It's Not Easy To Be Me

The last couple of weeks, I've begun once again to "write" in my head, a book that I've started at least five times in as many years. In the last few days, I've begun actually writing and I'm finding that I'm really enjoying it.

This song came to me while I was working on a particular section yesterday:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'bout a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright. You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With the clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ...... inside of me ...
inside of me ...... inside of me ...

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet

It's not easy ... woo.. hoo.. hoo..
It's not easy to be me...

It feels like it's getting easier to be me all the time, but I'm also keenly aware of the layers of protections that I've put in place and need to slowly dismantle in order to find true freedom in my body and my life.

Good thing I'm up for the task!

Sweet Jane

Here's another number from the CD I popped in on my way to work yesterday:

Anyone who's ever had a heart
Wouldn't turn around and break it
and anyone who's ever played a part
Wouldn't turn around and hate it

I keep hearing the chorus in my head, over and over:

Sweet Jane, sweet Jane
Sweet, sweet Jane

My middle name is Jane, but I didn't much like the name until I read Jane Eyre. That book helped me embrace it, and now the Cowboy Junkies are taking me a little further down that road:

Anyone who's ever had a dream
Anyone who's ever played a part
Anyone who's ever been lonely
and anyone who's ever split apart

Yep, I have. This (Sarah) Jane has:

Sweet Jane, sweet Jane
Sweet, sweet Jane

Heavenly widened roses
seem to whisper to me when you smile
Heavenly widened roses
seem to whisper to me when you smile

Speaking of embracing yourself and where you are in your life, the Modern Love published the week before last has some particularly good things to say about that, and about love, of course. I've now submitted two columns to them, and both have been rejected. I guess I still don't know what my love story is about? I definitely don't know how it ends.

La la la la, la la la, etc...

Only that I'm gonna be somebody's:

Sweet (Sarah) Jane
Sweet, sweet Jane...