we rode together, the parks where we camped, the bed where we slept...
and i'm ok with that
i'm prepared for those memories
i've practiced those tears
i know where they'll fall

it's when i find you where we haven't been
where we didn't get to go

that's when the idea of a second heart
a heart that doesn't have to forget you
a heart that's never met you
starts to seem like
my only path to freedom."

I cried while I was writing it, I cried while I was reading it. I thought by now I'd be past this point, but it seems, I'm not. So I'm just going to try to be gentle with myself.

And while I work on that, I'm gonna listen to Wham:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special (special)

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special (special)

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special (special)

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year,
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
Special, someone, someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special

Who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone, hold my heart and watch it burn

I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I thought you were here to stay
How can love be for a day?
I thought you were someone special, gave you my heart

I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
You gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone

...special.

Yes.

I.

Will.

Baby I Need Your Lovin'

Alexandria, VA: Some see cobblestones, I see hearts

Ahhhhhh travel. It never fails to give me a new perspective.

At my massage the other day, the therapist told me that the man I've been crushing on is emotionally unavailable.

To some degree, I think she's projecting, and to some degree, I think she's right.

But it wasn't until I got on an airplane yesterday that I could really feel that she was right and what's more, that it didn't matter, because there's no scarcity of people to love (and be loved by) out there.

There I was, seated next to this handsome young hottie, and it was all I could do not to move on over into his lap. There's something about being that close to an attractive man that brings out the part of me that really, really, wants and need physical contact from the opposite sex.

Sing it Four Tops:

Baby, I need your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Although you're never near
Your voice I often hear
Another day, 'nother night
I long to hold you tight
'Cause I'm so lonely

Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Baby I need your lovin'
Got to have all you lovin'

Some say it's a sign of weakness
For a man to beg
Then weak I'd rather be
If it means having you to keep
'Cause lately I've been losing sleep

Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Baby I need your lovin'
Got to have all you lovin'

Lonely nights echo your name
Oh, sometimes I wonder
Will I ever be the same?
Oh yeah! When you see me smiling
You know things have gotten worse
Any smile you might see has all been rehearsed
Darling, I can't go on without you
This emptiness won't let me live without you
This loneliness inside, darling
Makes me feel half alive

Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Baby I need your lovin'
Got to have all you lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

I really do got to, and here's what this trip to Alexandria has taught me: I don't need to fixate on one person to satisfy those needs. All I have to do is know that I can draw the love to me that I am ready and willing to give.

That and, as I learned in my yoga class this morning, I need to find the balance between an open heart and a strong back. Both are needed for health and happiness, physically and emotinally...

Growing Up

A girl's gotta have a new lid for a Wisco winter!

Heard this song in the car today after my massage:

They say boys don't cry
But your dad has shed a lot of tears
They say I should be a strong man
But baby, I'm still filled with fear
Sometimes I don't know who I am
Sometimes I question why I'm here
I just wanna be a good dad
Will I be I have no idea
They say girls shouldn't be tough
And moms should raise their kids at home
But baby, I know that that isn't true
'Cause your momma's the toughest person I know
I wanna raise you to be like her
And watch you show the world how to do it on your own
I'm still tryna figure out who I am
I don't wanna mess this up or do this wrong
I'm gonna be there for your first breath
I don't know if I'll be there for your first step
I can promise you that I'll try to work less
But the tour's routed, and I got this album
Put in so many hours, and I just want the outcome
To be something that I can look back and I can be proud of
Don't wanna be a dad that's living in FaceTime
But I've got a world to sing to and you at the same time
I won't spoil you, you can trust that
For your sweet sixteen, you get a bus pass
Had your heart broken, been there, done that
I love you and I can't give you enough of that
Get back to community that raised you up
Read Langston Hughes, I suggest A Raisin in the Sun
Listen to Sam Cooke, a change gon' come
You put the work in, don't worry about the praise, my love
Don't try to change the world, find something that you love
And do it every day
Do that for the rest of your life
And eventually, the world will change

I'll be patient, one more month
You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb
Times are changing, I know, but who am I if
I'm the person you become
If I'm still growing up, up, up, up
I'm still growing up, up, up, up
I'm still growing up

Which seemed apropos given that the massage therapist was talking about being the age she is and still having so much she hasn't quite figure out. She said it like it was a problem, but I reckon that's the point, to keep trying to figure it out:

I recommend that you read The Alchemist
Listen to your teachers, but cheat in calculus
Tell the truth, regardless of the consequence
And every day, give your momma a compliment
Take your girl to the prom
But don't get too drunk hanging out the limo
Slow dance with your woman in your arms
Sneak her in after but boy, you better tiptoe
Don't wake your mom up,do yoga, learn 'bout karma
Find God, but leave the dogma
The quickest way to happiness learning to be selfless
Ask more questions, talk about yourself less
Study David Bowie, James Baldwin and 2Pac
Watch the sun set with best friends from a rooftop
Wear a helmet, don't be stupid,jaywalk, but look before you do it
If it snows, go outside, build a jump, get some help
Get a sled, thrash the hill with your friends, 'til it melts
Go to festivals, camp, fall in love and dance
You're only young once, my loved one, this is your chance
Take risks, 'cause life moves so fast
You're only young once, my loved one, this is your chance

I'll be patient, one more month
You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb
Times are changing, I know, but who am I
If I'm the person you become
If I'm still growing up, up, up, up
I'm still growing up, up, up, up

It's been a while since my babies were young enough to wrap their fingers around my thumb. I miss those days, there's no doubt that I do, but I'm grateful, so grateful for the fine young people that they are, and I look forward to the day that their babies will wrap their fingers around my thumb:

I'll be patient, one more month
You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb
Times are changing, I know, but who am I
If I'm the person you become
If I'm still growing up, still growing up, still growing up
If I'm still growing up, still growing up, still growing up

Even if, even then:

If I'm still growing up
I'm still growing up, ooh
I'm still growing up
I'm still growing up

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Feels good to stand for something I believe in!

Today didn't start off that awesome, but it just kept getting better. It started turning around when I went for a run with a friend -- and the sun even came out for a bit of our run.

But mostly, I just really enjoyed spending time with my kids today. They helped me make this photo to post to Facebook for giving Tuesday, willingly helped out with housework and pet care, were engaging at dinner without me having to pry, and created an obstacle course for our after dinner entertainment!

I am so grateful for this time with my kids, especially now that I can feel that in not too long a time, they will go off to college.

So today's song about appreciating life is one from my childhood. It's religious, which my upbringing sorta was and sorta wasn't (Mom=Episcopalian, Dad=Atheist):

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful:
the Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
each little bird that sings,
God made their glowing colors,
and made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful:
the Lord God made them all.

The purple-headed mountains,
the river running by,
the sunset and the morning
that brightens up the sky.

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful:
the Lord God made them all.

The cold wind in the winter,
the pleasant summer sun,
the ripe fruits in the garden:
God made them every one.

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful:
the Lord God made them all.

I'm indeed grateful for all things bright and beautiful, but most of all, I'm grateful for the two magical creatures I made myself (with a little help from their father, of course)!