Clarity

Happy girl -- no laps at Quarry Ridge today!

Full moon today, which means no Ashtanga, so I knew I needed to do something vigorous in order to remain in good spirits during my time at the cabin with extended family.

I brought my mountain bike for just this reason -- and because it's a shame to come so close to Hayward, the site of some of Wisco's finest single track -- and not take advantage of the trails.

So this morning I left my kids with family at the cabin and set off for the Mosquito Brook trailhead. When I got there, my phone buzzed with a number of text messages that hadn't come through at the cabin, including one from a friend who is dealing with the hard, hard, hard thing of ending a relationship when you know it isn't right but you want it to be right and you don't want to be alone.

I should know. I have been there. And that allows me to be there for my friend, to offer her the benefit of my experience, for whatever that is worth.

I think maybe the most important thing I understand now is that it is always ok to make whatever choice you want or feel you need to make in the moment. If there's a lesson there that is asking to be learned, it will just keep coming back until you decide to listen and acknowledge it and then change your actions accordingly.

But there's nothing wrong with taking your sweet time deciding to listen. There's nothing wrong with going back in one more time to see if maybe this time... until you finally get to the point where you realize there's never going to be a time with this man when he can offer you all the things that you want, need and deserve.

That's clarity. And I'm grateful for it. But that doesn't make it easy.

Just ask Zedd:

High dive into frozen waves
Where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
It was worth it every time

Hold still right before we crash,
'Cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'till it breaks your glass
And I drown in you again

'Cause you are, the piece of me,
I wish, I didn't need
Chasing, relentlessly,
Still fight and I don't know why

If our love, is tragedy,
Why are you my remedy?
If our love's, insanity,
Why are you my clarity?

Because, my dears, the secret is that you need all the pieces of you, especially the ones you wish you didn't need.

You don't, however, get to choose the person who will be capable of recognizing and loving all of you. Not really. I don't think you do.

Because even when it feels like that is happening, if this is the loop you find yourself in:

Don't speak as I try to leave,
'Cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pull, then I'll push too deep
And I'll fall right back to you

Then I'm going to venture a guess that he, or she, is not that person.

'Cause you are, the piece of me,
I wish, I didn't need
Chasing, relentlessly,
Still fight and I don't know why

If our love, is tragedy,
Why are you my remedy?
If our love's, insanity,
Why are you my clarity?

And the way to make space for that person is to look for that clarity in yourself, rather than in someone else.

It can be lonely. I'm not gonna lie. Especially doing things you used to do together.

But even so, my heart is more open and my life is more peaceful now that I'm not trying to cling to someone or something that wasn't meant to be for me forever...

(You're) Having My Baby

Some of my family's youngest at the cabin!

While up at the cabin with family, we were talking about a relative who is my age and recently had a baby.

My Mom asked me if I can imagine having a baby now, and I told her I really couldn't. She pointed out that a few years ago I had really wanted another one.

It's true. I really did. It felt so important to me at the time, for several reasons:

1) Being a Mama is something I've wanted for most of my life, and I've always pictured myself with more than two kids.

2) A pretty severe postpartum depression kept me from really getting to enjoy my daughter when she was a baby, and I love babies! So that's never really seemed fair.

3) When I fell in love with The New Englander, and he was so good with my kids, and he really saw me as a mother, I wanted desperately to have his baby -- to have this sweet song (which I have to admit I'm only familiar with because of Glee) -- be our reality:

Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it

That you're havin' my baby

You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to ya

Havin' my baby

You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through ya

Yes, I was a woman in love, but no baby for me. And now that I'm on the other side, of that need, and that relationship, I'm grateful that I didn't go down that road. It leaves me free to focus on my beautiful teen and tween, and to reinvent myself in terms of my career.

It also leaves me free to fall in love with someone else without another babydaddy in the picture -- at least without one that has any kind of romantic hold on me.

And for that, I'm both grateful and pregnant with possibility!

Honey I'm Good

Yep, this song drives me crazy too:

Nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home

It’s been a long night here, and a long night there
And these long long legs are damn near everywhere
(hold up now)
You look good, I will not lie
But if you ask where I’m staying tonight
I gotta be like oh, baby, no, baby, you got me all wrong, baby
My baby’s already got all of my love

So nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home,
And if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I gotta bid you adieu
To another I will stay true
(ooh ooh I will stay true)
(ooh ooh I will stay true)

Especially as the soundtrack for my yoga practice this morning, which it was, literally, when we were displaced at the gym and ended up sharing a room with a fitness class!

And then, given the nature of this song, it refused to leave me alone even once we were able to move to our usual, quiet space:

So nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home,
And if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I gotta bid you adieu
To another I will stay true
(ooh ooh I will stay true)
(ooh ooh I will stay true)

Stay With You

This morning I drove to the East Side for an early morning yoga practice, and on the way home I got to shed a few tears to the tune of an old fave: Journey's Open Arms.

As you can see by that link, I've already used that song in this blog. But it spoke to me in a different way this morning, and inspired the choice for today's song. You see, the emphasis for me with Journey's Open Arms used to be "So now I'll come to you, with open arms..." And I did that, before, I really did.

But now the emphasis for me is "I need you to stay." I needed this before too, but I repeatedly ignored the signs that I was with someone who was really never sure, as far as I can tell, that he wanted to/was able to/was planning to stay.

That's gotta change for the next time around for sure. It's gotta change to a tune more like this one:

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like a miracle
Yeah, and I'll stay with you

My miracle is coming. I know it is...

Fight Song

Seen on my ride this am: Coolest lily color ever!

Today was just a phenomenal summer day. It started with a bike ride that took me past the prettiest lilies ever: See for yourself at left.

The destination for my morning ride is also pictured: My friend's pier, the site of our Ashtanga practice this morning, which was so incredible!

Later in the day, I went to watch my son play soccer, and then took my mountain bike over to Quarry Ridge to do some riding. There were lots of people there, which actually turned out to be a good thing (normally I like the solo time).

I was riding really well, making all the climbs, feeling really good, and even had a group move over for me as I came down. I chatted with them a bit both during and after the ride -- they said they meet there every Monday, etc. -- and for the first time I felt like I might be at the point where I feel ready to join a group like that.

I got in the car after the ride and heard this song of empowerment, which felt fitting:

Setting for my morning yoga practice: Amazing!

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Yes I do.

This was also a song that the retreat leader played on the retreat I went on with my trauma recovery group, so this feels like a good time to mention that I've decided to stop being a part of that group. It has been such a wonderful, healing experience for me, but now I feel ready to write my story and live my life, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do!

See You Again

My daughter and I heard this seemingly ubiquitous song in the car yesterday and sang along together:

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
(Hey)

Damn, who knew?
All the planes we flew
Good things we've been through
That I'll be standing right here talking to you
'Bout another path
I know we loved to hit the road and laugh
But something told me that it wouldn't last
Had to switch up
Look at things different, see the bigger picture
Those were the days
Hard work forever pays
Now I see you in a better place (see you in a better place)

Uh
How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gon' be with me for the last ride

And then I heard it again today in the car by myself. I sang along, but it wasn't the same. Getting to spend more time with my kids this summer has been awesome, and my daughter is just really great company these days:

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (I see you again)
We've come a long way (yeah, we came a long way) from where we began (you know we started)
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (let me tell you)
When I see you again

(Aah oh)
(Uh)
(Aah oh)
(Yeah)
(Wooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
(Ya, ya)
When I see you again
(Uh)
See you again
(Wooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
(Yeah, yeah, uh-huh)
When I see you again

The Only Living Boy in New York

Why this song for this day, you ask?

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know your part'll go fine.
Fly down to Mexico.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da and here I am,
The only living boy in New York.

I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.
Da-n-do-da-n-do-da-n-do here I am,
The only living boy in New York.
Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where,
And we don't know where.

1) My ipod shuffled onto it and I walked over to see what it was called -- I had no idea. I think the only part that has ever stuck in my head was "we don't know where and we don't know where."

No, we don't.

2) I read an article this week about the fact that it has been 20 years since the release of Larry Clark's Kids -- a movie about teenagers getting high and having sex in New York. Is that possible? I remember seeing it with my babydaddy when it came out and being really shaken by it. Apparently Harvey Weinstein said it was the most controversial film with which he has ever been associated. And now, 20 years later, I'm feeling really grateful that my kids get to be teenagers in Madison, Wisconsin.

3) My only living boy is having some trouble understanding why I want him to spend part of his summer learning and/or reviewing Algebra. I'm just trying to set him up for success, but he doesn't see it that way, and we're both frustrated with each other.

4) And finally, I got a message the other day from an old friend with whom I don't talk to or see much anymore, but the message, about the expansive possibilities with my brain and my newfound freedom to apply it to society's ills (naming improving schools and lives for poor, minority kids), really touched me:

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know that you've been eager to fly now.
Hey let your honesty shine, shine, shine
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da
Like it shines on me.
The only living boy in New York,
The only living boy in New York.

Like Tom, I'm eager to fly now, and let my honesty shine, shine, shine...

Bring it, Universe!

Scatterheart

Yesterday I got up early (5 am) to practice Ashtanga with the crowd at Main St. yoga -- which is across town from me and really early in the morning -- but also worth it because it always ends up being a great practice. The hard part is that I never seem to be able to get to bed early in the summer, so I always end up needing a nap later in the day.

When I went to lie down on the couch in the afternoon, I felt all this energy surging in and around my heart. I always like it when I feel energy moving inside me because it means I'm in the flow. But having it in heart chakra is relatively new, and feels that much more exciting because it seems to be announcing love or the space for love or the openness to love. And I feel open to it, which is exciting and a far cry from where I was just a few months ago.

I like Bjork's take in this song on letting life and love unfold:

Black night is falling
The sun is gone to bed
The innocent are dreaming
As you should, sleepy-head
Sleepy-head, sleepy-head:

All the love above
I send into you
Comfort and protection
I'll watch over you

But don't ask me
What's gonna happen next
I know the future
I'd love to lead you the way
Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself

My

Dearest

Scatterheart

There is comfort
Right in the eye
Of the hurricane
Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself

All the hurt in the world
You know
There's nothing I'd love to do more
Than spare you from that burden
It's gonna be hard

If I only could
Shelter you
From that pain
Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself

I think you're right Bjork, and I think I'm on that road. It used to feel like the pieces of my heart were scattered about, but it feels put back together and vibrant now.

I'm excited to see what shows up!

Summertime Blues

There is a cure for summertime blues!

I heard this song in the car yesterday on my way home from practicing yoga on the rooftop at Capital Fitness:

I'm gonna raise a fuss, I'm gonna raise a holler

About a workin' all summer just to try to earn a dollar

Every time I call my baby, and try to get a date

My boss says, "No dice son, you gotta work late"

Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do

But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Well my mom and pop told me, "Son you gotta make some money,

If you want to use the car to go ridin' next Sunday"

Well I didn't go to work, told the boss I was sick

"Well you can't use the car 'cause you didn't work a late"

Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do

But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

I'm gonna take two weeks, gonna have a fine vacation

I'm gonna take my problem to the United Nations

Well I called my congressman and he said quote:

"I'd like to help you son but you're too young to vote"

Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do

But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

And I gotta say, I beg to differ. The photos don't fully capture it, but the views were amazing -- Lake Monona in one direction, Lake Mendota in the another, and the Capitol in another. The weather was absolutely perfect for practicing outside, too.

Far from having the summertime blues, I am loving this summer. I've always wanted to be able to be home with my kids in the summer, and this summer, I have mostly been able to be, and I'm grateful!

Come On Over

I heard this song playing on a radio recently -- can't remember exactly where -- but I think it was in a store. Anyway, as I've mentioned before, I grew up idolizing Olivia Newton-John. I knew the words to all of her songs, I had her records (some were mine and some were my Mom's) and I used to set up a little stage in my room, complete with a spotlight -- and belt out her songs.

This one was, and still is, one of my favorites:

If my life gets like a jigsaw
With the pieces out of place
Come on over
Put a smile back on my face
And if all my bad days came at once
You would know just what to do
Come on over
Baby, you would see me through

And if you think I need you
Come on over
Bring your love around
You can dry away my tears
And if you think I need you
Come on over
Lay your body down
You know I will be here
So bring your love around

When I cannot see in front of me
And I know my darkest day (I always thought this line was and you know my dog is dead -- oops!)
Come on over
You can take it all away

And if you think I need you
Come on over
Bring your love around
You can wipe away my tears
And if you think I need you
Come on over
Lay your body down
You know I will be here
So bring your love around

I woke up with it in my head this morning, which feels appropriate because, while she didn't come on over (she lives in Colorado) -- I did get to connect with one of my closest friends last night -- and it felt awesome.

Thanks Universe, for delivering so immediately on my desire for intimacy. And now for someone local who can come on over...

If you think
If you think I need you
Come on over

Guess I'm Doing Fine

Enjoying a spring roll on library mall today

This is definitely a time in my life with much transition. For one, I'm trying to figure out how to earn a living doing the things I believe in and on my own terms.

I'm also navigating this new world where I know I can trust myself, where I don't have to second guess my own needs, and where I can ask for what I want and need and let go of what or who cannot provide it.

There's always some sadness with these releases, and that's where Beck comes in:

There's a blue bird at my window
I can't hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me

I just wade the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
Got no time to watch them grow

Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

And I did have some tears on my bike ride home as I realized again that I no longer have the intimate relationship that I once had with one of the people I've been friends with the longest. That's been true for a while, but I've been dealing with it in the old way, trying to think of what I can do to get it back to how it was.

But today I feel ready to deal with it in the new way -- to let go of the past and make room for the kind of intimacy that I want and that I know I am capable of both giving and receiving...

Tango Til They're Sore

My kids had soccer games today out by Quarry Ridge that were spaced a couple of hours apart, so I decided to kill the time on my mountain bike. I haven't been on it for a while, so I felt a little daunted as I pulled it out of the back of my wagon and mounted it. It was a hot day, and rather than feeling excitement for the trails that lay ahead as I often do, the thought that was running through my head as I drove away from the parking lot was more like: "Am I really up for this?"

I have learned, mainly from my yoga practice, that these moments when we don't really want to do something can actually be fruitful in terms of working through inertia. There's a fine line, though, between pushing yourself a little and disregarding a voice that says in no uncertain terms that it really needs to rest. I knew this was a time that I could push myself a little, so I set a goal for myself: I will ride for at least an hour. Even if I'm tired. Even if it's hard. Even if I don't really feel like it.

Like with my yoga practice, once I got into it, I was fine, and I started to enjoy it. I must not have been being super mindful while I was riding, though, because twice when I was on my way down from the top, I meant to turn right to take the Tunnel Trail and went straight instead. The second time this happened, I made the perhaps-not-so-wise decision to make a quick right turn after the ideal point and, not surprisingly, ended up falling off my bike and rolling -- literally doing a backward somersault -- down the hill.

I didn't hurt myself. I didn't hurt my bike. And as I picked myself and my bike up off the ground, I realized I had just done -- by accident -- something that I don't do in my yoga practice for fear I will hurt myself. In sanskrit the word for the backward somersault is chakrasana, which literally means wheel, and if you're curious you can watch this little how-to video.

The whole experience was really very liberating. The song that went through my head immediately after it was one I've already used for a mountain bike crash -- one that was painful -- but also one in which there was someone there to catch my fall.

When I got back home, the ipod pulled up this wacky number from Tom Waits, which somehow fits:

Well ya play that Tarantella
All the hounds they start to roar
And the boys all go to hell
Then the Cubans hit the floor
And they drive along the pipeline
They tango till they're sore
They take apart their nightmares
And they leave them by the door.

Let me fall out the window
With confetti in my hair
Deal out jacks or better
On a blanket by the stairs
I'll tell you all my secrets
But I lie about my past
So send me off to bed forever more.

Make sure they play my theme song
I guess daisies will have to do
Just get me to New Orleans
And paint shadows on the pews
Turn the spit on that pig
Kick the drum and let me down
Put my clarinet beneath your bed
Till I get back in town.

Let me fall out the window
With confetti in my hair
Deal out jacks or better
On a blanket by the stairs
I'll tell you all my secrets
But I lie about my past
So send me off to bed forever more.

Off to bed I go...

Love is a Losing Game

There might be kind of a string of Amy Winehouse posts -- because the power of that movie and the music in it is running through my head non-stop.

This particular song, from closer to the end of her career, is also brilliant and sad:

For you I was the flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is losing game

One I wished, I never played
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self-professed profound
Till the chips were down
Know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I battled blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

It can be. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. There are, of course, things we learn from these losses, and these are always the things we need to learn, but we have to be awake to these lessons. By the time her marriage ended, Amy was so disconnected from herself she couldn't take anything positive away from the loss...

What Is It About Men

I love Amy Winehouse's music, and I remember feeling that her death was tragic, though I didn't realize how tragic until I saw the movie Amy. I highly recommend it. It's a powerful tale about a brilliant songwriter and musician who had parents who didn't pay attention or respond appropriately to the warning signs that something was very wrong when she started throwing up all her food and getting high all the time.

Besides shitty parents, she fell in love with a man who wanted to get high as least as much as he wanted to be with her, so that didn't help matters.

This song is one of the first she wrote about this lover who eventually became her husband, and it stuck out to me during the movie as such a great example of her sophisticated lyrics and complex sound:

Understand once he was a family man
So surely I would never, ever go through it first hand
Emulate all the shit my mother hated
I can't help but demonstrate my Freudian fate
My alibi for taking your guy
History repeats itself, it fails to die
And animal agression is my downfall
I don't care 'bout what you got I want it all

It's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed
And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?
My destructive side has grown a mile wide
And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?

I'm nurturing, I just wanna do my thing
And I'll take the wrong man as naturally as I sing
And I'll save my tears for uncovering my fears
For behavioural patterns that stick over the years

It's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed
And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?
My destructive side has grown a mile wide
And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?

This song is from her first album -- and already she knows just how much trouble she's in. Over and over again in the movie you watch her vacillate between the music she loves and her love for the wrong man and getting high.

There is one point in the movie where she's feeling really done singing Back to Black on tour, but she doesn't feel like she has a choice about it. That, for me, was the biggest tragedy. That this incredible woman with all the money and fame and talent in the world felt that she didn't have a choice, and no one even tried to convince her that she did, in fact, have a choice.

Sorry, Amy. Sorry so many people let you down, including yourself. I wish you were still here with us making music, but at least you are no longer in so much pain. RIP my lovely.

Weather Systems

The sky was super cool tonight! This is just one of the many phases of this gorgeous summer storm.

It also included lightning, thunder, pouring rain and rainbows during my son's soccer game, which they somehow failed to cancel. I kinda didn't mind, though, because the sky was so incredible.

The internet brought me this little gem of a song to match the evening sky:

Quiet
quiet down she said
speaking to the back of his head
on the edge of her bed
I can see your blood flow
your cells grow

hold still a while
don't spill the wine
I can see it all from here
I can see
I can see
weather systems of the world

and every time you turn the soil
another cloud begins to boil

some things you say
are not for sale
I would hold that we're
all free agents
of a substance or scale

hold still a while
don't spill the wine
I can see it all from here
I can see
I can see
weather systems of the world

Jump

The kids and I got motivated today and drove to one of our favorite Wisco spots this afternoon: Pewit's Nest. It's super picturesque but I don't have any photos because I didn't want to get my camera wet on the wade through the small, lovely, moss-covered canyon.

There's a spot on the wade from one end of the gorge to the other where people climb the side of the cliff and jump, as I did on one occasion when the kids and I were there with the New Englander.

Not today. The water level was lower than last time, and I didn't fancy hitting my feet on the rock again (and possibly harder), as I did the last time.

Instead, we watched others, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery while a little VH played on my very own internal soundtrack:

I get up, and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough, I've seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real

Ah, can't you see me standin' here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen
Ah, can't you see what I mean?

Ah
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Might as well jump
Go ahead an' jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump

Ow oh
Hey you
Who said that?
Baby, how you been?
You say you don't know
You won't know until you begin

So can't ya see me standing here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen
Ah, can't you see what I mean?

Ah
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Jump

Maybe next time!

Workin' Together

Love, love these women from my just completed training!

Tonight marked the end of the 16-day yoga teacher training for which I was both one of the trainers and in which I finished the requirements for my 500 hour training.

What an amazing two plus weeks with an amazing group of people similarly driven to bring yoga to teachers and students to help them feel calm, centered and whole. My heart is so full!

I heard this song today, and although using it gave me a bit of pause because of Ike's abusive history, it actually seemed appropriate. The world is filled with imperfect people, all of whom would benefit from finding a path toward self-compassion, which for me, has most powerfully been yoga. I read somewhere that every violent act stems from a place of tension, which is all the more reason to keep teaching people how to get their tension to dissipate:

Calling out to all my sisters and brothers
Regardless of race, creed or color...
The problems of the world will never be solved
Unless we put a little love in our hearts...

Workin' together, we can make a change;
Workin' together, we can help better things
So let us put our hate aside
And let us let love be our guide...
Let's now try a little love for a change...
Just try a little love for a change...

People disliking one another
Because we were born of a different color...
Many are protesting the wars across the sea
Cause there are people here that are still not free...

Workin' together, we can make a change;
Workin' together, we can help better things
So let us put our hate aside
And let us let love be our guide...
Say, let's try a little love for a change...
Let's try a little love for a change...

Unless we get together, the world would never survive
And the hopes for the world will surely, surely die...
People like you and me should speak up for what is right;
Only then will the world see the light...

Workin' together, we can make a change;
Workin' together, we can help better things
Let us put our hate aside
And let us let love be our guide...
Say, let's try a little love for a change...
Let's try a little love for a change...
Try a little love for a change... (Workin' together, we can make a change...)
Oh, let's try a little love for a change... (Workin' together, we can help better things...)
If we stick together, we'll make things better, yeah, yeah, yeah... (Workin' together, we can make a change...)
Oh, but we got to try a little love for a change... (Workin' together, we can help better things...)
Ooh, try a little love, a little bit of love, (Workin' together, we can make a change...)
Try a little love, love, love, love... (Workin' together, we can help better things...)

Yes we can, and we will!

Father and Son

Part of the Breathe for Change Family at Concert on the Square

Tonight a group of us from my yoga teacher training went to Concerts on the Square.

We couldn't actually hear the music, but that was fine with me -- I'd had this song playing on repeat on the inner jukebox all day long -- and it's such a classic:

Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

Now I don't exactly understand why it's his fault that he's young, and I'm not exactly old, but I am older than most of the people I was hanging out with tonight:

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

And that's ok -- that's part of how I am able to mentor some of them over these two plus weeks that we have together.

I think I'll play a little Cat Stevens when I'm teaching tomorrow, too, this voice just transports me -- we'll see if that feeling holds for the younger generation:

Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

I've made it clear to everyone in the training that I no longer keep things I know inside. It's no way to live. Every day I'm taking another step into my truth, and I'm so grateful to have so many awesome people to walk beside me...