Fantasy

Here we are -- Christmas 2017

This song has been on repeat for me this holiday season:

Oh, when you walk by every night
Talking sweet and looking fine
I get kind of hectic inside
Oh, baby, I'm so into you
Darling if you only knew
All the things that flow through my mind

But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby
When I close my eyes you come and take me
On and on and on, it's so deep in my daydreams
But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby (fantasy)
(And I want you so bad)

Images of rapture
Creep into me slowly
As you're going to my head
And my heart beats faster
When you take me over
Time and time and time again

But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby
When I close my eyes you come and take me
On and on and on, it's so deep in my daydreams
But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby
It's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby
When I close my eyes you come and take me
On and on and on, it's so deep in my daydreams
But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby

I'm happy to say that this year, it's not just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby -- my man really is here with us, celebrating the season - and I'm so grateful!

Stones in My Pocket

Heard this song today:

I've got stones in my pocket
No feathers in my bed
I see the road and I'm walking
But my legs are made of lead

Oh save me
Won't you save me from my ways
Save me won't you save me from my ways
'Cause the only way I know how to live...
The only way I know is killing me

I've been climbing that high mountain
Slide back down everyday
I've been drinking from the fountain
But I'm thirsty anyway

Oh save me
Won't you save me from my ways
Save me won't you save me from my ways
'Cause the only way I know how to live...
The only way I know is killing me

I said never but I did it
What I thought I'd never do
I took a stone from my pocket
And I threw it right at you

Oh save me
Won't you save me from my ways
Save me won't you save me from my ways
'Cause the only way I know how to live...
The only way I know is killing you
Now the only way I know is killing me

And I thought of something a friend told me a long time ago. She said that for her, going to therapy is like taking stones out of your pocket that you didn't know you were carrying around. You just start to feel lighter.

I agree -- and I am extremely fortunate to have such a competent, compassionate therapist, because I sure need one!

Everybody's got to learn sometime

I went to a beautiful yoga class this morning, and it included this beautiful song:

Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, it will astound you
I need your lovin' like the sunshine
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, will astound you
I need your lovin' like the sunshine
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Everybody's got to learn sometime
I need your lovin' like the sunshine
Everybody's got to learn sometime
Everybody's got to learn sometime

The teacher talked about the heart being the master - that it is meant to be the master - and that we all need to learn this sometime.

I learned this when I decided to follow my heart when it comes to this guy:

All decked out in our ugly sweaters for his holiday partay

It would've been easier, at a number of points along the way, to argue with my heart. It didn't seem like he was coming back. It seemed like maybe my heart was wrong about him, about us. But I trusted it all through the pain of our separation.

Turns out, it was absolutely spot on. He loves me, and I him. And HE'S HERE.

So grateful that this was my lesson, 'cause I DO need his lovin' like the sunshine!

Shame On You

This woman was forever changed as of 11/9/16

I read a great Op-ed today by Michelle Goldberg about why Franken is stepping down while Trump stays in office.

It had a lot of powerful lines, among them:

1) "A great many liberal women were forever changed when they saw the grotesque beauty pageant impresario defeat the first female major-party candidate for president."

2) "As Susan Fowler, a former engineer at Uber who exposed a pervasive culture of sexual harassment at that company, told Time: “When Trump won the election, I felt a crushing sense of powerlessness. And then I realized that I had to do something.”

3) "But ultimately, the cultural currency of the #MeToo movement is not a substitute for political power. The incendiary rage unleashed by Trump’s election needs to be directed back at him. Otherwise, only those who already advocate women’s equality will be forced to grant it."

Yup, yup and yup, and on that last one: even when they do, like Al Franken, they'll do it by not admitting that what they did was wrong. So. Disappointing.

My own biggest revelation about the #metoo movement is that only certain stories make it onto Facebook. They are the catcalled, the groped, the date raped. These stories are valid and important, but they are not all inclusive of the ways in which sexual harassment and assault affect people's lives. There are still some stories that remain largely hidden, and the cost of that is quite high: children growing up with their sense of selves, their sense of love, their sense of intimacy, their sense of sexuality compromised.

This song came to me head while contemplating all of this. It's one that I heard before I knew I was carrying around a mountain of shame myself:

My friends they wash the windows and they shine in the sun
They tell me wake up early in the morning sometime
See what a beautiful job we done I say let's put on some tunes sing along dolittle all day
Go down to the riverside take off our shoes wash these sins away
The river said la la la shame on you I go down to Chicano city park cause it makes me feel so fine
When the weeds go down you can see up close in the dead of winter time
But when the summer comes everything's in bloom and you wouldn't know it's there
The white folks like to pretend it's not but their music's in the air
You can hear them singing la la la shame on you You can feel them dancing la la la shame on you
My friend Tanner she says you know me and Jesus we're of the same heart
The only thing that keeps us distant is that I keep fuckin up I said come on down to Chicano city park
wash your blues away the beautiful ladies walk on by You know I never know what to say
They'll be singing oo la la shame on you
Let's go road block trippin in the middle of the night up in Gainesville town
There'll be blue lights flashin down the long dirt road when they ask me to step out
They say we be looking for illegal immigrants can we check your car

I say you know it's funny I think we were on the same boat back in 1694 I said oo la la shame on you

I don't really wish shame on anyone.  As Brene Brown teaches, guilt is "I did something wrong; shame is "I am wrong."

Guilt can be useful as a cue for taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Shame keeps us small.

As I said a few posts back, I've worked really hard to hand back the shame I was carrying around -- turns out, it wasn't mine...

Cry Me a River

So many gorgeous sunsets lately! #nofilter

My boyfriend and I had a date tonight at the movies.

We saw Lady Bird, which was such a good film.

I didn't know what it was about when we walked in, so I couldn't have known it would contain a scene where a child leaves for college.

As the scene unfolded, I let the tears fall, as this beauty from the soundtrack played:

You were my sun
You were my earth
But you didn't know
All the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance
Made other plans
But I bet you didn't think
That they would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say what you did
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance
With you and me
There'll never be
Don't it make you sad about it?

You told me you love me
Why did you leave me all alone?
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me on the phone
Girl, I refuse
You must have me confused
With some other guy
The bridges were burned
Now it's your turn, to cry
Cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cry me a river

You know that they say
Some things are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him
And you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
Should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it

You don't have to say what you did
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance
With you and me
There'll never be
Don't it make you sad about it?

You told me you love me
Why did you leave me all alone?
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me on the phone
Girl, I refuse
You must have me confused
With some other guy
The bridges were burned
Now it's your turn, to cry
Cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cry me a river

Oh! The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh! The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh! The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh! The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving

You don't have to say what you did
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance
With you and me
There'll never be
Don't it make you sad about it?

Bring It On Home to Me

We love Parfrey's Glen & no sleeves November!

After a weekend of helping my kids navigate some family dynamics and having lots of lovely adventures, I arrived at my fitness class on Monday ready to start a new week.

And when this song came on, I felt a rush of gratitude that the navigation and the adventures were all with my sweet love at my side, because just over a year ago, he did change his mind about leaving me behind:

If you ever change your mind
About leaving, leaving me behind
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
I know I laughed when you left
But now I know I only hurt myself
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
I'll give you jewelry and money too
That ain't all, that ain't all I'll do for you
Oh, if bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
You know I'll always be your slave
'Till I'm buried, buried in my grave
Oh, honey bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me
Yeah (yeah),…

Awwwww yeah he did!

Windfall

Arrival at Wyalusing State Park: Rear view

Thanksgiving. A day of gratitude.

Traditionally, it has been a tough day for me.

Not this year.

This year, I made homemade cranberry relish, put it on a couple of sandwiches, and had a picnic supper with my boyfriend at Wyalusing State Park.

I appreciate so many things about him, among them:

1) He is always game for an adventure, even when that means 1 hr 45 min in the car in both directions;

2) He makes me laugh: When I pulled him in to kiss him while we were getting ready to ride, he complied, laughing and saying "This looks like one of those obligatory makeout sessions with one shoe on." Yup. Pretty much.

3) He appreciates sunshine, the outdoors and physical activity at least as much as I do;

Soooo grateful to spend my turkey day with this sweet man!

4) He doesn't need a big meal with lots of people around a table because that's what other people do;

5) He gave me his old mountain bike when he got a new one and it's AWESOME;

6) When I ride up next to him he admires his old bike lovingly;

7) His taste in music, which includes this number that we listened to on the way home:

Beautiful day, Beautiful Spot, Beautiful Bikes, Beautiful Love

Now and then it keeps you running
It never seems to die
The trail's spent with fear
Not enough living on the outside
Never seem to get far enough
Staying in between the lines
Hold on to what you can
Waiting for the end
Not knowing when

May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away
Both feet on the floor, two hands on the wheel
May the wind take your troubles away

Trying to make it far enough, to the next time zone
Few and far between past the midnight hour
You never feel alone, you're really not alone

Switching it over to AM
Searching for a truer sound
Can't recall the call letters
Steel guitar and settle down

Catching an all-night station somewhere in Louisiana
It sounds like 1963, but for now it sounds like heaven
May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away
Both feet on the floor, two hands on the wheel
May the wind take your troubles away

May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away

Yeah.... the wind, years and years of therapy, loving and being loved by two amazing kids, my yoga practice, my friends, my own significant fortitude, and this incredible man of mine... have taken (most of) my troubles away...

Praying

Solo late Fall trip to Devil's Lake - so lovely!

I'm really digging this song right now. Like really digging it.

Maybe because I can so super relate to these words:

"Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams? Those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? Why? If there is a God or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I've ever known? I've ever loved? Stranded. What is the lesson? What is the point? God, give me a sign, or I have to give up. I can't do this anymore. Please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much."

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, and after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is I wish you farewell

Yep. All that.

I keep having dreams, sometimes terrible dreams. When this happens, I wake up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep. I startle at my boyfriend's touch. It's no fun at all.

But there's no other way for me than being awake and alive to all of it. Even though it is difficult for my children that I needed to wish my parents farewell.  I know in my heart and in body that it is the right thing for me.

And I know this, in part, because when I stopped being a part of their narrative, stopped holding on to their shame and taking care of their needs at my own expense, things changed for me. My body changed. The way I treat myself changed. The way I feel about what I went through changed. I lived for so many years with so much shame. When memories came up, I felt disgust. I felt shame. I felt I was wrong.

Now I often feel sad when these experiences come up, but never ashamed. I know that I was a child navigating my world to the best of my ability.

I also often feel fear. I hope someday I won't, that maybe I have to feel the fear I didn't let myself feel as a child, and then it'll be out of my body, out of my system. That's what I'm hoping.

Until then, I'm glad Kesha is here to sing some of my pain with me:

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

I'm proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come

'Cause I can make it on my own
And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known
I've been thrown out, I've been burned ([Live version:] I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain)
When I'm finished, they won't even know your name

You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is I wish you farewell

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

Oh, sometimes, I pray for you at night
Oh, someday, maybe you'll see the light
Oh, some say, in life you gonna get what you give
But some things, only God can forgive

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

God knows that's how I've found a lot of mine...

Little Red Corvette

It was fittingly freezing for our U of M tour

Oh man, how I love Prince. And as I drove my firstborn up to the Twin Cities (my own place of birth), to tour the University of Minnesota, I was feeling a whole lotta things when this song came on the radio.

Most significantly: It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that it is here already -- the year I say goodbye to my firstborn, when he moves to a new city, when the time in our lives where we spend the bulk of it together is coming to an end.

I'm happy for him. He's looking forward to the next chapter. Ready to figure out what he wants to do with his life, to begin again in a new city.

I know that I will adjust. I always do. It's just going to be a monumental loss. Each life contains some of these, and I'm ok with that: it means I'm fully engaged in my life and my son is fully engaged in his. Wouldn't want it any other way.

So glad that I still have three more years with my daughter at home. So glad my man came back.

And always and forever, so, so glad, whenever Prince (RIP) fills the airwaves:

I guess I should've known by the way you parked your car sideways
That it wouldn't last
See, you're the kinda person that believes in makin' out once
Love 'em and leave 'em fast
I guess I must be dumb 'cuz you had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used

But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And you say - "What have I got to lose?"

And honey, I say Little Red Corvette
Baby, you're much too fast (Oh)
Little Red Corvette
You need a love that's gonna last

I guess I should've closed my eyes when you drove me to the place

A little state park time on the way home!

Where your horses run free
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me
Believe it or not, I started too worry
I wondered if I had enough class

But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And you say - "Baby, have you got enough gas?"
Oh yeah!

Little Red Corvette
Baby, you're much too fast (Yes you are)
Little Red Corvette
You need to find a love that's gonna last (Oh, oh)

A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it's on the verge of bein' obscene
Move over, baby, gimme the keys
I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine

Little Red Corvette
Baby, you're much too fast
Little Red Corvette
Need to find a love that's gonna last, hey hey

Little Red Corvette
Honey, you got to slow down (Got to slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if you don't, you're gonna run your little red corvette right in the ground
(Little Red Corvette)
Right down to the ground (Honey, you got to slow down)
You, you, you got to slow down
(Little Red Corvette)
You're movin' much too fast, too fast
Need to find a love that's gonna last

Girl, you got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride
I say the ride is so smooth, you must be a limousine
Ow!

Baby, you're much too fast
Little Red Corvette
You need a love, you need a love that's, uh, that's gonna last
(Little Red Corvette)

Babe, you got too slow down (you got too slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if you don't, cuz if you don't
You're gonna run your body right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)

Little red corvette!

Jesus Loves You

Rockin' the stage at The Majestic Theatre

The Old 97s were also fun to hear live -- and I think this was my favorite number:

Jesus loves you more than I do
Just because He doesn't know you
Not like I do

Jesus says you'll get salvation
If you just keep on waitin'
And readin' the same book
Over and over again

Well, you can talk to Him all night

My man and one of his four big sisters

But I'm right here
He makes wine from water
But I just bought you a beer

You say Jesus loves you
And I say what about me?
Maybe Jesus loves you
But where the hell is he?

He's got the power and the glory
He's got a pretty kick-ass story
And what do I got?
I got the hots for you

He's got the whole world in His hands
I've got a Lone Star in cans
And I'm bringin' one over to you
And I'm sittin' down next to you

I'm not discountin' the Sermon on the Mount
And oh, when I was little you know
They dunked me in the fountain
They told me I was born again
But since then I've been torn
And when I think about making love with you
I know it would be more than sin

I'm a real person
A real live person
You could do a whole lot worse than
Ending up with me then
Even though I'm a heathen
Not everybody out there is
Connecting like we've been

I'll take you to the river
Let me take you to the river
I will deliver you

Pray to Him all night
But I'm your man
He can walk on water
But I'll kiss you on the sand

You say Jesus loves you
And I say what about me?
Maybe Jesus loves you
But where the hell is he?

Jesus loves you more than I do
Just because He doesn't know you
Not like I do

Clever lyrics, right?

Everything I Had

One of my man's sisters came to visit today, and she's a big fan of live music and The Old 97s. She asked if we wanted to go to their concert on Sunday night.

Sunday night!? I thought, picturing my usual Sunday night in my yoga clothes/Pjs. I couldn't really even wrap my brain around going to a concert on a Sunday.

But I agreed, to be a good sport, and I am so glad I did.

As soon as this rockin' chick, Lilly Hiatt, came out on stage for the opening act and started to sing, I had no regrets:

Word on the street
You got yourself a new girl
I would’ve given anything
To light up your world

“You women go crazy”
That’s what you fuckers say
For loving someone the right way

Let me tell ya something
I’ve had it up to here with that

Cuz I gave you everything, everything that I had
I gave you everything, everything that I had

I’m the one getting angry
So the night’s on my back
But you’re saying nothing at all
So cut me some slack

I spent all those nights feeling so guilty
For letting you near the ugliest parts of me
I think it’s time I stop feeling stupid for that

Cuz I gave you everything, everything that I had
I gave you everything, everything that I had

I thought you called cuz you wanted to see me
You were just calling because I was easy
You know that I love you, how dare you do something like that

Cuz I gave you everything, everything that I had
I gave you everything, everything that I had

I was also super grateful to be standing side by side with the man I gave everything that I had, and then thought I lost.

So, so grateful...

Bargain

Best I've ever had, ever could have, ever will have. #bestever

This weekend we made the long trek up to our favorite Midwestern spot: Copper Harbor, in the U.P.

It wasn't a perfect weekend for it, by any means: I've been processing traumatic memories (most likely thanks to my mother's birthday on Friday) which means not much sleep and lots of tears, I have a cold, we couldn't get Friday or Monday off work, the forecast was chilly one day and rainy the next...

But it was our last opportunity to get up there this Fall, so we took it. And though it wasn't easy in a lot of ways, it was, as it always is, glorious: the mountain biking, Lake Superior, Brickside Brewery, ahhhh...

And don't forget lots of car time with my man, whether it be driving or sleeping (as we did the second night when it wasn't just cold but pouring rain). That's always a treat.

Especially with a sound track like this:

I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I had
To find you I'd suffer anything and be glad

I'd pay any price just to get you
I'd work all my life and I will
To win you I'd stand naked, stoned and stabbed

I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had

I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I got
To catch you I'm gonna run and never stop

I'd pay any price just to win you
Surrender my good life for bad
To find you I'm gonna drown an unsung man

I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had

I sit looking 'round
I look at my face in the mirror
I know I'm worth nothing without you
In life one and one don't make two
One and one make one
And I'm looking for that free ride to me
I'm looking for you

I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I got
To catch you I'm gonna run and never stop

I'd pay any price just to win you
Surrender my good life for bad
To find you I'm gonna drown an unsung man

I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had

Yes he is!

The Getaway

Ahhhh, California. How I've missed you!

Across the aisle from me en route to California on Wednesday was a VERY chatty dude and his very attractive girlfriend. Among other topics they tried to include me in chatting about was The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I had to admit I hadn't kept up with their newer stuff, but back in the day, they were a fave, and hearing Under the Bridge always feels like getting to hang out with an old friend.

That's what inspired my song choice to mark my days in Cali:

That’s right you’re right
We will do our thing tonight alright
Take me through the future
It’s time you’re fine
Just another color coded crime
Incision and a suture
You told my friend
We would get it on no matter when
A supercavitation
Let’s go you show
Me something no one will ever know
A love hallucination
Another lonely superstar
To get away inside your car
Take it much too far
Surrender to the brave inside
A lover that another tried
Take it, too my ride
You don’t have to keep it if it’s mine
(Another lonely superstar to getaway inside your car)
Another place maybe another time
(Surrender to the brave inside a lover that another tried)
Complete repeat
Sitting in your car and on your street
Lost in California
Let’s steal this wheel
Take a spin to find out how we feel
Just around the corner
Slow down for sound
Turn it up and no we can’t be found
The body that we transcend
Asleep, you weep
Find out that the trick is never cheap
A melancholy girlfriend
Another lonely superstar
To get away inside your car
Take it much too far
Surrender to the brave inside
A lover that another tried
Take it, too my ride
You don’t have to keep it if it’s mine
(Another lonely superstar to getaway inside your car)
Another place maybe another time
(Surrender to the brave inside a lover that another tried)
That’s right you’re right
We will do our thing tonight, alright
Drive the constellation
It’s time you’re fine
Just another color coded crime
The song is fascination
Another lonely superstar
To get away inside your car
Take it much too far
Surrender to the brave inside
The lover that another tried
Take it, too my ride
A May December might not be so smart
(Another lonely superstar to getaway inside your car)
Arrivals that we wish would not depart
(Surrender to the brave inside a lover that another tried)
Don’t be late cause you’re my savior
Make it great whatever stays
Golden gate my rearranger
Hold my name inside your rays

That's a whole lotta words, especially since it's the last line that most resonated for me. Yes please, California, as I prepare to head back to the impending Winter in Wisconsin, please hold my name inside your rays...

Speaking of, until the tide washed it away, the beach in Santa Monica held my lover's initials:

Feeling Good

16th St Baptist Church in Birmingham with a running buddy

This song is on repeat for me at the moment:

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Gotta love a great sign with a great sky behind it!

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine

Railway Park, Birmingham

You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

Something shifted in me when I went on that quick business trip to Birmingham, Alabama.

It could've been the amazing practice I had with Akasha at Birmingham Yoga.

It could've been the run with running buddies I met at last year's conference that took us to lots of cool Birmingham sites.

Or it could've just been getting out of town, getting some good sleep, shifting my perspective:

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Oh, and don't forget coming home to my man. I loved that part of the trip too!

I'm feeling good
I feel so good
I feel so good

So good!

Stuck On You

Here we are on the shore of Lake Michigan

We had an anniversary to celebrate -- one of many -- so we put our heads together to hatch a plan for an anniversary weekend.

We ended up going to Milwaukee for a little mountain biking and some time with my friends down there -- who are now his friends too. Love when that happens.

Love, love, love this man.

He even (mostly) tolerates my love of cheesy music.

Sing it Lionel!

Stuck on you
I've got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can't lose
Guess, I'm on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I'll be with you till the end
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

I'm stuck on you
Been a fool too long I guess
It's time for me to come on home
Guess I'm on my way
So hard to see
That a woman like you could wait
Around for a man like me
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

Oh, I'm leaving on that midnight train tomorrow
And I know just where I'm going
I've packed up my troubles
And I've thrown them all away
Because this time little darling
I'm coming home to stay

I'm stuck on you
I've got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can't lose
Guess, I'm on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I'll be with you till the end
Guess I'm on my way
I'm mighty glad you stayed

MIGHTY glad you stayed.

For You

Mirror Lake: It is indeed a mirror, and a beautiful one at that!

I needed a weekend so bad by Friday afternoon this week!

After a week of being up in the middle of the night working, I decided to officially unplug this weekend and spend time with my man.

We started, last night, with what we thought was going to be a hike at Devil's Lake. It seems I was so caught up in the conversation, however, that I missed the turn for the state park and Baraboo altogether.

We ended up at Mirror Lake - and it did not disappoint. What a mirror it was!

After our hike, we had a delicious dinner at Little Village Cafe, and heard this beauty on the way home:

Princess cards she sends me with her regards
Barroom eyes shine vacancy, to see her you gotta look hard
Wounded deep in battle, I stand stuffed like some soldier undaunted
To her Cheshire smile, I'll stand on file, she's all I ever wanted
But you let your blue walls get in the way of these facts
Honey, get your carpetbaggers off my back
You wouldn't even give me time to cover my tracks
You said, "Here's your mirror and your ball and jacks"
But they're not what I came for, and I'm sure you see that too

I came for you, for you, I came for you
But you did not need my urgency
I came for you, for you, I came for you
But your life was one long emergency
And your cloud line urges me
And my electric surges free

Crawl into my ambulance, your pulse is getting weak
Reveal yourself all now to me, girl, while you've got the strength to speak
'Cause they're waiting for you at Bellevue with their oxygen masks
But I could give it all to you now, if only you could ask
And don't call for your surgeon, even he says it's too late
It's not your lungs this time, it's your heart that holds your fate
Don't give me my money, honey, I don't want it back
You and your pony face and your Union Jack
Well, take your local joker and teach him how to act
I swear I was never that way, even when I really cracked
Didn't you think I knew that you were born with the power of a locomotive
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?
And your Chelsea suicide with no apparent motive
You could laugh and cry in a single sound

And your strength is devastating in the face of all these odds
Remember how I kept you waiting when it was my turn to be the god?

You were not quite half so proud when I found you broken on the beach
Remember how I poured salt on your tongue and hung just out of reach
And the band, they played the homecoming theme as I caressed your cheek
That ragged, jagged melody, she still clings to me like a leech
But that medal you wore on your chest always got in the way
Like a little girl with a trophy so soft to buy her way
We were both hitchhikers but you had your ear tuned to the roar
Of some metal-tempered engine on an alien, distant shore
So you left to find a better reason than the one we were living for
And it's not that nursery mouth that I came back for
It's not the way you're stretched out on the floor
'Cause I've broken all your windows and I've rammed through all your doors
And who am I to ask you to lick my sores?
And you should know that's true

The lyrics don't super fit, but it's the Boss, y'all. And you know what else?

He came for me.

And I was right here waiting...

Some Days are Diamonds (Some Days are Stones)

My son arrives via our favorite mode of transport

We took the fam to the movies today to see Logan Lucky.

 I liked so many things about this trip to the movies:

1) Watching my kids pull up on their bikes with my man;

2) The fact that we all enjoyed the flick;

3) The sushi dinner we enjoyed afterward;

4) And of course, last but not least, there was the soundtrack -- and this song, in particular:

When you ask how I've been here without you, I like to say I've been fine, and I do.
But we both know the truth is hard to come by. And if I told the truth, that's not quite true.
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Some times the hard times won't leave me alone.
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.

Now the face that I see in my mirror, more and more is a stranger to me.
More and more I can see there's a danger in becoming what I never thought I'd be.
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Some times the hard times won't leave me alone.
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.

Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Some times the hard times won't leave me alone.
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.

It's true, John Denver. I feel ya. It's just that these days, a lot more days are diamonds than stones!

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

I took my daughter shopping at one of my sometime favorite discount stores last night, and although she got a bunch of new numbers, it was I who truly scored!

When my daughter saw me in this Puma one piece, she declared: "Mom, you have to buy that, but you can never wear it in public around me!"

That might be my favorite all-time quote.

I bought it alright. And I was so excited that I wore it to yoga this morning, and it instantly put me and my practice partner in an awesome mood.

Gotta love a number that raises your vibration!

Gotta love this number, which on the radio I heard leaving the studio:

Baby, do you understand me now
Sometimes I feel a little mad
Well don't you know that no-one alive
Can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad

I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that
All I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side

I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has it's problems and I get my share
And that's one thing I never mean to do

Cause I love you
Oh, oh, oh, baby, don't you know I'm human
Have thoughts like any other one
Sometimes I find myself alone and regretting
Some foolish thing, some little simple thing I've done

I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

That's me -- and please don't let me daughter be seen with me in my catsuit!

Down By the River

My three favorite people in the world!

Summer's over? Say it ain't so!

On this last day of summer -- at least, summer vacation -- we decided to make a trip out for a swim in the Wisconsin River.

It wasn't super warm out, mind you -- and when my daughter first put her feet in the water, she declared that she wasn't swimming.

"I am!" I said, running into the water. It was cold, but rituals are rituals.

Speaking of, on the way home, we went to the petting zoo my kids loved when they were little.

Seems fitting to mark today with this classic - I love Neil Young!

Be on my side,
I'll be on your side,
baby
There is no reason
for you to hide
It's so hard for me
staying here all alone
When you could be
taking me for a ride.

Yeah, she could drag me
over the rainbow,
send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

You take my hand,
I'll take your hand
Together we may get away
This much madness
is too much sorrow
It's impossible
to make it today.

Yeah, she could drag me
over the rainbow,
send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

Be on my side,
I'll be on your side,
baby
There is no reason
for you to hide
It's so hard for me
staying here all alone
When you could be
taking me for a ride.

Super extra grateful to have the love of my life along for the ride this afternoon...

Wonderful Tonight

Bride and groom weren't the only wonderfuls tonight!

I had the honor this weekend of accompanying my boyfriend to the wedding of some of his favorite people. What a pleasure to be on the arm of a man so clearly beloved by so many in attendance.

The wedding was gorgeous, and Eric Clapton was kind enough to provide the music for their first dance:

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight"

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight"

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you
It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed

And then I tell her, as I turn out the light
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight"

Yes, my darling, you were. Wonderfully you!

Rhinestone Cowboy

I heard on the radio this morning that Glen Campbell died, and I wasn't sure who that was, until the DJ mentioned this song:

I've been walkin' these streets so long
Singin' the same old song
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle's the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
There's been a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the phone

Well, I really don't mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you're down when you're ridin' the train
That's takin' the long way
And I dream of the things I'll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There'll be a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
Rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' cards and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the phone

Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo

Like a rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' card and letters from people I don't even know....

I grew up listening to my mom sing along to this song. I had no idea what it meant, and I still don't.

But GC, thanks for being a little piece of my childhood. RIP.

I'm on Fire

Went to an incredible yoga class today, with an incredible teacher and an incredible playlist which included this incredible song:

Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?
Did he go and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?
And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh, no
I can take you higher
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull
And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire

And I kinda was, since it was a hot yoga class!

You're My Best Friend

That's right, heard ANOTHER song today that captures the amazement I feel getting to live and love with my man:

Ooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooh you make me live now honey
Ooh you make me live

Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you're my best friend

Ooh you make me live

Ooh I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy at home
You're my best friend

Ooh you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooh you make me live now honey
Ooh you make me live

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
Ooh you're my best friend

Ooh you make me live

I'm happy at home
You're my best friend
Oh you're my best friend
Ooh you make me live
You're my best friend

So much happier at home than I dreamt possible...

Thank You

Heard this number today and looked it up -- I had no idea that the lyrics were written so nuttily:

I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Stiff all in the collar, fluffy in the face
Chit chat chatter tryin', stuffy in the place
Thank you for the party, but I could never stay
Many thangs is on my mind, words in the way

I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Dance to the music, all nite long
Everyday people, sing a simple song
Mama's so happy, Mama start to cry
Papa still singin', you can make it if you try

I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
(Different strokes for different folks, yeah)
Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Flamin' eyes of people fear burnin' into you
Many men are missin' much hatin' what they do
Youth and truth are makin' love, dig it for a starter, now
Dyin' young is hard to take, sellin' out is harder

Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin
I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

I feel more myself every day that I get to spend in my current bliss of two amazing kids at home and an incredible man with whom to share it all. I feel like I'm finally living my life, the way it was intended.

And it feels sooooooo good...

Your Precious Love

Tonight I met my man to take in a movie that I knew wasn't going to be easy to watch: Detroit.

And it wasn't easy; it was important. To own that white cops hating on black men is not new, we just get to see it more often now because of cell phones and social media.

We still need to figure out what to do with it.

In the meantime, today, like every day, I'm so grateful for the precious love of my man, holding my hand through it all:

Every day there's something new

Honey, to keep me lovin' you

And with every passin' minute

Ah baby, so much joy wrapped up in it

Heaven must have sent you from above

Wo, heaven must have sent your precious love

And I, I've got a song to sing

Tellin' the world about the joy you bring

And you gave me a reason for livin'

And ooo, you taught me, you taught me the meaning of givin'

To find a love like ours is rare these days

'Cause you've shown me happiness, yes, in so many ways

I look in the mirror, and I'm glad to see

Laughter in the eyes where tears used to be

What you've given me I could never return

'Cause there's so much, girl, I have yet to learn

And I wanna show, I wanna show my appreciation

'Cause when I found you, I found a new inspiration

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Heard this song today and felt every cheeseball lyric as if I'd written it myself:

Lookin' in your eyes
I see a paradise
This world that I found
Is too good to be true

Standin' here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart
That I'm feelin' for you

Let 'em say we're crazy
I don't care 'bout that
Put your hand in my hand
Baby, don't ever look back

Let the world around us
Just fall apart
Baby, we can make it
If we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now

Oh, whoa

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes
I will stay here with you

Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes
Is what I'm gonna do

Let 'em say we're crazy
What do they know
Put your arms around me
Baby, don't ever let go

Let the world around us
Just fall apart
Baby, we can make it
If we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, forever and ever, hey

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us
Build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now (nothing's gonna stop us now)
This world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us (oh, no)

Nothing!

And nothing like a lacerated spleen to make one appreciate my forever person even more...

Say It Isn't So

Heard this classic on the ampersand bands top 40 countdown (didn't know that was a thing!):

(Say it)
(Say it isn't so)
(Say it)
(Say it isn't so)

Say it isn't so painful
To tell me that you're dissatisfied
Last time I asked you
I really got a lame excuse
I know that you lied
Now wicked things can happen
You see 'em goin' down in war
But when you play in a quiet way
That bites it even more
(Say it)
Tell me what you want, yeah
I'll do it, baby
I promise right now
(Say it)
Who propped you up
When you were stopped low motivation
had you on the ground
I know your first reaction
You slide away
Hide away, goodbye
But if there's a doubt
Maybe I can give out
A thousand reasons why
You have to say it isn't so
(It isn't so)
I say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Oh, no
I say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Oh, say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Oh-oh, no
(Say it)
We like to be the strangers
At the party
Two rebels in a shell (say it)
You like to move
With the best of them
You know we move so well
Don't need someone to lean on
I know where there's an open door
But if I'm faced
With being replaced
I want you even more
So baby, say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Oh-oh, say it isn't so (it isn't so)
oh-oh, no
Say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Whoooa, say it isn't so (it isn't so)
Oh-oh-oh, yeah
(Say it)
(Say it isn't so)
(Say it)
(Say it isn't so)
(Say it)
(Say it isn't so)

Why you gonna go
Do you half ta say
You wanna go
Ooh-ooh baby, say it isn't
(Say it isn't)
Say, say, say it isn't
(Say it isn't) so (so, say it isn't)
Why do you have to say it isn't
(Say it isn't) so
(Say it isn't) so (say, say it isn't)
I know it's so hard for you (say it isn't)
So hard (say it isn't)
Don't say, baby (so, say it isn't)
There must be some other way
Don't have to (say it isn't)
Some other way (So say it isn't)
Aah, you don't have to say (say it isn't)

Which was basically my mantra while my man was away: Say it isn't so.

It so wasn't.

And I am soooooooooo grateful!

Mess is Mine

My man was well enough tonight for a trip to the movies -- hooray! Not by bike, mind you, so that was a little bit sad, but all in all, it felt great to be out taking in a movie with him.

Especially since the movie, The Big Sick, was so dang cute.

And this song, from the soundtrack, is delightfully true -- lacerated spleen?

Your mess is mine, baby:

Talking like we used to do
It was always me and you
Shaping up and shipping out
Check me in and check me out
Do you like walking in the rain?
When you think of love, do you think of pain?
You can tell me what you see
I will choose what I believe
Hold on, darling
This body is yours,
This body is yours and mine
Well hold on, my darling
This mess was yours,
Now your mess is mine

Your mess is mine
See you in the marketplace
Walking 'round at 8am
Got 2 hours before my flight
Luck be on my side tonight
You're the reason that I feel so strong
The reason that I'm hanging on
You know you gave me all the time
Oh, did I give enough of mine?
Hold on, darling
This body is yours,
This body is yours and mine
Well hold on, my darling
This mess was yours,
Now your mess is mine

Bring me to your house
Tell me sorry for the mess
Hey, I don't mind
You're talking in your sleep
Out of time
Well, you still make sense to me
Your mess is mine
Your mess is mine
This body's yours and this body's mine
Your mess is mine

Mmmmmmmmmmm

I've been having trouble getting to my blog lately, and briefly considered giving it up. Take one more thing off my plate?

I decided to keep at it. Because my goal was 10 years. Because it's as close as I'm gonna get to a journal.

And because there are sooooooo many songs I haven't blogged about -- which occurred to me when I heard this one today:

Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Once there was this girl who
Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room
But when they finally made her
They saw birthmarks all over her body
She couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

But both girl and boy were glad
'Cause one kid had it worse than that

'Cause then there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home right after school
And when they went to their church
They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just gone there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Yep. And once, there was this girl whose boyfriend got into an accident...

She's a Knockout

You know the mood around the house (and in my head) is lightening up when the inner jukebox pulls this one out this morning in the shower:

Everywhere she goes people turn their heads
She's a knockout
Everyone wishes she was sleeping in their beds
She's a knockout
When guys see her comin' they start spending their money
She's a knockout
But don't you know I'm the only one who can call her honey
She's a knockout

She's a knockout, She's a knockout

She's exotic but not foreign, built like an old Cadillac
She's a knockout
Once she's left your life she ain't never comin' back
She's a knockout
With her black silk stockings and her high-heeled shoes
She's a knockout
Once she's left your life you'll surely sing the blues
She's a knockout

Some friends were tellin' me, just the other day
They walk right up to her, they don't know what to say
And when she calls me (hear a ring on the telephone)
I'll be there waiting for her, sitting at home all alone
All alone

In the nightclubs baby when the lights shine down
She's a knockout
When she walks down the aisle ya know her hips begin to sway
She's a knockout
come on little baby I'll show yo the way
She's a knockout...

My daughter asked what this song was, and my man said it was a song written about her mom.

Awwwww...

Real Love Baby

What I feel for this man is real love, baby!

I've been off work this week taking care of my injured man. This whole experience has been difficult in a lot of ways; it has also been a deepening of a love that already felt pretty darn deep.

When traumas like this occur -- when we are reminded that we could lose the ones we love, or they can be compromised -- it just serves to remind what is really important in this life.

Father John Misty, whom I learned about in a New Yorker review I read today, has this to say about real love, baby:

Our hearts
Are free
So tell me what's wrong with the feeling
I'm a flower, you're my bee
It's much older than you and me
I'm in love, I'm alive
I belong to the stars and sky
Let's forget who we are for one night
We're not animals baby
It's the people who lie
I want real love baby
Ooh, don't leave me waiting
I've got real love maybe
Wait until you taste me
I want real love baby
There's a world inside me
Got the preacher's music
Just if for a minute
Our hearts
Are free
So tell me what's wrong with the feeling
I'm a flower, you're my bee
It's much older than you and me
I'm in love, I'm alive
I belong to the stars and sky
Let's forget who we are for one night
We're not animals baby
It's the people who lie
I want real love baby
Ooh, don't leave me waiting
I've got real love maybe
Wait until you taste me
I want real love baby
There's a world inside me
Got the preacher's music
Just if for a minute
I want real love baby
Ooh, don't leave me waiting
I've got real love maybe
Wait until you taste me
I want real love baby
There's a world inside me
Got the preacher's music
Just if for a minute
Our hearts
(I want real love baby)
Are free
(Ooh, don't leave me waiting)
So tell me what's wrong with the feeling
(I've got real love maybe, wait until you taste me)
I'm a flower, you're my bee
(I want real love baby, there's a world inside me)
It's much older than you and me
(Got the preacher's music, just if for a minute)
I'm in love, I'm alive
(I want real love baby, ooh don't leave me waiting)
I belong to the stars and sky

We all belong to the the stars and sky -- and one day, we'll return to them.

In the meantime, I'm happy to report, I'm no longer waiting for real love.

I've got it in spades...

Spleen Merchant

High Fall Risk indeed!

Last night was one crazy night.

It started off normal enough -- my boyfriend, daughter and I headed out to Quarry Ridge to mountain bike.

On a rocky climb, my boyfriend took a tumble. No biggie, he thought, and climbed back on his bike. We both fall off our bikes in much bigger ways than that on a regular basis.

But he wasn't fine, and before we knew it, we were in the car on the way home. My daughter said she predicted he was going to start puking, and that he was probably bleeding internally. We brushed it off -- no honey -- it wasn't that hard of a fall.

An hour or two later, we learned that her predictions were true as my man became too weak to walk, fainted, and started throwing up. I called 911 and away he went to ER with me following soon after.

It was super scary in the ER, with lots and lots of doctors and talk of blood in the abdomen and possible surgery. I held it together pretty well until the chaplain came to talk to me -- that undid me a little -- followed by the social worker.

My boyfriend, meanwhile, was an absolute champ: super brave, super polite, participating in his health care (could you please clear my c-spine, he asked the trauma attending, so that he could take off the cervical collar)...

Still, it was one stressful night, and my poor man is gonna be laid up for a while.

This song is pretty dark, and I don't much like the lyrics, but there aren't a lot of songs out there about spleens -- go figure!?

When I die you can cut me up and take all that you please
But pity the poor dumb fool who gets my bleeding spleen
Corn pone, I born tomorrow, my bone marrow protein filled
Scotch whiskey Men of Tain have come to split your skills
Hey, hey
I got your heaven, I got your burning hell, I got it all right here

Bleeding speen -- check!

Heaven -- a bit elusive at the moment.

Hell -- nah, wouldn't go that far...

Lucky Star

My lucky star for so many family trips here...

I felt soooooo lucky when my cousin said it would work for my man and I to come visit when he and his husband were planning to be at the cottage on Lake Michigan where our families vacationed together as kids.

Many of those trips were HARD because of the difficult dynamics of our respective families, and I was SO grateful for my relationship with this cousin. We'd spend hours together, talking, walking, swimming and being away from the mayhem that awaited us back at the cottage.

My cousin and I are both huge Madonna fans, and when my man and I were driving to Onekama, we heard this song:

You must be my Lucky Star
'Cause you shine on me wherever you are
I just think of you and I start to glow
And I need your light
And baby you know

Family photo with Frenchies! We love their doggies too.

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] make everything all right
Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] yeah

You must be my Lucky Star
'Cause you make the darkness seem so far
And when I'm lost you'll be my guide
I just turn around and you're by my side

Of course, these days, we both have someone really great by our sides all the time - my boyfriend and his husband. It was awesome to all hang out together -- we had an amazing time.

We even listened to some Madonna, just for old time's sake:

Come on shine your heavenly body tonight
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right

You may be my lucky star
But I'm the luckiest by far

Soooooooooo incredibly lucky!

Hold the Line

The sunset soon after we arrived at Leelanau State Park

My man and I are so pumped about this mini vacation to the Traverse City area on Michigan's lower peninsula!

We love a good road trip, and this one sure hasn't disappointed.

Not to mention the mountain biking we found today -- wow! 18 miles of gorgeous, flowy woods that we had almost entirely to ourselves. It was an incredible ride.

I was so tired afterward that I was tempted to sleep at the trail head after our picnic dinner, but my boyfriend had enough left in his tank to drive the additional 1.5 hours to our beautiful campsite on Lake Michigan.

And the next morning under the bright sky!

Cranking good tunes always helps the miles tick by faster -- and we are both feeling that this Toto song tells a little bit of our story, seeing as it took a few years for us to get to where we are now:

It's not in the way that you hold me
It's not in the way you say you care
It's not in the way you've been treating my friends
It's not in the way that you'll stay till the end
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn't always on time
Whoa oh oh
Hold the line
Love isn't always on time
Whoa oh oh

It's not in the words that you told me
It's not in the way you say you're mine
It's not in the way that you came back to me
It's not in the way that your love set me free
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn't always on time
Whoa oh oh
Hold the line
Love isn't always on time
Whoa oh oh

Nope, it isn't. Or it doesn't always feel like it is. But when it comes, when it fully arrives, ooooohhhh baby, it is worth every second of waiting, every moment of heartbreak, every tear -- it's so freakin' awesome!