Don't You Wanna Stay

Here I am pre-ride, before my feet were numb!

I heard this song yesterday in the car on my way home from Fermenation Fest, and it came back to me this morning in the wee hours:

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
Don't you wanna hold each other tight?
Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?

Yes, once again, I'm up earlier than I want to be, but I'm trying to just accept that maybe there's a reason for it. Time to write, perhaps?

Speaking of writing, I've begun my third attempt at writing a Modern Love column about my romance with the New Englander. I think the problem the first couple of times I tried to write it was I didn't know what the message or takeaway is. That could still be a problem, because I'm still a little confused, but this time around, I'm gonna own the confusion instead of pretending I get it.

You see, earlier this year, on MLK Jr. day, I asked him what his dream was, and he said: "You mean besides going to sleep and waking up next to Archie?"

That melted my big old heart, but it begs the question: What happened to that dream?

Close-up of the bean/bottle cap art

Did it change? I don't think so. Because I could feel in Portland just how sure our bodies and our hearts are about each other:

I really hate to let this moment go
Touching your skin, and your hair falling slow
When a goodbye kiss, feels like this

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
Don't you wanna hold each other tight?
Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
We can make forever feel this way
Don't you wanna stay?

Let's take it slow, I don't wanna move too fast
I don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last
When you're up this high, it's a sad goodbye

Yes it is. Take it from me.

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
Don't you wanna hold each other tight?
Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?
Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
We can make forever feel this way
Don't you wanna stay?

Oh yeeah

Oh, you feel so perfect, baby
Yeah, you feel so perfect, baby

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?

I reckon a big part of him did, but the fear won out over the love.

Having that dream would've meant working through the fear, and he didn't have it in him, at least not at that point in his life.

Thankfully, I'm not going to let that happen in my own life. I'm going to fight for my dreams. I may not get to control who I spend my life with, but I can control whether I choose to be guided by fear or by love.

And I'm gonna choose love every single time...

Wings

This adventure girl is no fair weather rider

I woke up early this morning and decided to reach out to some friends in England. One of them, probably my closest friend the year I lived there, wrote back with some words of encouragement:

"Don't worry, the ones that run deep are the same ones that give us wings."

And I believe her. I do.

As my ipod reminded me this morning, so does Josh Ritter:

Yeah
It's my home—last night I dreamt that I grew wings
I found a place where they could hear me when I sing.

And today, even though the forecast included snow, rain, temperatures in the 30s and 40s, and strong winds, I decided to use my wings (with a little help from my Volvo) to head to Reedsburg for Fermentation Fest.

I was determined to "bike the Dtour" -- but decided to do half (approximately 25 miles) instead of all of it (50 miles) so that I could leave a few hours later and hopefully miss the rain.

My photos didn't manage to capture the beauty.

I set off about 1pm. This was my first long road ride on country roads -- and what a place to do it. It was hilly, and it was chilly, but man, was it beautiful.

Believe it or not -- and I guess you just might believe it since I've already described the weather -- I was the only cyclist I saw all day. Lots of people were driving the Farm/Art tour, but I was the only one on my bike this afternoon, at least that I saw. Which, I'm not gonna lie, just made me feel like more of a badass.

It also gave me plenty of time to just be in the present moment experiencing the day. Here were my big takeaways:


*Exceeding the speed limit on my road bike (in places where it was 25) was an awesome feeling.

*When it's really cold and windy, the downhills (although they allow you to go super fast) are super cold!

*Especially on those long climbs, I felt very grateful for both my fitness level and my fiery constitution.

*Cows are more interested in cyclists than one might think (or maybe I was just a little lonely).

*Wisconsin brat and beer cheese soup never tasted better than when I came in from the cold and my chicken and biscuit special included the soup bar for $7. Can't beat that!

*One cool thing about a long bike ride as opposed to a long run is that you can stop in the middle of burning tons of calories to eat a whole bunch, drink a beer, and then get right back on your bike without suffering for it.

*Spending four hours alone on a bike is good for the soul!