The Wolf

Still reeling from the weekend, I decided to pay a visit to an extra special yoga teacher with extra special powers last night. It really helped shift the way I was experiencing everything and I was so grateful.

Then this morning, I heard this song in the car:

Wide-eyed with a heart made full of fright
Your eyes follow like tracers in the night
And the tightrope that you wander everytime
You have been weighed, you have been found wanting

Been wondering for days
How you felt me slip your mind
Leave behind your wanton ways
I want to learn to love in kind
'Cause you were all I ever longed for

And I thought how this recent traumatic event and the contact I had with the New Englander about it just really served to show me that I've never been with someone who is all I've ever longed for, but by God, I deserve nothing less:

Sheltered, you better keep the wolf back from the door
He wanders ever closer every night
And how he waits begging for blood
I promised you everything would be fine

Been wondering for days
How you felt me slip your mind
Leave behind your wanton ways
I want to learn to love in kind
'Cause you were all I ever longed for

Hold my gaze love, you know I want to let it go
We will stare down at the wonder of it all
And I-I will hold you in it and I-I will hold you in it

Been wondering for days
How you felt me slip your mind
Leave behind your wanton ways
I want to look you in the eye
'Cause you were all I ever longed for

Nope, you weren't. You were a lot of really wonderful things and then the rest of what I was looking for, well, I pretended you had that too but you really didn't.

No more pretending! Here's to being real, and staying with myself, with whatever and whoever shows up next. I know that no one man can be all things but I also know in my heart the difference between someone who is all in and someone who isn't, and having run the course with someone I knew for years was in the latter category, I won't be doing that again!