Forgive Me

It had to hit me eventually. The immense grief that comes from letting go of a love. Sure, I've done it before, but never like this. Never when it still feels so right and still has so much promise, at least the way I've worked it out in my own mind. But my love says no, he cannot see himself in that same vision, and I am forced to let it go.

I started the week off fairly zen, but now I seem to be trading sadness for anger, anger for sadness. Tonight when I was reading to my son, he said that he wished my love was still here, and I started to cry. Sometimes I feel up to putting on a brave face, saying our lives have been and will continue to be enriched by his presence, but tonight my face is anything but brave.

This morning, feeling heavily laden with these same feelings, I stumbled on this song, which helps express the anger and the sadness I have about the distance between what he said and where we are now:

You read about love in a book somewhere
Then you read it out loud what you found in there
And you had me for days and you had me for months
And I hope you've enjoyed your time of fun
Oh, forgive me
For running down your door
I thought all those fancy words were yours
I'm treated with cold, cold kisses
And I'm treasured like a piece of junk
I call you up to say I love you
You only call me when you're drunk
And still you keep me hanging around
Like I was some old sofa you found in a second-hand store
Oh, forgive me
For running down your door
I thought all those fancy words were yours
I promise I won't do that anymore
I promise I won't do that anymore