Invincible

I heard this song today and it reminded me of how I used to live with an undercurrent of fear. Unlike Kelly Clarkson, I'm not invincible now, but I am free from that constant feeling that I need to remain vigilant, that there's something I need to be doing to help ensure that something terrible doesn't happen:

You know I was broke down, I had hit the ground
I was crying out, I couldn't make no sound
No one hears the silent tears collecting
You know I had lost hope, I was all alone
Never been so long till you came along
Teacher, I feel the dots connecting

Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed
So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause baby, I am ready to be free

Now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
Another perfect storm

Now I am a warrior, a shooting star
Know I got this far, had a broken heart
No one hears the silent tears collecting
Cause it's being weak, but strong in the truth I found
I have courage now, gonna shout it out
Teacher, I feel the dots connecting

Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed
So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause baby, I am ready to be free

Now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
Another perfect storm

I was running from an empty threat
Of emptiness
I was running from an empty threat
That didn't exist
I was running from an empty threat
Of abandonment
I was running from an empty threat
That didn't exist

The threat I was running from was real, except that ended a very long time ago, so in many ways it was as if it didn't exist. And running in fear is no way to live your life...

What I Wouldn't Do

Saturday was an absolutely dismal day to play soccer, particularly in the morning. It was raining, the field was wet, it was windy, and it was cold.

Walking from my car to the field, I said to myself "this is love" and the lyrics to a song I'd heard on the drive out to the park started playing in my head:

If you should fall to pieces
You know I’ll pick them up
There are so many reasons
I’m never going to get enough
If you should leave this country
You know I’ll come to you
Because you always love me
oh what I wouldn’t do
oh what I wouldn’t do

I’ll carry the weight
I’ll do anything for you
My bones may break
but I’ll never be untrue
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Oh what I wouldn’t do
Oh what I wouldn’t do

Your love is like an ocean
that always takes me home
Whispering wind is blowing
telling me I’m not alone
Your love is like a river
that I am floating down
I’ve never been a swimmer
but I know that I’ll never drown
I know that I’ll never drown

The current grows stronger
under different shades of blue
I’ve fallen in your water
forget everything I knew
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Oh what I wouldn’t do
Oh what I wouldn’t do

Oh the things I never noticed
Opened my ears to the chorus
You have made me listen careful
And you gave me the line
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
Woah-oh-oh Woah
I’ll carry the weight
I’ll do anything for you
My bones may break
but I’ll never be untrue
The current grows stronger
under different shades of blue
I’ve fallen in your water
Oh what I wouldn’t do
Oh what I wouldn’t do
oh what I wouldn’t do

I know this song was written for a lover, but the first time I felt a love this big it was for my eldest soccer player. Maybe that's not the way it's supposed to work, but it's how it worked for me. It took having a child to burst my frozen heart open, and having another one to force me to do the hard work of integrating my heart into my body and my life.

And lucky for me, I've also had the oh what I wouldn't do feeling about a man; a really terrific man who, it turns out, had a pretty long list of what he wouldn't or couldn't (I still don't really know which) do for me. I told him my theory that sometimes it takes having a baby to stick around and do the real work that allows for the giving and receiving of love, but he wasn't interested in that, either.

As it turns out, I'm good with the not having another baby decision. And I know that I'll get to fall in the water again at some point...

Through the Fire

As 'days' readers know, one of my favorite places for my inner jukebox to fire up is on my bike, and today's ride had this oldie as its soundtrack:

I look in your eyes and I can see
We've loved so dangerously
You're not trusting your heart to anyone
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun

When it's this good, there's no saying no
I want you so, I'm ready to go

Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance at loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire

I know you're afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you'll only let me try
You touch me and something in me knew
What I could have with you
Well I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye

When it's this sweet, there's no saying no
I need you so, I'm ready to go

Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever
Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever

Yes, I thought in response as I rode along. I would take it all the way. I did. And I will do it again...

You Shook Me All Night Long

I'm lovin' the many classic selections of my inner jukebox in the past few weeks, and the song that came to me today is definitely on that list:

She was a fast machine she kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
She had the sightless eyes telling me no lies
Knocking me out with those American thighs
Taking more than her share
Had me fighting for air
She told me to come but I was already there
Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it
And you shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me all night long

I'm working double time on the seduction line
She's one of a kind she's just mine all mine
Wanted no applause it's just another course
Made a meal outta me
And come back for more
Had to cool me down to take another round
Now I'm back in the ring to take another swing
Cause the walls were shaking the earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it
And you shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me all night long
Knocked me out I said you
Shook me all night long
You had me shaking and you
Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me
When you took me

You really took me and you
Shook me all night long
You shook me all night long
Yeah, yeah, you shook me all night long
You really got me and you
Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me
Yeah you shook me
All night long

It's been quite some time since I've had this experience, but I've had it. I know what it's like. I've tasted the magic. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will have it again.

I do not, however, know when, or with whom...

Cold War

Both of my kids had band concerts tonight, which was a little tricky logistically, but I made it to see both of them play, which I always enjoy. I love that both of my kids are musical.

I also got to see the 6th grade choir perform this song:

So you think I'm alone?
But being alone's the only way to be
When you step outside
You spend life fighting for your sanity

This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?

If you want to be free
Below the ground is the only place to be
'Cause in this life
You spend time running from depravity

This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?

Bring wings to the weak and bring grace to the strong
May all evil stumble as it flies in the world
All the tribes comes and the mighty will crumble
We must brave this night and have faith in love

I'm trying to find my peace
I was made to believe there's something wrong with me
And it hurts my heart
Lord have mercy, ain't it plain to see?

That this is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for

This is a cold....
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for

Do you know? It's a cold...
Do you?
Do you?

Yes. I do. In preparation for the yoga teacher training that I'm helping with this summer, I'm reading Donna Farhi's Yoga Mind, Body and Spirit. And I'm really enjoying it so far. It is helping me reframe this period of uncertainty in my life in terms of one important question:

How can my life be of service?

Which leaves me in a lot better space than worrying about how I'm going to pay my bills.

Reading this book is also reminding me just how profound my work as a yoga teacher and a teacher of yoga teachers is:

Every violent action comes from a place of tension

I'd never thought of that before, but it seems completely accurate. Let's hear it for a less tense, less violent society!

I Ain't Mad Atcha

This weekend was a little rough in terms of both family and friends dynamics. At one point today, having turned on my ipod player to keep me company while I folded laundry, this song was playing as I walked into the bedroom:

Change, shit
I guess change is good for any of us
Whatever it take for any of y'all niggaz to get up out the hood
Shit, I'm wit cha, I ain't mad at cha
Got nuttin but love for ya, do your thing boy

Yeah, all the homies that I ain't talk to in a while
I'ma send this one out for y'all, knahmean?
Cause I ain't mad at cha
Heard y'all tearin up shit out there, kickin up dust
[Danny Boy] I ain't...
Givin a motherfucker, heheheheheh
Yeah, niggaz
[Danny Boy] ...mad at cha
Cause I ain't mad at cha

Now we was once two niggaz of the same kind
Quick to holla at a hoochie with the same line
You was just a little smaller but you still roller
Got stretched to Y.A. and hit the hood swoll
Member when you had a jheri curl didn't quite learn
On the block, witcha glock, trippin off sherm
Collect calls to the till, sayin how ya changed
Oh you a Muslim now, no more dope game
Heard you might be comin home, just got bail
Wanna go to the Mosque, don't wanna chase tail
I seems I lost my little homie he's a changed man
Hit the pen and now no sinnin is the game plan
When I talk about money all you see is the struggle
When I tell you I'm livin large you tell me it's trouble
Congratulation on the weddin, I hope your wife know
She got a playa for life, and that's no bullshitin
I know we grew apart, you probably don't remember
I used to fiend for your sister, but never went up in her
And I can see us after school, we'd BOMB
on the first motherfucker with the wrong shit on
Now the whole shit's changed, and we don't even kick it
Got a big money scheme, and you ain't even with it
Hmm, knew in my heart you was the same motherfucker bad
Go toe to toe when it's time for roll you got a brother's back
And I can't even trip, cause I'm just laughin at cha
You tryin hard to maintain, then go head
cause I ain't mad at cha
(Hmm, I ain't mad at cha)

It made me think that we weren't the only ones with shit to deal with - in fact -- compared to what many people have to deal with, we've got it pretty good.

I ain't, mad, at cha [2Pac:] (I ain't mad at cha)
I ain't, mad, at cha

We used to be like distant cousins, fightin, playin dozens
Whole neighborhood buzzin, knowin, that we wasn't
Used to catch us on the roof or behind the stairs
I'm gettin blitzed and I reminsce on all the times we shared
Besides bumpin n grindin wasn't nothin on our mind
In time we learned to live a life of crime
Rewind us back, to a time was much too young to know
I caught a felony lovin the way the guns blow
And even though we seperated, you said that you'd wait
Don't give nobody no coochie while I be locked up state
I kiss my Mama goodbye, and wipe the tears from her lonely eyes
Said I'll return but I gotta fight the fate's arrived
Don't shed a tear, cause Mama I ain't happy here
I'm through trial, no more smiles, for a couple years
They got me goin mad, I'm knockin busters on they backs
in my cell, thinkin, "Hell, I know one day I'll be back"
As soon as I touch down
I told my girl I'll be there, so prepare, to get fucked down
The homies wanna kick it, but I'm just laughin at cha
Cause youse a down ass bitch, and I ain't mad at cha

We may use different words to express ourselves, but by the end of the day, we were back in a place where we could honestly say:

I ain't, mad at cha [2Pac:] (and I ain't mad at cha)
Iiiiiiiii ain't mad [2Pac:] (hell nah I ain't mad at cha) at cha
I ain't, mad at mha [2Pac:] (and I ain't mad at cha)
I ain't, mad at cha [2Pac:] (I ain't mad at cha)
I ain't, mad at cha, noooo
I ain't mad at chaaaaahhhhhhhh

Head over Heels

This song popped into my head today for no apparent reason:

Been running so long
I've nearly lost all track of time
In every direction
I couldn't see the warning signs
I must be losin' it
'Cause my mind plays tricks on me
It looked so easy
But you know looks sometimes deceive

Been running so fast
Right from the starting line
No more connections
I don't need any more advice
One hand's just reaching out
And one's just hangin' on
It seems my weaknesses
Just keep going strong

Head over heels
Where should I go
Can't stop myself
Outta control
Head over heels
No time to think
Looks like
The whole world's out of sync

And hearing it made me reflect on the last time I fell in love, and how early and how often grief was mixed in with the head over heels feeling. I am fully aware that, like the New Englander, I brought a lot of grief into the relationship -- I'm sure in some ways our matching suitcases of sadness were what drew us to each other.

But there was also this feeling, at times at least, of "I can't control this and I don't want to" which was completely new to me. I want to have that feeling again, only this time, I won't be hauling so much grief into the relationship, and I don't expect that my new partner will, either:

Been running so hard
When what I need is to unwind
The voice of reason
Is one I left so far behind
I've waited so long
So long to play this part
And just remembered
That I'd forgotten about my heart

Head over heels
Where should I go
Can't stop myself
Outta control
Head over heels
No time to think
Looks like
The whole world's out of sync...

Never Thought (That I Could Love)

Today my very cheesy, romantic inner jukebox selected this number:

Can I touch you?
I can't believe that you are real
How did I ever find you?
You are the dream that saved my life
You are the reason I survived
Baby...

I thought it was a bit of a peculiar selection considering that I cannot, in fact, touch my love at the moment, whoever he is, and it is a bit hard to believe that he is real, because he hasn't actually shown up in my life. Maybe it means it is imminent? Here's hoping!

Tonight my Yogi teabag wisdom said:

"Where there is love, there is no question."

Hmmmm, I said to my daughter. Do you think that's true?

No. She said. More like the opposite.

Definitely not true of romantic love, I said.

A bit later on, she came back over and said: "Maybe it should have said when there is true love, there is no question?"

Maybe, I said. But how do you know when it is true love? That's what I thought I had with the last one.

Guess I've got more to learn. I hope one day I'll be able to answer that question, Dan Hill style:

I never thought that I could love
Someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need
Someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

Can I hold you?
Girl your smile lights up the sky
You are too beautiful for the human eye
You are the dream that never dies
You are the fire that burns inside
Baby...

I never thought that I could love
Someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need
Someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

You are the sunshine in the sky
You are the sparkle in my eyes

I love that part. I love how he belts it out. And I just know I'm going to light up some lucky man's life one of these days...

Clementine

After refusing to play music for months, my ipod alarm clock just started playing this somber number this morning when I was in my bedroom:

They're waking you up to close the bar
The street's wet you can tell by the sound of the cars
The bartender's singing clementine
While he's turning around the open sign

Dreadful sorry clementine, though you're still her man
It seems a long time gone
Maybe the whole thing's wrong
What if she thinks so but just didn't say so?

You drank yourself into slo-mo
Made an angel in the snow
Anything to pass the time
And keep that song out of your mind

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling clementine
Dreadful sorry clementine
Dreadful sorry clementine

See what I mean about the sad music coming through actual music players? Sheesh. I'm going to attempt to put a little bit of a positive spin on this by sharing this quote from one of my new favorite shows on Netflix, Call the Midwife:

Loss is made endurable by love, and it is love that will echo through all eternity.

How's that for profound? How's that for a reminder that even though it can hurt like hell, nothing, but nothing in this world can compare to truly loving someone with your whole heart. EVEN if you end up like poor Clementine...

Alleluia! Sing to Jesus

This year on Easter, I attended St. Dunstan's church with my Mom. We chose this church because the Reverend is someone I used to babysit when she was a kid, back in West Lafayette, IN. It was great to see her again and she did a lovely job with the service so I decided I might just go back before next year on Easter (which is my usual church attendance schedule).

I haven't been able to get back there until today, whether because of yoga workshops or having my kids, who are reluctant to attend church with me. And I get that, but if I possibly can, I would like them to try to bring curiosity to churchgoing (and every other experience/potential experience) rather than judgement. Understanding what people might get out of going to church -- even if they themselves don't get that out of the experience -- is something that I believe would serve them in their lives. But it's also not something I want to force. Alas.

Today it was just me, and a new moon (so I didn't practice Ashtanga today), so off to church I went. One of the things that I find happens for me at church, which you will not find surprising, is that it makes me cry. Specifically, singing hymns, like this one that we sang today, makes me weep:

Alleluia! Sing to Jesus!
His the scepter, his the throne;
Alleluia! His the triumph,
his the victory alone.
Hark! The songs of peaceful Zion
thunder like a mighty flood.
Jesus, out of every nation,
has redeemed us by his blood.

Alleluia! Not as orphans
are we left in sorrow now;
Alleluia! He is near us;
faith believes nor questions how.
Though the cloud from sight received him
when the forty days were o'er,
shall our hearts forget his promise,
"I am with you evermore"?

Alleluia! Heavenly High Priest,
here on earth our help, our stay;
Alleluia! Hear the sinful
cry to you from day to day.
Intercessor, friend of sinners,
earth's Redeemer, hear our plea,
where the songs of all the sinless
sweep across the crystal sea.

Alleluia! King eternal,
you the Lord of lords we own:
Alleluia! born of Mary,
earth your footstool, heaven your throne:
you within the veil, have entered,
robed in flesh, our great High Priest:
by your Spirit, left us heavenward,
in the Eucharistic feast!

Why, you ask? I'm wondering the same thing. I think part of it is explained by the fact that with the protection of the sound of the organ, I feel free to really belt it out in a way that I don't often do (I don't have the greatest singing voice). Grief is held in the lungs, so any trapped tears are bound to be released when I sing my heart out. I also think part of it is that it reminds me of my childhood in a really powerful way. I talked to my childhood friend on Sunday, too, who suggested a third reason. She said church is a place for her where she is often confronted with the concept that she is worthy of love no matter what she does or says, and this is still, on some level, difficult to believe or accept. So that could be playing a role too.

Whatever it is, I decided to play and sing this song at home until I felt all cried out. Hasn't happened yet...

Something About the Way You Look Tonight

Here you go, Elton: I looked something like this

I spent a bunch of time on my bike today, and songs often come to me as I ride. This song came to me in just that way:

There was a time
I was everything and nothing all in one
When you found me
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun

I need to tell you
How you light up every second of the day
But in the moonlight
You just shine like a beacon on the bay

And I can't explain
But it's something about the way you look tonight
Takes my breath away
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside
And I can't describe
But it's something about the way you look tonight
Takes my breath away
The way you look tonight

With a smile
You pull the deepest secrets from my heart
In all honesty
I'm speechless and I don't know where to start

It seems like whenever I listen to music, I hear sad songs. They serve their purpose too, but it seems decidedly optimistic and loving of my inner jukebox to select this number as I rode in my backless yoga shirt across campus this graduation weekend...

You Ought To Be With Me

This song came to me today after realizing, at therapy today, that I was holding on to the belief that there was only one man who could love me the way I want to be loved, which makes absolutely no sense, considering that he couldn't really, even when he did. Cryptic, I know. But my therapist helped me understand that once I allowed myself to be vulnerable with the New Englander I just sort of locked down on him, and when it didn't work, I just kept hoping it would and being sad that it didn't, as if it were the only option.

Here's hoping that today's session largely ended that belief and the accompanying feelings. Because now I'm on the lookout for someone who can show up, be present, attend to me and attend to himself. Sounds simple, and yet, in my last relationship anyway, there were many challenges even with those simple things.

So I think this song came as an invitation to my next man, whomever he is:

Sit right down and talk to me
About how you want to be
You ought to be with me
Ya, you ought to be with me

Thinkin' about what people do
Talkin' about how I love you
Thinkin' there's nothin' to what they say
You're gonna to be with me, anyway

They don't want to see us do
All of the dumb things we want to
You ought to be with me
Hey, you ought to be with me

You don't have to waste my time
If you want to be a friend of mine
You can be denied and walk away
And turn your back for another day

You ought to be the kind of girl
That can brighten this old world
And it's hard to see why you and me
Can't be together happily

I'm trying to realize
You being with some other guy
I don't know the reason why
You ought to be with me until I die

Hey, you ought to be with me until I die

I don't want to waste my time
If you want to be a friend of mine
I want to hold you tight, love you right
Put good feelin' in your night

I hope I don't have to wait too much longer to find out...

Counting Blue Cars

This song came to me as I was riding my bike this afternoon:

Must of been mid afternoon
As I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out
And he walked with a purpose in his sneakers, down the street
He had many questions like children often do

He said, "Tell me all your thoughts on God
And tell me am I very far?"

Must of been late afternoon
As on our way the sun broke free of the clouds
We count only blue cars skip the cracks, in the street
And ask many questions like children often do

We said, "Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I would really like to meet her
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I am on my way to see her
So tell me am I very far, am I very far now?"

It's getting cold picked up the pace
How our shoes make hard noises in this place
Our clothes are stained
We pass many cross-eyed people
And ask many questions
Like children often do

"Tell me all your thoughts on God.
'Cause I would really like to meet her
And ask her why we're who we are, tell
And tell me all your thoughts on God.
'Cause I am on my way to see her
So tell me am I very far
Am I very far now, am I very far now, am I very far now?
Tell me all your thoughts on God."

I don't exactly why. Perhaps because I've been playing around with trying to turn more over to a higher power/God during this time of great transition in my life...

Believe

Yesterday I made it up all three climbs at Quarry Ridge on my mountain bike. Partly because I've been back at it for a few days now so I'm feeling strong. Partly because I've had some advice about how to tackle climbs. But mostly because I believed I could.

On the way home, I heard this song, titled Believe, but actually about that moment when you realize the faith you had in your relationship with someone else isn't based on anything strong enough to hold it up after all:

You may call it in this evening
But you've only lost the night
Present all your pretty feelings
May they comfort you tonight
And I'm climbing over something
And I'm running through these walls

I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I believe
Everything you're trying to say to me

I had the strangest feeling
Your world's not what it seems
So tired of misconceiving
What else this could've been

I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I believe
Everything you're trying to say to me

So open up my eyes
Tell me I'm alive
This is never gonna go our way
If I'm gonna have to guess what's on your mind

Say something, say something
Something like you love me
Lest you want to move away
From the noise of this place

I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I believe
I don't even know if I wanna believe
Everything you're trying to say to me

So open up my eyes
Tell me I'm alive
This is never gonna go our way
If I'm gonna have to guess what's on your mind

I'm really glad I'm no longer in a relationship with someone with whom I'm left to guess what's on his mind. I'm putting out the intention that my next boyfriend not only start out a great communicator but stay committed to us talking to each other so I don't end up in the relationship virtually by myself like I did the last time around...

Dreams

I woke up this morning with this song in my head:

World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin down
Better change your tune
Reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby just spread your wings

We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher leave it all behind
Run, run, run, away
Like a train runnin off the track
The truth gets left behind
And falls between the cracks
Standing on broken dreams
But never losing sight
Spread your wings

So baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you've cried
Ohh that's what dreams are made of
Oh baby we belong in a world that must be strong
Ohh that's what dreams are made of

And I've gotta say that if I have to wake up with Van Halen in my head, I'm glad it was this song. It feels hopeful, and like a fresh start, which is just what I'm getting in my life right now...

Workin' For A Livin'

I've talked before about the Notes from the Universe that arrive in my inbox each morning, but this morning's really felt spot on:

What if the word "work" was changed to "dance-with-life," Sarah? And instead of it being viewed as an alternative to fishing or a way of "paying your dues," it was seen as a chance to meet a parade of new friends, discover your own untested potentials and unpolished gifts, and open avenues for abundance to come pouring into your life?

Yeah, I bet lottery sales would plummet.

Start the parade,
    The Universe

It really feels like I have begun to make this shift in my life. To come at my work from my heart -- to work on the problems that I feel most need to be addressed -- and to do it without compromising my integrity. Partnering with other smart people who want to help change what's not working in our world. It's a pretty amazing feeling.

And it's pretty diametrically opposed to the song that came to me when I was reading my Notes from the Universe:

Somedays won't end ever and somedays pass on by,
I'll be working here forever, at least until I die.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't
I'm supposed to get a raise next week, you know damn well I won't.

Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.

Hey I'm not complaining 'cause I really need the work
Hitting up my buddy's got me feeling like a jerk
Hundred dollar car note, two hundred rent.
I get a check on Friday, but it's already spent.

Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.

Ooh, workin' for a livin'
Ooh, taking what they giving
Ooh, workin' for a livin'
Ooh, ooh

Bus boy, bartender, ladies of the night
Grease monkey, ex-junky, winner of the fight
Walking on the streets, its really all the same
Selling souls, rock n' roll, any other day

No more soul selling for this chick. I'm working for myself now -- and while it is still under construction you can check out my new web site to see how things are starting to shape up...

Another Soulmate

Well sports fans, I've decided to pack it in on the internet dating front. I got on there, as you may recall at the suggestion of a friend of mine, but my heart was never really in it.

In fact, I realized today that the only two people I expressed an interest in meeting were the people who explicitly said they were not really available to date. It's pretty laughable when I think about it.

But I just wasn't ready, and my meeting with the fellow ginger I wrote about a few days ago really brought that home to me. He was a nice guy, but not very fit (couldn't really keep up on the trails, especially the climbs), not very attractive, and just not firing on all cylinders in his life.

So I made a decision, right then and there, to let the Universe, not the internet, make the decision about my next soulmate.

Cue Jane's Addiction:

I'm down with you, baby
Down with you, honey

Yet another soulmate
Love to meet your latest
This one looks regretful
Possibly your greatest
Twice your age
We all nicknamed him grandpa he's so old
Anyone ever told you that you only want their soul

Another soulmate
Where'd you go
Oh my soul...