I've been intrigued with addiction for a long time, and although I've had my moments of excess, I've always been able to chill when necessary if a habit gets out of control -- alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine are all substances I've had to walk back over the years.
A couple of years ago I was reading a fascinating article in The New Yorker about addiction, and as I read about the drug addicts and alcoholics in rehab, I was feeling pretty smug about the fact that it hadn't ever come to that for me. I'm not an addict, I thought, just like this sexy Sarah sings:
It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on
the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)
And then I got to the section of the article that broadens "the beast" to include the unavailable man and, just like Sarah Bettens, I realized maybe that's a lie.
A couple of years have passed and lots more healing has occurred since my initial read of the article, and I think I've made considerable progress in this department. The men I choose just keep getting more available. Still, it's the closest I come to being a junkie, and it's a good lesson for me in how booze or smokey treats are for some people. Me, I can enjoy those vices, but I can take them or leave them, and if I decide to leave them, I don't keep focusing lots of my energy on them. Not so with the mens...
