Me and Bobby McGee

I can always count on Janis to help me through the big stuff. She has this way of cutting to the heart of an experience that showcases both its beauty and its pain -- this song is a fine example:

From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,

Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.

Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done,

Hey Bobby baby kept me from the cold.

One day up near Salinas, I let him slip away,

He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it,

But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday

To be holding Bobby's body next to mine.

I recently had the good fortune to share the secrets of my soul with a man who was really able to meet me where I am and celebrate with me all that I've worked so hard to cultivate in myself-- open-heartedness, passion, zest for life. Having experienced such a powerful connection, it is extremely difficult to let it go. And though I wouldn't trade all of my tomorrows for anything, the draw back to that safe, warm physical presence can be pretty strong. At least for the moment, though, I'm going to need to keep myself from the cold.

In our last conversation, as I tried to explain why I needed him to let me go, he said something that really touched my heart:

"You're free to go, kid. Don't let me hold you back."

Which I think is why this song popped into my head today, as I ponder where I stand on Janis's classic refrain:

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose...

My Baby

This is one of those days when the song picks me, and at first blush, I thought the selection a bit cruel given that I am feeling like my baby is really far away, and although this past weekend I was able to enjoy what she sings about in this song:

And when I wanna reach out my hand
It always seems you hold me, dear...

I'm not able to enjoy it anymore. But seeing her in this video, the selection seems not at all cruel and completely empowering - -she inspires me so much that I know when I hear this:

And when they tell me love is pain
I said it might be true for you, honey,
But not for Janis no more, no no no no.

That it's not true for Sarah anymore either. No no no no.

A Woman Left Lonely

I love Janis Joplin.

I was feeling uneasy this evening, and so I turned to one of my favorite tonics -- the non-alcoholic variety given my Uncle's passing -- guided meditation. I was feeling pretty serene after listening to 30-minutes of "Mind Like Sky" when itunes shuffled straight to this number -- one of Janis's beautiful, quieter tunes.

And although I'm not there at the moment, I can say from personal experience that she speaks the truth when she says:

A woman left lonely will soon grow tired of waiting,
She'll do crazy things, yeah, on lonely occasions...

She's another one that we lost to the desire to lose herself -- thank goodness she left behind so much amazing music and so many great pics of her wearing her crazy shades!