Guess I'm Doing Fine

Enjoying a spring roll on library mall today

This is definitely a time in my life with much transition. For one, I'm trying to figure out how to earn a living doing the things I believe in and on my own terms.

I'm also navigating this new world where I know I can trust myself, where I don't have to second guess my own needs, and where I can ask for what I want and need and let go of what or who cannot provide it.

There's always some sadness with these releases, and that's where Beck comes in:

There's a blue bird at my window
I can't hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me

I just wade the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
Got no time to watch them grow

Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

And I did have some tears on my bike ride home as I realized again that I no longer have the intimate relationship that I once had with one of the people I've been friends with the longest. That's been true for a while, but I've been dealing with it in the old way, trying to think of what I can do to get it back to how it was.

But today I feel ready to deal with it in the new way -- to let go of the past and make room for the kind of intimacy that I want and that I know I am capable of both giving and receiving...