Take it All Back 2.0

Taking in the natural beauty of the U.P.!

We heard this number in the car today during our travels:

And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

Hey, my life is real great, feel I'm well on my way to my dreams coming true and I'm getting to do it with you
And it feels so nice when the people sing along, they're singing along with the banjo

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you, yeah
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

It feels like this song has a lot to say about this point in the life of my man and me. Our journey to this point has been beautiful and adventurous and joyful and passionate and it has also been painful and crushing and difficult and confusing.

Most of me is on board with the present moment, the one in which he's here with me and we're committed to living our lives together. There's also a part of me who is still sad, angry, hurt, worried and afraid. This part of me is both the jilted lover and the abandoned child, and sometimes those two are difficult to disentangle.

Lucky for me, my lover is patient and kind and contrite and awake, so I get to feel my feelings when I have them and we get to process them together.

More than that, we get to BE together. Every day and every night. And that is an incredible gift:

And one day we might have a big house with nice cars and fancy clothes and a wife with a big ol' diamond ring
Cause the people they're dancing along, they're dancing along to the mando' and some sort of hip-hop beat

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up
I'm waking up

But I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you
And I'd take it all back, take it all back, take it all back
I'd take it all back just to have you

Hey, my life is real great, feel I'm well on my way to my dreams coming true and I'm getting to do it with you

Yup. And I'm sooooooo grateful!

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes

You can't see it but there's a baby crane in this pic!

I heard this song a few days ago and thought about blogging about it, but didn't. And then I heard it again today -- probably the only two times I've heard it in the last year -- so it feels like I'm supposed to use it:

She's a rich girl
She don't try to hide it
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes

He's a poor boy
Empty as a pocket
Empty as a pocket with nothing to lose
Sing Ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes

People say she's crazy
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Well that's one way to lose these
Walking blues
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes

She was physically forgotten
Then she slipped into my pocket
With my car keys
She said you've taken me for granted
Because I please you
Wearing these diamonds

And I could say Oo oo oo
As if everybody knows
What I'm talking about
As if everybody would know
Exactly what I was talking about
Talking about diamonds on the soles of her shoes

She makes the sign of a teaspoon
He makes the sign of a wave
The poor boy changes clothes
And puts on after-shave
To compensate for his ordinary shoes

And she said honey take me dancing
But they ended up by sleeping
In a doorway
By the bodegas and the lights on
Upper Broadway
Wearing diamonds on the soles of their shoes

And I could say Oo oo oo
As if everybody here would know
What I was talking about

Love, love, love Springtime at the Capitol!

I mean everybody here would know exactly
What I was talking about
Talking about diamonds

People say I'm crazy
I got diamonds on the soles of my shoes
Well that's one way to lose
These walking blues
Diamonds on the soles of your shoes

Now I do not have diamonds on the soles of my shoes, but then again, I don't have the blues either. Not when there is so much beauty in this world:

Cranes!

Baby Cranes!

Tulips!

Oh my!

Fight Song

Seen on my ride this am: Coolest lily color ever!

Today was just a phenomenal summer day. It started with a bike ride that took me past the prettiest lilies ever: See for yourself at left.

The destination for my morning ride is also pictured: My friend's pier, the site of our Ashtanga practice this morning, which was so incredible!

Later in the day, I went to watch my son play soccer, and then took my mountain bike over to Quarry Ridge to do some riding. There were lots of people there, which actually turned out to be a good thing (normally I like the solo time).

I was riding really well, making all the climbs, feeling really good, and even had a group move over for me as I came down. I chatted with them a bit both during and after the ride -- they said they meet there every Monday, etc. -- and for the first time I felt like I might be at the point where I feel ready to join a group like that.

I got in the car after the ride and heard this song of empowerment, which felt fitting:

Setting for my morning yoga practice: Amazing!

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Yes I do.

This was also a song that the retreat leader played on the retreat I went on with my trauma recovery group, so this feels like a good time to mention that I've decided to stop being a part of that group. It has been such a wonderful, healing experience for me, but now I feel ready to write my story and live my life, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do!