Eternal Flame

I just wanna stay right here in this tent forever and ever

I'm having a really hard time adjusting to being back from the most magical camping adventure ever.

I've never had an easy time with transitions, or moderation, for that matter, and coming home is requiring me to deal with both. Wah.

I remember hearing this song when I was growing up, but at that point I hadn't felt it like I'm feeling it now:

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin'
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Is this burning an eternal flame

Nope, you're not dreaming.

Yep, this is burning an eternal flame.

I believe it's meant to be, darlin'
I watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame

Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling, oh

I do so love it when he says my name. Both names. All the names. Sarah. Archie. Babe. Any of the many terms of endearment he uses for me:

Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling, oh

I sure don't. And I won't, lose it that is. But I do have to share myself and him with the rest of the world:

Close your eyes, give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame

Uh-huh. And a smokin' hot eternal flame at that!

Take it All Back 2.0

Taking in the natural beauty of the U.P.!

We heard this number in the car today during our travels:

And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

Hey, my life is real great, feel I'm well on my way to my dreams coming true and I'm getting to do it with you
And it feels so nice when the people sing along, they're singing along with the banjo

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you, yeah
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

It feels like this song has a lot to say about this point in the life of my man and me. Our journey to this point has been beautiful and adventurous and joyful and passionate and it has also been painful and crushing and difficult and confusing.

Most of me is on board with the present moment, the one in which he's here with me and we're committed to living our lives together. There's also a part of me who is still sad, angry, hurt, worried and afraid. This part of me is both the jilted lover and the abandoned child, and sometimes those two are difficult to disentangle.

Lucky for me, my lover is patient and kind and contrite and awake, so I get to feel my feelings when I have them and we get to process them together.

More than that, we get to BE together. Every day and every night. And that is an incredible gift:

And one day we might have a big house with nice cars and fancy clothes and a wife with a big ol' diamond ring
Cause the people they're dancing along, they're dancing along to the mando' and some sort of hip-hop beat

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

Hey, my life is real great, feel I'm well on my way to my dreams coming true and I'm getting to do it with you

Yup. And I'm sooooooo grateful!

I Need a Lover

I adore this beautiful huMAN!

This song has been playing on the internal jukebox ever since I heard it on our way up here to the U.P.:

I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
(I need a lover that won't drive me crazy)
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy

And all I can think when it runs through my head is how much I love having a lover who drives me crazy in the best possible way.

I feel incredibly fortunate to be in this incredibly alive, engaging and passionate relationship with such an amazing man.

This photo was taken before ride number two down a really intense downhill called The Flow. It requires going with the flow for sure, and that ain't easy, especially when the first time down involved a pretty gnarly crash for yours truly.

But it's SO MUCH FUN. Besides, having scraped up arms and legs is just an indication that I've been out playing, and that's just exactly what the doctor (and the vedic astrologer) ordered!

Cherry Pie

I'm his sweet cherry pie alright - and I'm so glad!

Ahhhhh, the time for our road trip to the U.P. has finally arrived, and we were lucky enough to hear this rockin' number as we closed in on our hotel in Eagle River:

She's my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good makes a grown man cry
Sweet Cherry Pie

Swingin' on the front porch
Swingin' on the lawn
Swingin' where we want
'Cause there ain't nobody home
Swingin' to the left
And swingin' to the right
If I think about baseball
I'll swing all night yea

Swingin' in the living room
Swingin' in the kitchen
Most folks don't 'cause
They're too busy bitchin'
Swingin' in there 'cause
She wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater

I scream you scream
We all scream for her
Don't even try 'cause
You can't ignore her

She's my cherry pie
Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good
Make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie oh yea
She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face
Ten miles wide
Looks so good
Bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie

Best Western here we come!

One

I learned today, along with the rest of the world, that Chris Cornell died. What a beautiful man, mind, body, soul, voice...

The song I most associate with this incredible artist is Black Hole Sun, a song about which I've already blogged.

Turns out, Chris Cornell sang some incredible covers in his time -- and this one that came up in my Facebook feed tonight seems particularly apropos:

I can’t remember anything
Can’t tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel the scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
I’m waking up, I cannot see
That there’s not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please, God, wake me

Back in the womb it’s much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But can’t look forward to reveal
Look to the time when I’ll live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please, God, wake me

Now the world is gone, I’m just one
Oh God, help me Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please, God, help me

Darkness
Imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine
Has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

No more hell for you, Chris, just eternal peace.

The original is by Metallica, and totally worth a listen as well...

Growin' Up

On the big cross country move!

This is one of the many songs we heard in our travels from New Hampshire to Wisco, and it feels appropriate to mark this momentous occasion in my life:

I stood stone-like at midnight, suspended in my masquerade
I combed my hair till it was just right and commanded the night brigade
I was open to pain and crossed by the rain and I walked on a crooked crutch
I strolled all alone through a fallout zone and come out with my soul untouched
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd, but when they said, "Sit down," I stood up
Ooh... growin' up

The flag of piracy flew from my mast, my sails were set wing to wing
I had a jukebox graduate for first mate, she couldn't sail but she sure could sing
I pushed B-52 and bombed them with the blues with my gear set stubborn on standing
I broke all the rules, strafed my old high school, never once gave thought to landing
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd, but when they said, "Come down," I threw up
Ooh... growin' up

I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere, and you know it's really hard to hold your breath
I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared, I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress
Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth, but I got me a nice little place in the stars
And I swear I found the key to the universe in the engine of an old parked car
I hid in the mother breast of the crowd, but when they said, "Pull down," I pulled up
Ooh... growin' up
Ooh... growin' up

I'm growin' up alright. I'm in love, big love, spend the rest of your lives together love, and I'm loved right back in the exact same way. We're shackin' up for good, and I couldn't be happier about it!