For the First Time

I get a little worried about myself when the inner jukebox shuts off, since I know in my happiest and most creative states there is so often music playing. So I was relieved when this song came on, speaking my truth this morning, even if it wasn't particularly rosy:

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy

Don't give up on me, baby

Still, I felt good about the way I dealt with this lyrical information. I told my boyfriend I wanted to spend some quality time, asked him what that looked like for him, threw in a bit of what it looked like for me, and then put this song on as he came in the door from work, pizza in hand, to a candlelit dinner table complete with wine and salad.

And then we ate, we drank, we talked, we enjoyed each other's company, and we agreed not to give up on each other, as the Script suggested...

Breakeven

Day 2 of blaring internal music, and this time it's these lyrics I keep hearing:

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you...

I object to these lyrics - that is, I believe that others can bring out the best in us but not that they are the best part of us -- but maybe that's just semantics.

I think I'm going to dedicate this song to a friend who is going through a divorce, and struggling with letting go. Few things are harder to deal with:

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh

Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no

I think it's probably true that the heart doesn't break even, but I also think it is true that we are here to learn particular lessons, and when we choose to avoid them when they present themselves, they just come around again.

Small consolation for dealing with being the one with the (perceived) bigger half of the broken heart, but I think those of us who try to take responsibility deserve to get some credit for it...