Only Happy When it Rains

I've had a tough couple of days. I'm not sleeping that well, and when I wake up, I don't feel rested. Falling asleep is difficult, and when I wake during the night, I've been feeling afraid, which used to be common for me, but hasn't been for quite some time.

I'm not sure exactly what is responsible for these feelings, but this morning as I laid in bed listening to the first thunderstorm complete with soaking rain in weeks, this song came to me:

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

I remember when this song came out. One of my friends really loved it, and it always sort of baffled me, since I felt the opposite. Fifteen years later, I can see a couple of things that I couldn't see then. One, that the lyrics are likely tongue-in-cheek, and two, that ideally, one wouldn't crave all sunshine or all darkness, because both would lead to disappointment much of the time.

This is a concept I'm working on with my kids. I feel like I spend a lot of time managing their negativity and impatience, and sometimes it feels something akin to what Shirley is singing about here:

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me

And when they do that, it takes its toll on me. I really want to help teach them that for the most part, going through life that way is a choice, and it isn't a choice that leaves much room for joy. This morning I listened to the introduction to a meditation that said that gratitude naturally makes way for joy, and decided to put my focus there both for myself and in teaching them how to choose a lighter way of being.

Reading these lyrics, I'm also reminded of what my therapist suggested when I told her about this issue. She said to have a little fun with it, to try to show them how absurd the level of negativity can sound sometimes. I'm not sure that feels right to me as a parenting strategy, but this song sure nails it!

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains