It's My Life

Good to know the internal ipod didn't suffer too much from so little marking last month: tonight it started in with this number, which I don't believe I've heard in decades, but is certainly apropos of this point in my life:

I've asked myself, how much do you commit yourself?
It's my life, don't you forget
It's my life, it never ends (It never ends)

After a bit of a rough road last weekend, my man and I spent some time apart this week. I just really needed some space so I could try to figure out what was at the root of the pain that came up for me as a result of our interactions. As I've been blogging about recently, my boyfriend's plan to move back East has certainly stirred up feelings for me, but the whole time, my heart has been clear and resolute about not wanting or seeing a need to let him go, no matter where we each live.

On Friday I had a couple of meals out with friends, and I talked about our situation with each of them, hoping to gain some insight or path forward that I couldn't see myself:

Funny how I blind myself, I never knew
If I was sometimes played upon, afraid to lose

The most useful piece of advice was that I should tell him that it is hard for me to be in a position of not knowing if he is committed to us trying to make it work, regardless of Wisco's lack of appeal (for him) and his impending departure.

Saying so really helped open the lines of communication, and now I feel like we are both in a position where we are grappling with these questions:

I've asked myself, how much do you commit yourself?
It's my life, don't you forget

But more ok with the possibility of either outcome, though I've not once been able to speak without crying about the possibility that we might break up for real.

And I reckon that's a sign in and of itself...