Oh Love

The merging of my policy & yoga selves

This past weekend was the pre-launch for an organization I'm helping found to train teachers to teach yoga in schools.

It's the confluence of my education policy self and my yoga self and I am so excited about it!

Tonight I attended my first of the weekly group meetings held by the organization, and before the meeting I went with one of the other founding members to a yoga class near her apartment.

It wasn't my style of yoga -- heated room, powerflow -- but the instructor was awesome. At one point, I stopped to rest in child's pose and he came over and pressed down on my low back and then ran his hands up my spine to my neck.

It felt incredible, and after class I thanked him for that gift and told him I knew I loved him from that moment. And I'm kinda serious. He may not actually be my next love -- he has a girlfriend, for starters, and there are many things I don't know about him -- but if he isn't, he is a beacon for the kind of man I want to be with. Super present. That's at the top of my list.

Here to help me mark my return to love are my pals from Green Day:

Oh Love, oh love
Won't you rain on me tonight?
Oh life, oh life
Please don't pass me by
Don't stop, don't stop
Don't stop when the red lights flash
Oh ride, free ride
Won't you take me close to you

Far away, far away
Waste away tonight
I'm wearing my heart on a noose

Far away, far away
Waste away tonight
Tonight my heart's on the loose

Oh lights and action
I just can't be satisfied
Oh losers and choosers
Won't you please hold on my life
Oh hours and hours
Like the dog years of the day
Old story, same old story
Won't you see the light of day

Far away, far away
Waste away tonight
I'm wearing my heart on a noose

Far away, far away
Waste away tonight
Tonight my heart's on the loose

Talk myself out of feeling
Talk my way out of control
Talk myself out of falling in love
Falling in love with you

Oh love, oh Love
Won't you rain on me tonight
Oh ride, free ride
Won't you take me close to you

Tonight my heart's on the loose...
Tonight my heart's on the loose...

Yes it is, and the freedom feels so delicious after so much time in a noose!

Give Me Novacaine

I heard this song this afternoon and it reminded me of how I felt during my yoga class this morning:

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Yep, I felt like the last place I wanted to be was in my body, which you're kinda forced to be when you're in class and on the mat. I hadn't been to the studio since Monday evening because both my wrists and my neck were really bothering me. That, and I paid a visit to one of my favorite healers who reminded me that anything that becomes compulsive is more likely to be feeding the "must fix myself" rather than the "I make choices that are right for myself in the moment." And it had definitely gotten compulsive. I ignored for too long both my sore neck and the feeling that I was hurting myself in some of the poses because I "had" to practice six days per week.

I hope one day I'll be able to find discipline without compulsivity -- right now, I'm not sure I understand the relationship between the two. In any case, I decided to go back to the studio today, but chose a non-Ashtanga class with a different teacher (who just happens to be super hot and completely my type) hoping I'd catch a bit of a break.

It didn't go down that way. This teacher is very hands-on, and at one point, in a supine twist, he came over and pressed down on one shoulder and the opposite hip which felt awesome but also quickly started up the waterworks. I couldn't completely let 'er rip with the tears but I definitely had quite a release and felt completely different after class than I did before it.

That's right, yoga class was my own special version of Novacaine:

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright...