Exodus

I'm continuing to listen to/read the remarkable book Between the World and Me. It's such brilliant writing. Such a good prompt for reexamining one's beliefs. I just found out that I'm going to be teaching the Politics of Education in the Fall and I am thinking I will have my students read it, for what is politics but the relationship of the individual and the whole?

In the letter I was reading today, Ta'Nehisi Coates' talks about this song as being the soundtrack to his just-after-college time:

Exodus: Movement of Jah people! Oh-oh-oh, yea-eah!

Men and people will fight ya down (Tell me why!)
When ya see Jah light. (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)
Let me tell you if you're not wrong; (Then, why?)
Everything is all right.
So we gonna walk - all right! - through de roads of creation:
We the generation (Tell me why!)
(Trod through great tribulation) trod through great tribulation.

Exodus, all right! Movement of Jah people!
Oh, yeah! O-oo, yeah! All right!
Exodus: Movement of Jah people! Oh, yeah!

Yeah-yeah-yeah, well!
Uh! Open your eyes and look within:
Are you satisfied (with the life you're living)? Uh!
We know where we're going, uh!
We know where we're from.
We're leaving Babylon,
We're going to our Father land.

2, 3, 4: Exodus: movement of Jah people! Oh, yeah!
(Movement of Jah people!) Send us another brother Moses!
(Movement of Jah people!) From across the Red Sea!
(Movement of Jah people!) Send us another brother Moses!
(Movement of Jah people!) From across the Red Sea!
Movement of Jah people!

I wish I'd known the power of Bob Marley while he was still on this Earth. We could use his healing vibes in this country right about now...

Waiting in Vain

I decided to take my friends' advice and get back out there via the wacky world of internet dating. So far I've encountered a handful of people -- all of whom happen to be in their 30s -- who feel like they'd be worth my while to meet:

1) A powder-chasing mountain lover who thinks a ski trip up to the UP would be a great date;
2) An artist who resembles Jonah Hill and sounds like a fun and interesting person; and
3) A funny, divorced father-of-two who declares in his profile that he'll never love anyone the way he loves his ex wife.

Now one could argue that all three of these dudes could have red flags -- the first one might be painfully similar to the New Englander, the second is not the kind of guy I'm typically attracted to, and the third -- well, what's the point of dating someone who declares he'll never get over his ex wife?

Part of me agrees with each of those assessments, but with the first one, it seems like it's worth it to take the chance since he just might have many of the fabulous qualities of the East Coast Adventurer I last gave my heart to without some of the more complicated ones.

With the second, I've also gotten the advice to go out with people that I might not normally go out with -- I think this is a gentle way of saying my picker is broken but I know it's meant as a kindness.

And with the third, I have to admire his honesty, and since I am also a straight shooter -- I gave him honesty right back, telling him:

"Although I still can't fathom loving anyone else the way I loved my last boyfriend, I refuse to believe that we live in a world where we have to live without the loves with whom we are meant to spend our lives. Ergo, either my ex is going to realize he made a huge mistake and move back to Wisconsin and put a ring on my finger, OR I'm going to fall in love again, just as hugely, with someone else. But it's got to be one of those."

Now there could be other scenarios, but I believe from the deepest part of me that they all involve me having a lover who is fully capable of speaking my love languages (physical touch and quality time) and being my partner. So what's the point of going out with someone who doesn't believe that? I can guess that there's probably only really a point if, upon meeting, it feels like we could have a real friendship. In other words, having drinks with him will be the opposite of a regular date -- it I'm attracted to him, I'm not going to want to see him again. I've had enough of putting myself out there for someone who is not fully out there himself for this lifetime, thank you very much. But if I'm not, and if we're able to talk about love and loss and life and parenting and divorce and help one another muddle through these respective losses, well, then, that might just be worth something.

What I do not want, as I made clear to this pseudo-suitor, is what Bob Marley didn't want:

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.

I'm tired of waiting there. The New Englander explicitly told me he didn't want me to wait in vain. I'm trying not to -- putting myself out there again. So you can be damn sure I'm not going to let myself end up in another situation where I want something that the man I want it from doesn't have to give:

It's been three years since I'm knockin' on your door,
And I still can knock some more:
Ooh girl, ooh girl, is it feasible?
I wanna know now, for I to knock some more.
Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief,
But your love is my relief:
Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waiting - while I'm waiting for my turn,
See!

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love, oh!

Nope, I don't wanna wait in vain for anybody's love.

Because I can tell you that it is not a good feeling to come to the conclusion about someone you love that the prophet comes to at the end of this song:

It's me love that you're running from...

Not a good feeling at all.

Three Little Birds

Three little birds inside their happy little tent

With Memorial Day weekend upon us and no trip to the cabin in our plans, we decided to camp for a night at Governor Dodge State Park and then go from there to my son's noon soccer game -- also in Dodgeville.

Because we hatched our plan late in the game, the only campsites available were Horse Camp -- which I dinged because I thought it might be noisy and smelly -- and a group site. The group site was $25 more than a regular site, but as it turned out, it was worth every penny. We had a huge wooded space to ourselves. No listening to other people partying or snoring while we were trying to sleep -- just the three of us in our tent.

Our huge, awesome campsite

Before we left town yesterday, my daughter had a music program at her school. Her Dad and I were so happy to see how actively she participated -- we haven't seen her sing so freely since preschool. This was one of the songs she sang, and given our idyllic surroundings, and the variety of birdcalls we got to hear from our tent this morning, this song seems perfect to mark this day:

Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Can't see a lot of it here but the sky was gorgeous!

Rise up this mornin',
Smile with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Each by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou: "

Don't get me wrong. There were things to worry about. I suppose there always are. For one thing, my daughter wasn't feeling well on the drive last night and consequently wasn't feeling like camping was a good idea. I had to keep the faith for both of us that it would all work out.

Yeah, it was touch and go for a while, but there was a moment -- after we'd finished our delicious breakfast sandwiches and crawled back in the tent to relax under the bright blue sky -- when my daughter remarked about how much she loved the feeling of relaxing in the tent. We all concurred. And in that moment, every little thing was all right...

Redemption Song

Today's blog post is inspired by a funny little exchange with my daughter.

My boyfriend's friend is writing a book with what I think is a very catchy title: "Freedom is just a fart away." When I ever so uncharacteristically passed gas this morning, my daughter responded with: "Gross Mom!" and I answered her by telling her about the book title. She looked at me quizzically, and then giggled a little. Later in the day, she too broke wind, but instead of being embarrassed as she has been in the past, she recited the book title too: "Freedom is just a fart away," and snickered. I reckon this author is on to something with that theme of liberation. Even if the redemption of which he writes is a bit less complete than this beautiful Bob is wailing about, it's no less important:

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery

None but ourselves can free our minds

Have no fear for atomic energy

'Cause none of them can stop the time

How long shall they kill our prophets

While we stand aside and look? Ooh

Some say it's just a part of it

We've got to fullfil the book

Won't you help to sing

These songs of freedom?

'Cause all I ever have

Redemption songs