The pleasures of getting to know someone new at the ripe old age of 39 seem almost infinite at the moment, but it won't surprise you to learn that topping the list, for this chick, is all the new music to which I get to be exposed. This song is a fine example, not just because I dig its sound, but because it grapples with being at a point in one's life where looking back and having the urge to rewrite history is really tempting. I think it's impossible not to confront this when one has been married for a chunk of time and then is forced, by one means or another, to deal with a different story line than was predicted when the vows were uttered and, in some cases (including mine), the children were born. Yep, that's big. There's no two ways about it.
But I really like that in the lyrics of this song comes an admission that a lot of what we miss isn't even real and never was:
Whenever I look back
On the best days of my life
I think I saw them all on T.V.
I am so homesick now for
Someone that I never knew
I am so homesick now for
Someplace I will never be...
It's that human tendency to seek certainty and permanence that makes letting go of the past, both memories and fantasies about people and places and times of old, so difficult.
I feel really fortunate that I in no way feel that the best days of my life are behind me, and even more fortunate that I recognize that the issue isn't whether time will let me go, but whether I will let go of time, and I get to make the choice to do that by being in the present moment. It's easier to make that choice, of course, when the present moment is feeling good, but it's possible, and even desirable, even when it isn't.
Oh, and how cool is it that when I searched for it on youtube, I found a video of them performing the song at the High Noon Saloon right here in my hometown?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Let My Love Open the Door
Sometimes I get on a roll with a general theme, and then songs that echo that theme just keep coming. That's what's going on here with this selection from Pete Townshend, which, while more similar to Madonna's lyrics than I would've thought when my mind first started playing it, has a slightly more nuanced take than the Material Girl's.
Indeed, in my experience, while we can choose to open our hearts to others, we can't even dream of the capacity they actually hold when we allow someone else's love to continue to open them:
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
Indeed, in my experience, while we can choose to open our hearts to others, we can't even dream of the capacity they actually hold when we allow someone else's love to continue to open them:
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Open Your Heart
The last couple of days I've just been kind of fighting. Fighting what is. Fighting with myself. So this morning at my 2-hour yoga class, the one I'm usually super grateful to get to attend, I was fighting it, big time. I hated the sound of my (beloved) instructor's voice, the words he chose, what he had us do, the way my body felt, the way my hair kept falling in my face, the quality of my breathing -- it was all really pissing me off. I started to let go a little bit at the end, but I was still feeling pretty mad when I left.
Afterward I was having coffee with a friend, and we were talking about being with what is, and why that can sometimes be so hard, and how that's ok too.
And then I went to zero balancing, and I talked to the practitioner about what I was experiencing, and we traced the anger back to the moment when I was feeling some pain and then started to choose the route where I close my heart to try to protect myself. That may have been a good strategy when I was a little girl, but it just isn't necessary now, and it leaves me feeling angry, which is pretty much the definition of close-hearted. I talked with him about consciously choosing another route when this happens now, and then he worked his magic with my body.
Afterward, I walked out into the world able to fully appreciate this glorious fall day. I took a little walk along the lake before getting back on my bike, stopping to chat with this nice black dude who was fishing. "You just out walkin'?" He asked. "Yeah, just trying to soak up some sun before I force myself to go to the office," I said. "You should stay here and go fishin' with me!" he said. I smiled, told him he was sweet but I had to go, and walked away, taking his invitation as a sign that my heart is indeed, once again, open for bizniss.
I'm not going to quote the lyrics of this song, because I don't think opening your heart has anything to do with locks or keys and I don't think you can or need to make someone love you. But this is the song popped into my head today, and take it from me, its title is fine advice!
Afterward I was having coffee with a friend, and we were talking about being with what is, and why that can sometimes be so hard, and how that's ok too.
And then I went to zero balancing, and I talked to the practitioner about what I was experiencing, and we traced the anger back to the moment when I was feeling some pain and then started to choose the route where I close my heart to try to protect myself. That may have been a good strategy when I was a little girl, but it just isn't necessary now, and it leaves me feeling angry, which is pretty much the definition of close-hearted. I talked with him about consciously choosing another route when this happens now, and then he worked his magic with my body.
Afterward, I walked out into the world able to fully appreciate this glorious fall day. I took a little walk along the lake before getting back on my bike, stopping to chat with this nice black dude who was fishing. "You just out walkin'?" He asked. "Yeah, just trying to soak up some sun before I force myself to go to the office," I said. "You should stay here and go fishin' with me!" he said. I smiled, told him he was sweet but I had to go, and walked away, taking his invitation as a sign that my heart is indeed, once again, open for bizniss.
I'm not going to quote the lyrics of this song, because I don't think opening your heart has anything to do with locks or keys and I don't think you can or need to make someone love you. But this is the song popped into my head today, and take it from me, its title is fine advice!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Speed of Sound
Yes, this night has been a long one, waiting on the words that just don't come, just like this beautiful man is singing to this packed house in Philly. Lucky them.
Me? Somehow I'll survive. (That's Eddie's lyric too.)
In preparation for a silent retreat coming up in early October (no talking, no eye contact for three whole days), I've been trying to do more seated meditation and have necessarily been thinking a lot about the speed of sound and what's going to go on in this head and heart of mine when I don't have outlets like conversations and blogging and singing along while listening to music. I'm guessing Eddie's voice isn't going to follow the guided meditations at the retreat like it sometimes does when I'm doing it at home on itunes.
Oh well, there is a lot that I love that I often have to do without -- and although sometimes it sucks, it also builds character. I used to hate it when my parents said that, but I reckon it's true.
Me? Somehow I'll survive. (That's Eddie's lyric too.)
In preparation for a silent retreat coming up in early October (no talking, no eye contact for three whole days), I've been trying to do more seated meditation and have necessarily been thinking a lot about the speed of sound and what's going to go on in this head and heart of mine when I don't have outlets like conversations and blogging and singing along while listening to music. I'm guessing Eddie's voice isn't going to follow the guided meditations at the retreat like it sometimes does when I'm doing it at home on itunes.
Oh well, there is a lot that I love that I often have to do without -- and although sometimes it sucks, it also builds character. I used to hate it when my parents said that, but I reckon it's true.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I'd Love to Lay You Down
On this particular Sunday, I'm pretty happy to be laying down on my very own bed, having some time to myself.
Over the last few days, I keep hearing this song -- it's sort of in the background, just loud enough so I can hear it, but not so loud that I'm needing what he's singing about to be happening right now -- I can just sort of appreciate that it has happened and it will happen again.
When I was growing up, my mom listened to country music, which I found wildly uncool, but I've come to appreciate some of it and this song is a great example of what there is to appreciate about this genre. All the lyrics to this song are great, but being a redhead myself, I'm most partial to this verse:
When a whole lot of Decembers
Are showin' in your face
Your auburn hair has faded
And silver takes it's place
You'll be just as lovely and I'll still be around
And if I can I know that
I'd still love to lay you down
Lay you down and softly whisper
Pretty love words in your ear
Lay you down and tell you all the things
A woman loves to hear
I'll let you know how much it means
Just havin' you around
Oh, darlin' how I'd love to lay you down...
Over the last few days, I keep hearing this song -- it's sort of in the background, just loud enough so I can hear it, but not so loud that I'm needing what he's singing about to be happening right now -- I can just sort of appreciate that it has happened and it will happen again.
When I was growing up, my mom listened to country music, which I found wildly uncool, but I've come to appreciate some of it and this song is a great example of what there is to appreciate about this genre. All the lyrics to this song are great, but being a redhead myself, I'm most partial to this verse:
When a whole lot of Decembers
Are showin' in your face
Your auburn hair has faded
And silver takes it's place
You'll be just as lovely and I'll still be around
And if I can I know that
I'd still love to lay you down
Lay you down and softly whisper
Pretty love words in your ear
Lay you down and tell you all the things
A woman loves to hear
I'll let you know how much it means
Just havin' you around
Oh, darlin' how I'd love to lay you down...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Where is the Love?
I talked to my friend the other day, one of the most incredible people I know, someone who lives every day in poverty and with a debilitating illness. She and her boyfriend recently packed up their kids and moved from Chicago to Oklahoma, having heard that the economy was booming there and they'd be able to find jobs. They arrived, put their kids into the local public schools, and had to face two really tough realities:
1) My friend's medical card, which allowed her to see the doctor and get the prescriptions she needs to manage her illness, does not work in Oklahoma, and she doesn't have the money to pay for them out-of-pocket; and
2) Although there are help-wanted signs everywhere in Norman, and she and her boyfriend have filled out countless applications, they've yet to be called back after they turn in their applications. Unlike in Chicago, African-Americans make up a very small minority there, and it isn't a minority with which a lot of the other people are comfortable.
This number from the Black-Eyed Peas is a brilliant commentary on the only prescription that has a shot at curing these sorts of entrenched problems:
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
I'm off to meditate, let my soul gravitate to the love, and hope that will help it extend to those who haven't had the good fortune that I've had to know intimately someone whom others might judge unfavorably on the basis of her skin color or the way she talks.
1) My friend's medical card, which allowed her to see the doctor and get the prescriptions she needs to manage her illness, does not work in Oklahoma, and she doesn't have the money to pay for them out-of-pocket; and
2) Although there are help-wanted signs everywhere in Norman, and she and her boyfriend have filled out countless applications, they've yet to be called back after they turn in their applications. Unlike in Chicago, African-Americans make up a very small minority there, and it isn't a minority with which a lot of the other people are comfortable.
This number from the Black-Eyed Peas is a brilliant commentary on the only prescription that has a shot at curing these sorts of entrenched problems:
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
I'm off to meditate, let my soul gravitate to the love, and hope that will help it extend to those who haven't had the good fortune that I've had to know intimately someone whom others might judge unfavorably on the basis of her skin color or the way she talks.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Those Three Days
This is tricky business, trying to be gentle with myself and keep my heart open while letting go of the attachment part that comes when one is fortunate enough to find someone to connect with in every sense of the word and then has to let go of a big part of that connection.
Lucinda Williams to the rescue, once again.
Listen and weep, as I did:
You built a nest inside my soul
You rest your head on leaves of gold
You managed to crawl inside my brain
You found a hole and in you came
You sleep like a baby breathing
Comfortably between truth and pain
But the truth is nothing's been the same
Since those three days...
Lucinda Williams to the rescue, once again.
Listen and weep, as I did:
You built a nest inside my soul
You rest your head on leaves of gold
You managed to crawl inside my brain
You found a hole and in you came
You sleep like a baby breathing
Comfortably between truth and pain
But the truth is nothing's been the same
Since those three days...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My Baby
This is one of those days when the song picks me, and at first blush, I thought the selection a bit cruel given that I am feeling like my baby is really far away, and although this past weekend I was able to enjoy what she sings about in this song:
And when I wanna reach out my hand
It always seems you hold me, dear...
I'm not able to enjoy it anymore. But seeing her in this video, the selection seems not at all cruel and completely empowering - -she inspires me so much that I know when I hear this:
And when they tell me love is pain
I said it might be true for you, honey,
But not for Janis no more, no no no no.
That it's not true for Sarah anymore either. No no no no.
And when I wanna reach out my hand
It always seems you hold me, dear...
I'm not able to enjoy it anymore. But seeing her in this video, the selection seems not at all cruel and completely empowering - -she inspires me so much that I know when I hear this:
And when they tell me love is pain
I said it might be true for you, honey,
But not for Janis no more, no no no no.
That it's not true for Sarah anymore either. No no no no.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Take it With Me
Yesterday, in the midst of a late-morning snooze, these lyrics drifted into my consciousness:
I'm going to take it with me when I go.
And as I readied myself to leave the cocoon I'd enjoyed all weekend, I fired up youtube and was reminded that it was from a Tom Waits tune. I should have known -- "the man with the perfect voice for singing about heartbreak and redemption" -- in the wise words of someone I cherish who knows a fair amount about both.
Listening to this song opened up a wellspring of tears, but not necessarily tears of sadness. Mostly I felt a profound sense of gratitude that I have the willingness and the ability to open my heart and let in all this goodness, and the good fortune to encounter another with the same willingness and ability.
Well, ok, so sadness was a part of it too, but that part of me is comforted by Tom's words:
Ain't no good thing ever dies
I'm going to take it with me when I go
Yes I am. And the other part that I really love, and believe in my heart:
All that you've loved is all you own...
I'm going to take it with me when I go
At this moment, I feel like if I get to keep all the love I've given and received in this life o'mine, I'm really not wanting for anything. And I'm really, really grateful for that.
I'm going to take it with me when I go.
And as I readied myself to leave the cocoon I'd enjoyed all weekend, I fired up youtube and was reminded that it was from a Tom Waits tune. I should have known -- "the man with the perfect voice for singing about heartbreak and redemption" -- in the wise words of someone I cherish who knows a fair amount about both.
Listening to this song opened up a wellspring of tears, but not necessarily tears of sadness. Mostly I felt a profound sense of gratitude that I have the willingness and the ability to open my heart and let in all this goodness, and the good fortune to encounter another with the same willingness and ability.
Well, ok, so sadness was a part of it too, but that part of me is comforted by Tom's words:
Ain't no good thing ever dies
I'm going to take it with me when I go
Yes I am. And the other part that I really love, and believe in my heart:
All that you've loved is all you own...
I'm going to take it with me when I go
At this moment, I feel like if I get to keep all the love I've given and received in this life o'mine, I'm really not wanting for anything. And I'm really, really grateful for that.
Monday, September 20, 2010
It Ain't Me Babe
After a few weeks of really blissful falling-in-love kind of feelings brought on by a fabulous series of email exchanges and many late-night and into-the-morning phone conversations, I got to spend this past weekend with this really stellar human being who also happens to come with all the accoutrements of the opposite sex that I find so appealing. Amidst amazing outdoor adventures set in the mountains in Vermont, we had many long, juicy conversations about love and marriage and divorce, arriving at a number of great insights about who we both are and what we need to really make a go of it the next time around. And as awesome as we are together in a lot of ways, we both arrived at the same bittersweet conclusion that Bob does:
But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.
At least, it ain't me babe right now, at this juncture of our lives. As sad as I feel about that at this moment, waking up this morning completely psyched to be in each other's arms, I thought how great it is that we got to share these feelings and have this time and never have it turn sour. Somehow it feels like some comfort that sometimes the loves we do choose to hang on to go so wrong and the ones we choose not to engage in over long term can just stay purely GOOD.
We both have a profound sense of gratitude for how much better equipped we'll be the next time around having opened our hearts to each other. As he put it this morning, this thawing has been so good it's painful. Yeah, it has, and yeah, it is. But this is the kind of pain that is all about release and making room for something new, and that's a beautiful thing.
In the wake of all of this, I am comforted, as I so often am, by the treasures I find on youtube. I didn't know that two of my all-time faves sang this song together, Bob and Janis. And if that video doesn't satisfy because it features static pictures of them instead of a live performance, you can also check out Bob live in 1975. Or this treasure: a really sweet video of Johnny Cash and his then wife, June, singing this classic together. Such cuties!
But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.
At least, it ain't me babe right now, at this juncture of our lives. As sad as I feel about that at this moment, waking up this morning completely psyched to be in each other's arms, I thought how great it is that we got to share these feelings and have this time and never have it turn sour. Somehow it feels like some comfort that sometimes the loves we do choose to hang on to go so wrong and the ones we choose not to engage in over long term can just stay purely GOOD.
We both have a profound sense of gratitude for how much better equipped we'll be the next time around having opened our hearts to each other. As he put it this morning, this thawing has been so good it's painful. Yeah, it has, and yeah, it is. But this is the kind of pain that is all about release and making room for something new, and that's a beautiful thing.
In the wake of all of this, I am comforted, as I so often am, by the treasures I find on youtube. I didn't know that two of my all-time faves sang this song together, Bob and Janis. And if that video doesn't satisfy because it features static pictures of them instead of a live performance, you can also check out Bob live in 1975. Or this treasure: a really sweet video of Johnny Cash and his then wife, June, singing this classic together. Such cuties!
Friday, September 17, 2010
When Love Comes to Town
These Irish rockers provided a lot of the soundtrack of my coming-of-age days, so I guess it isn't surprising that my inner dj got me up with this track this morning. These boys are great unadulterated, but a big black dude with an amazing voice who can wail on an instrument is always value-added. Check it, my friends:
When love comes to town I'm gonna jump that train
When love comes to town I'm gonna catch that flame
Maybe I was wrong to ever let you down
But I did what I did before love came to town...
When love comes to town I'm gonna jump that train
When love comes to town I'm gonna catch that flame
Maybe I was wrong to ever let you down
But I did what I did before love came to town...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I Would Do Anything for Love
Heard this song yesterday in the car -- and although it goes on far too long, there is one portion that I REALLY like singing at the top of my lungs, realizing, the whole time, how ridiculous the lyrics are (fast forward to 5:50 on this youtube video):
Girl : Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you help get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it a little less cold?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you hold me sacred?
will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it a little less old?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an Emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something that I can take home?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you cater to every fantasy that I've got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water - if I get too hot?
Will you take me to places that I've never known?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : After a while you'll forget everything,
It was a brief interlude, And a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on.
Boy : I wont do that! I won't do that!
Girl : I know the territory - I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down,
And sooner or later you'll be screwing around.
Boy : I won't do that! I won't do that!
My absolute favorite ridiculous lyric/secret (and now not-so-secret) desire is the "hose me down with holy water if I get too hot." Too funny. The video is pretty ridiculous too, and I think the best way to enjoy that is with this literal video version, where some clever person has narrated the video to the tune of the song by describing what is happening in the video rather than singing the original lyrics. It is hilarious! One of my favorite lines from this version: "But I can't watch my TV because fake lesbians are being so loud back there."
Enjoy!
Girl : Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you help get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it a little less cold?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you hold me sacred?
will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it a little less old?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an Emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something that I can take home?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : Will you cater to every fantasy that I've got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water - if I get too hot?
Will you take me to places that I've never known?
Boy : I can do that! I can do that!
Girl : After a while you'll forget everything,
It was a brief interlude, And a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on.
Boy : I wont do that! I won't do that!
Girl : I know the territory - I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down,
And sooner or later you'll be screwing around.
Boy : I won't do that! I won't do that!
My absolute favorite ridiculous lyric/secret (and now not-so-secret) desire is the "hose me down with holy water if I get too hot." Too funny. The video is pretty ridiculous too, and I think the best way to enjoy that is with this literal video version, where some clever person has narrated the video to the tune of the song by describing what is happening in the video rather than singing the original lyrics. It is hilarious! One of my favorite lines from this version: "But I can't watch my TV because fake lesbians are being so loud back there."
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
Oooooh baby, if you thought yesterday's song was sad, you might not even want to fire this one up on your computer. There's just something about a man who has lived through having a pan of boiling grits poured on him by his married girlfriend while in the shower -- you can't really escape the mega-emotion with which he imbues his music -- which in this case is a (vastly superior, in my opinion) cover of the original song by the BeeGees.
I knew something tragic had happened to Al Green, but couldn't remember what -- and that's the story Wikipedia has -- it also mentions that after she scalded him, she killed herself, and in her suicide note she wrote: "the more I trust you, the more you let me down." Ouch. Sounds complicated, and really, what affair of the heart isn't, whether it ever goes to extremes as that one did.
So how can you mend a broken heart? Although the simplicity of one youtube viewer's response: "Jesus mends broken hearts every day" is appealing, and for all I know it works for some people, there's more to it than that for me.
I reckon the best way to mend a broken heart and let yourself live again is to let yourself love again. After a period of rest, you don't rehab a muscle by allowing it to continue to atrophy -- you work it. And yeah, it hurts a lot at first. But it gets stronger, and before you know it, you can do and feel mostly like you did before. Might still feel some twinges here and there -- but that's all you have to do (not that it's easy) -- feel them.
I know that for me, when I can let the twinges be a sweet reminder of the magnitude of what was there before and not just what was lost, I'm a whole lot happier, and a whole lot closer to mending a broken heart.
I knew something tragic had happened to Al Green, but couldn't remember what -- and that's the story Wikipedia has -- it also mentions that after she scalded him, she killed herself, and in her suicide note she wrote: "the more I trust you, the more you let me down." Ouch. Sounds complicated, and really, what affair of the heart isn't, whether it ever goes to extremes as that one did.
So how can you mend a broken heart? Although the simplicity of one youtube viewer's response: "Jesus mends broken hearts every day" is appealing, and for all I know it works for some people, there's more to it than that for me.
I reckon the best way to mend a broken heart and let yourself live again is to let yourself love again. After a period of rest, you don't rehab a muscle by allowing it to continue to atrophy -- you work it. And yeah, it hurts a lot at first. But it gets stronger, and before you know it, you can do and feel mostly like you did before. Might still feel some twinges here and there -- but that's all you have to do (not that it's easy) -- feel them.
I know that for me, when I can let the twinges be a sweet reminder of the magnitude of what was there before and not just what was lost, I'm a whole lot happier, and a whole lot closer to mending a broken heart.
Monday, September 13, 2010
The End
This song used to make me really sad, and it's no wonder -- the first verse is a heartbreaker:
What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made now
Left beside the road?
Behind us in the road
What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made now
Left beside the road?
Behind us in the road
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Love the Way You Lie
I can't explain this one, but it just keeps going through my mind today, so there must be a reason for it. The part I keep hearing and singing is this:
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie...
Which, as it turns out, is Rihanna's portion of a duet with Eminem. Check these two superstars out, both of whom have known some serious hurt, bringing it live.
Although my mind objects to the sentiment in these lyrics, there must be some part of me that knows exactly what she means when she says she likes the way it hurts. Good thing that part of me is no longer driving this train!
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie...
Which, as it turns out, is Rihanna's portion of a duet with Eminem. Check these two superstars out, both of whom have known some serious hurt, bringing it live.
Although my mind objects to the sentiment in these lyrics, there must be some part of me that knows exactly what she means when she says she likes the way it hurts. Good thing that part of me is no longer driving this train!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
Home in bed with a cold today, this song matches the way my body feels more than it matches the state of my heart.
It's a beauty though, so I thought I'd share it. The lyrics are all pretty memorable, but I think the beginning of the song, in its simplicity, is my favorite part:
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth is
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...
You might remember it from the movie Garden State, one of my faves.
It's a beauty though, so I thought I'd share it. The lyrics are all pretty memorable, but I think the beginning of the song, in its simplicity, is my favorite part:
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth is
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...
You might remember it from the movie Garden State, one of my faves.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Oh My Gosh
This is another number that really gets me going at functional fitness, and last night, I needed all the help I could get. Starting to feel a cold coming on while still at work, I debated skipping the class but knew I wouldn't have another opportunity until Friday and decided to go anyway. Biking there from the office, my legs felt weak and again I questioned the wisdom of the decision. Usher to the rescue:
Oh myy
Oh myy gosh
Baby let me love you downnn
There's so many ways to love ya
Baby I can break you downnn
There's so many ways to love ya...
Yep, and there's a lot of ways to love me too. Two weeks in a row on Tuesdays, I've been to yoga in the morning and functional fitness in the evening. And the juxtaposition of the two are really fascinating to me. Yoga and fitness, though they can both help you arrive in a place you want to be, have very different philosophies. When practicing yoga, we emphasize compassion for and acceptance of ourselves; in a fitness class, we're unabashedly there because we want something about ourselves to be different, and the instructor does too -- that's her job, and her mindset.
So when, this past Sunday at a yoga class, I was having a difficult time with Warrior III and decided to work with an easier modification of the pose, the teacher made a point to say: "Really nice Sarah." Contrast that with my experience last night in my fitness class, when, feeling weaker than normal, I started to do the lower impact version of the exercise she'd given us, and she came over and said "Oh come on Sarah, you can do donkey kicks!" And she's right, I could. Whether it was the best thing for me at that particular time, I'm not sure, but I know that I felt great at the end of that class, and I think if I can manage to take a little bit from both philosophies, I'm going to be feeling fit way beyond the realm of the physical.
Oh myy
Oh myy gosh
Baby let me love you downnn
There's so many ways to love ya
Baby I can break you downnn
There's so many ways to love ya...
Yep, and there's a lot of ways to love me too. Two weeks in a row on Tuesdays, I've been to yoga in the morning and functional fitness in the evening. And the juxtaposition of the two are really fascinating to me. Yoga and fitness, though they can both help you arrive in a place you want to be, have very different philosophies. When practicing yoga, we emphasize compassion for and acceptance of ourselves; in a fitness class, we're unabashedly there because we want something about ourselves to be different, and the instructor does too -- that's her job, and her mindset.
So when, this past Sunday at a yoga class, I was having a difficult time with Warrior III and decided to work with an easier modification of the pose, the teacher made a point to say: "Really nice Sarah." Contrast that with my experience last night in my fitness class, when, feeling weaker than normal, I started to do the lower impact version of the exercise she'd given us, and she came over and said "Oh come on Sarah, you can do donkey kicks!" And she's right, I could. Whether it was the best thing for me at that particular time, I'm not sure, but I know that I felt great at the end of that class, and I think if I can manage to take a little bit from both philosophies, I'm going to be feeling fit way beyond the realm of the physical.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Open Arms
Continuing to process the tough feelings brought up by watching Eat Pray Love yesterday, I decided to try a little home remedy with the same prescription.
Eat: I made myself a delicious Italian dinner complete with a really yummy glass of red wine. I can totally see how eating like this can help heal...
Pray: I did the forgiveness meditation with Jack Kornfield. It has three parts -- forgiveness from others for harms I have caused, forgiveness for myself, and forgiveness for others who have harmed me. The movie (and of course the book on which it is based) deals most prominently with the need to forgive oneself. And it is huge. It also has two components -- the need to forgive yourself for harming, betraying or abandoning others, and the need to forgive yourself for harming, betraying or abandoning yourself. I think it was the latter that brought up the most sadness for me last night.
Love: With my current love interest so far away, I had to turn to music to feel the love as I crawled into bed last night. And it was this song that really spoke to me. The version that is on my ipod is a cover by Low, but I couldn't find that version on you tube. Which is just fine, because the original by Journey is amazing:
So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms
Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay...
I also stumbled on this little gem on youtube -- could Zack be any cuter, expressing his love Journey-style? I don't think so!
Eat: I made myself a delicious Italian dinner complete with a really yummy glass of red wine. I can totally see how eating like this can help heal...
Pray: I did the forgiveness meditation with Jack Kornfield. It has three parts -- forgiveness from others for harms I have caused, forgiveness for myself, and forgiveness for others who have harmed me. The movie (and of course the book on which it is based) deals most prominently with the need to forgive oneself. And it is huge. It also has two components -- the need to forgive yourself for harming, betraying or abandoning others, and the need to forgive yourself for harming, betraying or abandoning yourself. I think it was the latter that brought up the most sadness for me last night.
Love: With my current love interest so far away, I had to turn to music to feel the love as I crawled into bed last night. And it was this song that really spoke to me. The version that is on my ipod is a cover by Low, but I couldn't find that version on you tube. Which is just fine, because the original by Journey is amazing:
So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms
Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay...
I also stumbled on this little gem on youtube -- could Zack be any cuter, expressing his love Journey-style? I don't think so!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Borderline
Having written 65 posts to date, I have to say I'm surprised that this is the first appearance of the material girl. She was a huge formative influence on me, but when I heard this tune today, I heard something different than what I heard when my cousin and I used to sing Madonna songs and write her lyrics in the sand.
This time around, what I heard was an insightful take on being pushed to the edge by love, on continuing to give even when we don't get what we need in return. This, I think, is the true tragedy of a failed marriage: both parties feel pushed to that same edge, both want to shout:
Just try to understand
I've given all I can
'Cause you got the best of me.
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind.
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline...
Check out this classic video of Madonna -- totally makes me miss the 80s!
I also saw the movie Eat Pray Love this afternoon -- an excellent watch for anyone who is themselves dealing with the monumental losses sustained both within a lonely marriage and once outside it. I think my favorite takeaway from the movie is the suggestion that it is ok to continue to love and continue to miss those we are no longer with -- but if we can do that by sending the person love and light and then dropping it, rather than attaching to the pain or the longing, we can leave both parties free to engage in something that holds more promise for happiness.
This time around, what I heard was an insightful take on being pushed to the edge by love, on continuing to give even when we don't get what we need in return. This, I think, is the true tragedy of a failed marriage: both parties feel pushed to that same edge, both want to shout:
Just try to understand
I've given all I can
'Cause you got the best of me.
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind.
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline...
Check out this classic video of Madonna -- totally makes me miss the 80s!
I also saw the movie Eat Pray Love this afternoon -- an excellent watch for anyone who is themselves dealing with the monumental losses sustained both within a lonely marriage and once outside it. I think my favorite takeaway from the movie is the suggestion that it is ok to continue to love and continue to miss those we are no longer with -- but if we can do that by sending the person love and light and then dropping it, rather than attaching to the pain or the longing, we can leave both parties free to engage in something that holds more promise for happiness.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Shadowboxer
Having once again waded into the morass that is my conflicted feelings about my family, I can feel the harsher part of me return and I can feel the temptation for my heart to close. I am feeling it and letting it pass through me rather than allowing it to take hold, but it occurs to me that if ever music was a marker about how I feel, the distance from the "Something Good" self to the "Shadowboxer" self is pretty great:
Once my lover, now my friend
What a cruel thing to pretend
What a cunning way to condescend
Once my lover, and now my friend
Oh, you creep up like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let your love abound
And you bring me to my knees
Oh, it's evil babe
The way you let your grace enrapture me
When well you know I'd be insane
To ever let that dirty game recapture me
You made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I been swinging around 'cause
I don't know when you're gonna make your move...
Then again, it isn't really far at all. They're both a part of me -- the shadowboxer and the bright-eyed singing governess. And I trust the governess will be singing a more hopeful tune again very soon.
Once my lover, now my friend
What a cruel thing to pretend
What a cunning way to condescend
Once my lover, and now my friend
Oh, you creep up like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let your love abound
And you bring me to my knees
Oh, it's evil babe
The way you let your grace enrapture me
When well you know I'd be insane
To ever let that dirty game recapture me
You made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I been swinging around 'cause
I don't know when you're gonna make your move...
Then again, it isn't really far at all. They're both a part of me -- the shadowboxer and the bright-eyed singing governess. And I trust the governess will be singing a more hopeful tune again very soon.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Bittersweet
Today I took my kids to my Uncle's farm to see their cousins. It was a beautiful day, if a little on the cool side for my liking, and in many ways it felt nice to be there. One of my favorite moments was driving the Quad Runner through the woods with my daughter and my niece holding tightly to my back. As they told me which way to go on the paths around the cornfields, sighting the farm from a distance, they shouted to each other: "Is that our farm? That's our farm!" So sweet.
And then there was the bitter. I hadn't been back to the farm since we had the memorial for Mary, who is buried at a cemetery near the farm. I went with my sister and my cousin (her husband) to the graveyard to see the bench that now serves as her headstone. Unable to talk with him about the incredible loss he'd sustained, I laid down on the bench, and let the tears come.
Running back from the cemetery to the farm, I could hear Big Head Todd singing:
It's bittersweet, both and sweet and bitter, bitter and sweet
It's a bitter sweet, surrender
It's bitter sweet, both sweet and bitter
Bitter and sweet, It's a bitter sweet, surrender...
Mary always loved that song.
And then there was the bitter. I hadn't been back to the farm since we had the memorial for Mary, who is buried at a cemetery near the farm. I went with my sister and my cousin (her husband) to the graveyard to see the bench that now serves as her headstone. Unable to talk with him about the incredible loss he'd sustained, I laid down on the bench, and let the tears come.
Running back from the cemetery to the farm, I could hear Big Head Todd singing:
It's bittersweet, both and sweet and bitter, bitter and sweet
It's a bitter sweet, surrender
It's bitter sweet, both sweet and bitter
Bitter and sweet, It's a bitter sweet, surrender...
Mary always loved that song.
Friday, September 3, 2010
These Boots are Made For Walking
Fall's here today, the way it always arrives in Wisconsin, much too suddenly for me.
Lots of other people were really psyched about the cooler weather, and I found a couple of reasons to celebrate it myself. When my son asked me to play soccer with him, as he does every day that he's with me, I had at least twice as much energy as I've had on the hot, humid days just passed.
And then there's the real reason I'm willing to tolerate a drop in temperature: boot season! As I pulled on my honey-colored cowboy boots this morning, my feet were happier than they've been in months, with the exception of my pesky slow-to-heal pinky toe that I broke back in May.
Yesiree, Nancy Sinatra had the soundtrack for my day today -- and what a hottie she is in this video:
Are you ready boots?
Start walking!
Lots of other people were really psyched about the cooler weather, and I found a couple of reasons to celebrate it myself. When my son asked me to play soccer with him, as he does every day that he's with me, I had at least twice as much energy as I've had on the hot, humid days just passed.
And then there's the real reason I'm willing to tolerate a drop in temperature: boot season! As I pulled on my honey-colored cowboy boots this morning, my feet were happier than they've been in months, with the exception of my pesky slow-to-heal pinky toe that I broke back in May.
Yesiree, Nancy Sinatra had the soundtrack for my day today -- and what a hottie she is in this video:
Are you ready boots?
Start walking!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
9 Crimes
Up late talking on the phone tonight, I put the ipod on shuffle before going to sleep. I found this number by Damien Rice to be a hauntingly beautiful melody. This is the first time I've heard it, and I'm going to have to give it a few more listens, but here are some of his powerful words:
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
As I drifted off to sleep, I felt grateful for my freedom to explore something new, and compassion for those who are in the position he's singing about here...
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
As I drifted off to sleep, I felt grateful for my freedom to explore something new, and compassion for those who are in the position he's singing about here...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Something Good
This morning one of my favorite work buddies busted me listening to this song when he walked into my office. When I turned around he said: "Oh my god! You're glowing! You had sex!" And then I had to explain to him that actually I haven't, recently, but I do feel like I have, and I don't mean the empty one-night-stand wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am variety either. I mean the languorous, lingering variety. I can't fully explain it, except to say that I have the sense that all of what I've wanted in a man, in a relationship, in a marriage, in a family, is coming my way.
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked miserable past
I must have had a moment of truth...
The Sound of Music is one of my favorite movies of all time, but youtube let me down a bit in terms of having a clip of Maria & the Captain singing this song to each other. So we'll just have to make do with this one of Julie Andrews -- and I had to turn the volume all the way up to hear it:
For here you are
Standing there
Loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth
Or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Sometimes the comments on youtube make up for the crappy sound or the lack of the version you want -- and you have to love this comment on the page from this song:
"Julie Andrews is more than a legend. She's a UNICORN."
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked miserable past
I must have had a moment of truth...
The Sound of Music is one of my favorite movies of all time, but youtube let me down a bit in terms of having a clip of Maria & the Captain singing this song to each other. So we'll just have to make do with this one of Julie Andrews -- and I had to turn the volume all the way up to hear it:
For here you are
Standing there
Loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth
Or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Sometimes the comments on youtube make up for the crappy sound or the lack of the version you want -- and you have to love this comment on the page from this song:
"Julie Andrews is more than a legend. She's a UNICORN."
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