Drive

Tonight, for the first time in about a year, I decided to run around the Arboretum. I remember when 6 miles was no big deal -- last spring and summer I was doing two 6-8 mile runs/week. And then something happened. Right before I went to Maine, my body just said no. No more running. You're not going to do this right now. So I listened. I stopped. I ran like a mile when I was in Maine and then I just really stopped.

Since then, I've dabbled a bit in coming back to running. This Spring I ran with a yoga friend who was pretty out of shape, so we ran slowly and the longest run was 4 miles. When I was at the cabin last week, I ran around the lake a couple of times, which is 3 miles.

Mostly I've been riding my bike and practicing yoga. And that has felt like enough -- sometimes throwing in a little mountain biking.

But tonight, when my daughter asked if we could drive (rather than ride as we usually do) to soccer practice and my son was at a friend's house, I decided to run one of my old loops. And for the most part, it felt good!

This was one of the many songs I enjoyed on Slacker while I ran, and it pretty well captures how I am feeling these days in my life:

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh
It's driven me before, and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine... hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

You Ought To Be With Me

This song came to me today after realizing, at therapy today, that I was holding on to the belief that there was only one man who could love me the way I want to be loved, which makes absolutely no sense, considering that he couldn't really, even when he did. Cryptic, I know. But my therapist helped me understand that once I allowed myself to be vulnerable with the New Englander I just sort of locked down on him, and when it didn't work, I just kept hoping it would and being sad that it didn't, as if it were the only option.

Here's hoping that today's session largely ended that belief and the accompanying feelings. Because now I'm on the lookout for someone who can show up, be present, attend to me and attend to himself. Sounds simple, and yet, in my last relationship anyway, there were many challenges even with those simple things.

So I think this song came as an invitation to my next man, whomever he is:

Sit right down and talk to me
About how you want to be
You ought to be with me
Ya, you ought to be with me

Thinkin' about what people do
Talkin' about how I love you
Thinkin' there's nothin' to what they say
You're gonna to be with me, anyway

They don't want to see us do
All of the dumb things we want to
You ought to be with me
Hey, you ought to be with me

You don't have to waste my time
If you want to be a friend of mine
You can be denied and walk away
And turn your back for another day

You ought to be the kind of girl
That can brighten this old world
And it's hard to see why you and me
Can't be together happily

I'm trying to realize
You being with some other guy
I don't know the reason why
You ought to be with me until I die

Hey, you ought to be with me until I die

I don't want to waste my time
If you want to be a friend of mine
I want to hold you tight, love you right
Put good feelin' in your night

I hope I don't have to wait too much longer to find out...