Ghost

I've been riding my road bike around town a ton lately, and I'm happy to report that this morning, en route to a friend's house to carpool to practice, my inner ipod started playing this number:

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

As happy as putting many miles on my bike makes me, I'm even happier to report that although I understand all too well the pain that's left when someone super important to you ghosts, I'm not living it anymore. Perhaps in part, this new freedom I'm feeling has to do with the fact that I finally wised up and drew a line in the sand about contact. I finally sent a clear message saying what my heart and my body had been telling me all along: "It's gotta be all or nothing with this one, baby."

And I can live with nothing. It's the in between that's a killer. It's the thinking that maybe:

Each time that I think you're gone
I turn around and you're creeping in
And I let you under my skin
Guess I love living in the sin

Oh you never told me
True love was gonna hurt
True pain I don't deserve
Truth is that I never learn

Actually, Ella, truth is that I have learned. I'll admit, it was a lesson that took a while to sink in, but I've got it now:

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Stop the haunting baby

'Cause you're either all in or you're all out of Archie...

Drive By

This morning I was woken, not by an external alarm, but by my internal clock radio, which was playing this song to rouse me from my slumber:

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess thats deja vu
But I thought this can't be true
Cause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa Fe
Or wherever to get away from me
Oh but that one night
Was more than just right
I didn't leave you cause I was all through
Oh I was overwhelmed, and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
On the upside of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away
But now here you are again
So let's skip the "how you been"And
get down to the "more than friends" at last
Oh but that one night
Is still the highlight
I didn't need you until I came to
and I was overwhelmed, and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Please believe that when I leave
There's nothing up my sleeve but love for you
And a little time to get my head together too...

I'm not sure exactly what it's about, except to say that I've landed in a place where I'm not about drive-bys anymore. Even in between relationships, as I am now, I'm just not interested in something less than what I want and need. So maybe this is about affirming that next time, it won't be a drive by...