Bad

Gonna miss this guy!

This gorgeous song was running through my head last night and this morning after a pillow-talk convo with the New Englander:

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would let it go
Surrender, dislocate

If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay, see you walk, walk away
Into the night, and through the rain
Into the half light and through the flame

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away, see you break, break away
Into the light and to the day

Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!

To let it go and so to fade away
To let it go and so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake, wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no, no

If you should ask, then maybe
They'd tell you what I would say
True colours fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colours crash, collide in blood-shot eyes

Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would let it go

Because, you see, if he could, I know he would. Make the changes that would make our lives together fulfilling and harmonious. I know he would.

But it doesn't work like that. That's the hard lesson I'm (we're?) learning.

And so we're going about our daily life, which feels almost normal, except for the fact that we are breaking up and he's packing up to move back to New Hampshire.

Which tells me we could've gone on like this forever, or at least a lot longer, allowing the good times to buoy us through the bad. But I feel certain that would be shortchanging both of us, and offering us less than the ease, peace, happiness and fulfillment that is available to each of us:

This desperation, dislocation
Separation, condemnation
Revelation, in temptation
Isolation, desolation
Let it go and so fade away
To let it go, oh yeah, and so fade away
To let it go, oh no, and so to fade away

Yeah U2, we two are gonna let the romance fade away. Here's hoping we can keep the friendship going.

In the meantime, your last few lines are true for me right now too:

I'm wide awake, I'm wide awake
Wide awake, I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no, no

Not for long, most nights these days. My system knows change is afoot...