September

This is one of those songs that I never really knew the words to, though I've heard it on and off over the past few decades:

Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changin' the minds of pretenders
While chasin' the clouds away
Our hearts were ringin' in the key that our souls were singin'
As we danced in the night, remember
How the stars stole the night away, oh yeah

Hey, hey, hey!
Ba-dee-ya, say, do you remember?
Ba-dee-ya, dancin' in September
Ba-dee-ya, never was a cloudy day

Ba-du-da, ba-du-da, ba-du-da, ba-du
Ba-du-da, ba-du, ba-du-da, ba-du
Ba-du-da, ba-du, ba-du-da

My thoughts are with you, holdin' hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love, remember
How we knew love was here to stay
Now December, found the love that we shared in September
Only blue talk and love, remember, the true love we share today

Hey, hey, hey!
Ba-dee-ya, say, do you remember?
Ba-dee-ya, dancin' in September
Ba-dee-ya, never was a cloudy day
There was a…
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), say, do you remember?
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), dancin' in September
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), golden dreams were shiny days

The bell was ringin', oh, oh
Our souls were singin'
Do you remember never a cloudy day? Yow

There was a
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), say, do you remember?
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), dancin' in September
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), never was a cloudy day
And we'll say
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), say, do you remember?
Ba-dee-ya (Dee-ya, dee-ya), dancin' in September
Ba-dee-ya (Dee ya, dee-ya), golden dreams were shiny days

I never even knew it was called September, and I definitely cannot say, on this, the last day of September 2019, that this was my experience of this month.

So many of the days were clouded with the difficult feelings that have come up as I face the fact that a romantic relationship I hoped would be my last is now another space of learning and growing that I am left to do alone.

I know that it won't always be this way, but it's gonna take a while for me to feel peace about the way things are, and even longer before dancin', golden dreams, and shiny days are here again...

Open Your Heart

Today was another amazing day as you can see by the incredible blue of the sky behind me -- wow!

It was also amazing in that it involved lots of time outside, heart to hearts with colleagues, a 5 1/2 mile run, a yoga class and a delicious dinner with friends.

One of the subjects of conversation on the run and at dinner was a mutual friend who is going through a divorce and not having an easy time of it. God knows I've been there, and it isn't easy to watch from the sidelines and be supportive but not too involved, especially since I just happen to be warm for this particular divorcee's form.

There's just so many different feelings to deal with when a marriage unravels, and I think it's completely normal to put your heart on lockdown while going through it.

Sing it Human League:

And when it hurts you know they love to tell you
How they warned you
They say "Don't be surprised at someone's lies"
They think they taunt you
But if you can stand the test
You know your worst is better than their best
And so you stand here with the years ahead
Potentially calling
With open heart or with a spirit dead
You walk on

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal
Being an island
Shying from trying
Seems the easy way
Such an easy way
But there's no future without tears

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

But if you can stand the test
You know your worst is better than their best

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

But as for me, my heart is more open than it's probably ever been before, and I just know I'm going to encounter another open heart attached to an attractive package before too long!

Inside Out

Our backyard maple this past weekend - wow!

Today was a phenomenal day. First of all, I know I do go on, but this fall has been so incredible. So warm, so bright, so lovely!

I started my day today practicing Ashtanga with my favorite at-home practice partner. As usual, we had fun and got some yoga in, which is a pretty great combination.

There's no doubt that it's different than my regular practice (and in some respects not as good a practice for me) -- but it's opening me up in other ways that I can already tell are entirely worthwhile.

Then I had a couple of work meetings followed by an hour of playing in the woods on my mountain bike at CamRock.

The scenery there was really different from the last time I visited, which was during the summer, but still really incredible in its own way (almost all the leaves were down out there).

One of the trails at CamRock

When I got home, I had a call to launch a new consulting project (yay money to feed, clothe and shelter my family!) and then settled in to watch the series finale of my latest Netflix indulgence, Gilmore Girls.

The very last scene contained this song, along with a passionate kiss between two of the characters who had been on and off again for a while:

Waiting for the last train
Standing in the pouring rain
Thinking, wishing, hoping
that you'll never feel the same again

Lying wide awake at night
Sleeping in the morning light
Doing all these things although
I shouldn't be ashamed of them

You can't stop my heart from turning inside out
Try and stop my world from turning inside out

Clutching on the last straw
Seeing things I've never saw
Must be time I fell
Down to a place I didn't know too well

Waiting for the last train
Standing in the pouring rain
Although I'm starting to break this spell
I know I haven't got a hope in Hell

You can't stop my heart from turning inside out
Try and stop my world from turning inside out

When you've called it a day
You've had things your own way
I guess it's fair to say
I'm gonna make you pay

(Didn't get a chance
Wished inside
Holding on until you draw the line
One step forward
Two steps back
And you're gone, gone)

Waiting for the last train
Standing in the pouring rain
Lying wide awake at night
Sleeping in the morning light

You can't stop my heart from turning inside out
Just try and stop my world from turning inside out

Happily ever after wasn't so much stated as implied, and that's how I'm feeling about my life (in terms of love and otherwise) right now too:

You can't stop my heart from turning inside out
Try and stop my world from turning inside out

Prairiesong

My kid's in back in white with the mallet

I didn't leave the house today until after 7 pm which is super unusual for me.

I didn't get up for practice, also unusual, going back to sleep instead and waking up three hours later!

Guess I was tired and needed the sleep. I had a productive day overall -- got lots done in my home office with the beautiful view showcased in yesterday's post -- but it was a little lonely.

When I arrived at my son's orchestra concert, I got to briefly check in with my daughter, who was there with a friend, but then I found a seat by myself. I wasn't much enjoying the experience -- didn't necessarily feel worth venturing out on a cold night for -- until my kid took the stage.

Wow! So impressed with my budding percussionist. Thank goodness he didn't get his sense of timing or rhythm from his Mama!

Calling All Angels

Got home this afternoon to a kitchen full of dishes and stuff everywhere. As I tried to summon the energy to tackle it, this song popped into my head:

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

I'm going to need some sort of assistance as the days get shorter, it's finally starting to get colder, and I get busier with work commitments.

Took the day off from practice today and I often don't feel as good on those days. The run this afternoon helped, though I'm not running enough to feel really great during the run itself. It helps that I've started running on Fridays with a couple of friends for exactly this reason:

I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up

That's also how I got through those 30 days without chocolate or sweets -- by being accountable to my friend in Boulder who was doing it with me.

Our people are important, that's for sure, but so is letting go and letting forces for good in the unseen help take care of you:

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels
Calling all you angels...

Fresh

The happy hikers

What a phenomenally gorgeous day! With our camping trip canceled because of our sick critter, I think we were all relieved when we arrived at Devil's Lake today for our hike.

With the possible exception of the swarms of people and asian beetles, we had a wonderful time.

My kids' only other complaint was the radio station I was playing on the way home.

Come on! Who doesn't love a little Kool and the Gang?

Conversation is going 'round
People talking 'bout the girl who's come to town
Lovely lady, pretty as can be
No one knows her name she's just a mystery

I have seen her maybe once or twice
The one thing I can say is, she's very nice
She's a lady, one I really want to know
Somehow I've got to let my feeling show

She's fresh, exciting
She's so exciting to me
She's fresh, exciting
She's so inviting to me, yeah

I've been thinking about the way you walk
Baby, I like the way you talk
Tell you something I really can't hide

So grown up!

Heaven must have sent you to be by my side

Fresh and lovely like a dream come true
I'll give anything to spend the night with you
What a feeling and I can't stop it baby
Miss frisky lady take me away

She's fresh, exciting
She's so exciting to me, yeah
She's fresh, exciting
So inviting to me, yeah

Fresh as a summer breeze
She'll take you by surprise
She means so much to me
I'll do whatever to make her mine, baby
Oh yeah

Speaking of fresh new things, guess who was behind the wheel for the first time today?

Dog Days Are Over

It isn't often I do a twofer on this blog -- but I think this counts -- even if the Florence songs are marking days that have unmarked days in between.

Especially since Florence has been singing this song in my ear for days now:

The dog days are over
The dog days are done...

...ever since the chill came into the air, the leaves started to turn and fall off the trees. And I, for one, couldn't be happier that the dog days of summer are over. This, coming from someone whose favorite season has been summer as long as I can remember. Not this year.

Today my son and I climbed a tree together, and I told him as we sat aloft that I thought I was ready to officially change my favorite season from Summer to Fall. "I like Spring the best," he said. It still feels hot in the Fall." Uh-huh. And this girl loves her some warmth.

I feel like I should wait until next year to see if the feeling sticks, because part of me thinks that the reason I lost that lovin' feeling for Summer was because I had such a shitty summer this year.

Nah -- it's more than that. In the summer, while I enjoyed riding my bike along the lakeshore path to work, it tended to be hot and buggy. This morning it was so crisp and so perfect that it made me feel like all is right with the world:

Happiness, hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away, down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother and fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

Gotta correct you a bit on that last verse though, Florence. I agree with you on leaving your longing behind you -- it is indeed very difficult to survive when longing is the focus of your existence -- but this Autumn-lover says keep the love and carry it with you everywhere you go...