I can always count on Janis to help me through the big stuff. She has this way of cutting to the heart of an experience that showcases both its beauty and its pain -- this song is a fine example:
From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,
Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done,
Hey Bobby baby kept me from the cold.
One day up near Salinas, I let him slip away,
He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it,
But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday
To be holding Bobby's body next to mine.
I recently had the good fortune to share the secrets of my soul with a man who was really able to meet me where I am and celebrate with me all that I've worked so hard to cultivate in myself-- open-heartedness, passion, zest for life. Having experienced such a powerful connection, it is extremely difficult to let it go. And though I wouldn't trade all of my tomorrows for anything, the draw back to that safe, warm physical presence can be pretty strong. At least for the moment, though, I'm going to need to keep myself from the cold.
In our last conversation, as I tried to explain why I needed him to let me go, he said something that really touched my heart:
"You're free to go, kid. Don't let me hold you back."
Which I think is why this song popped into my head today, as I ponder where I stand on Janis's classic refrain:
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose...
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