Landlocked blues

On this morning of thanksgiving, I am grateful for a lot of things -- my children, friends and family -- and I'm also grateful for this blog. Because it's times like this, when I feel overall pretty solid, but things aren't quite going the way I thought they'd go, or hoped they'd go, that music and writing are such a powerful balm for my spirit.

Up early this morning, I decided to put the ipod on shuffle and see what came up. And it was this sweetly sad song that most got under my skin:

If you walk away, I’ll walk away

First tell me which road you will take

I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day

So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way

You see, last night, instead of having a pre-thanksgiving evening out with my man as planned, I ended up coming home alone after yoga. After getting some sleep, I'm trying to sort through the series of misunderstandings and emotional triggers on both of our ends that led to us walking away from each other last night, and I don't entirely get it, but I think this verse provides some insight:

A good woman will pick you apart

A box full of suggestions for your possible heart

But you may be offended and you may be afraid

But don’t walk away, don’t walk away

I sure hope he doesn't walk away for too long, and if he does, I hope he comes back with a clearer picture of what he wants and needs. It's hard for me to worry too much about it, because I've worked so damn hard to get to a place where I can hear my body and my heart and trust what they are telling me. And they're telling me to keep loving him, keep reflecting back his inherent goodness, and have faith that a love this powerful and this good can't be wrong...

First Day of My Life

Remember the feeling during the spring of the senior year of high school? Every day feels like an eternity because you're so ready to move on to the next phase. (Except those days we cut school and went out to the lake and hung out and had a few -- those were the days we wished would last forever -- but they inevitably turned into another school day.)

I've got some senioritis going on this spring, too, as I finish out the final phase of a long distance relationship and prepare to be living in the same town as my man. It isn't easy, but I'm going to try to make the most of this beautiful day, instead of waiting until he's here, even though I know full well how much more beautiful a day can be when we're together.

Here's a sweet song that beautifully captures the feeling of promise when things just feel right in a relationship:

Yours is the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

I don't know where I am

I don't know where I've been

But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange

You said everything changed

You felt as if you just woke up

And you said,

This is the first day of my life,

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy.

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We'll just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time it's different

I mean I really think you like me...