Drive

Tonight, for the first time in about a year, I decided to run around the Arboretum. I remember when 6 miles was no big deal -- last spring and summer I was doing two 6-8 mile runs/week. And then something happened. Right before I went to Maine, my body just said no. No more running. You're not going to do this right now. So I listened. I stopped. I ran like a mile when I was in Maine and then I just really stopped.

Since then, I've dabbled a bit in coming back to running. This Spring I ran with a yoga friend who was pretty out of shape, so we ran slowly and the longest run was 4 miles. When I was at the cabin last week, I ran around the lake a couple of times, which is 3 miles.

Mostly I've been riding my bike and practicing yoga. And that has felt like enough -- sometimes throwing in a little mountain biking.

But tonight, when my daughter asked if we could drive (rather than ride as we usually do) to soccer practice and my son was at a friend's house, I decided to run one of my old loops. And for the most part, it felt good!

This was one of the many songs I enjoyed on Slacker while I ran, and it pretty well captures how I am feeling these days in my life:

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh
It's driven me before, and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine... hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

I Miss You

Here's another song for which I didn't quite get the timing right to mark my day:

To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.

I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you

...because my love has been gone a lot longer than 10 days -- it's been almost 8 months. It's hard for me to believe I've tolerated being alone for that long. I really miss being touched. I miss having another body in my bed.

Now that we're talking again and have a visit on the horizon, I know that this time apart is finite even if it feels infinite sometimes. I also know that these feelings about what's missing are most acute when I don't like what's right in front of me now.

So I'm just going to try to hang in there, deal with what comes when it comes, and hopefully, before I know it, I'll be back in his arms again...