The Search is Over

Lately I've been getting lucky on finding favorite oldies on the radio -- yesterday I heard Straight from the Heart by Bryan Adams about which I've already blogged -- hearing it now made me cry thinking about how straight from the heart I used to get it from the New Englander.

It may be that there will always be an element of sadness to that loss, but there is also a LOT more peace. I'm at the point where I really believe that we both did what we could and that just didn't add up to a long-term partnership.

Today in the car, it was this classic song that had me cranking it up and singing along:

How can I convince you
What you see is real
Who am I to blame you
For doubting what you feel

I was always reachin'
You were just a girl I knew
I took for granted
The friend I had in you

I was living for a dream
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever
The search is over
You were with me all the while

And in some ways, the search is over -- me feeling like I need to do something or say something or be something or have something or weigh something in order to find a man -- that search is most definitely over. I no longer feel like I need to look for it -- I can let it find me.

It helps, I reckon, that some questions of the heart have been answered, and I'm still here to tell about it:

Can we last forever
Will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing
The questions of the heart

No, we can't last forever, New Englander, and yes, we did fall apart. And that sucked, for a while, but it also ultimately led me to where I am now, feeling happier, freer and more grounded than I've ever felt in my life. I recognize now that although we really loved each other, neither of us was able to patiently wait or follow one another through changes:

You followed me through changes
And patiently you'd wait
'Till I came to my senses through
Some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever
The search is over
You were with me all the while

And I know that, as it did for Survivor, my luck will eventually strike like lightning from the blue:

Now the miles stretch out behind me
Loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie, victims of the game
Then good luck, it finally struck
Like lighting from the blue
Every highway's leading me back to you

But this time, the highway will not lead to a dead end. It'll lead to something more like this:

Now at last I hold you
Now all is said and done
The search has come full circle
Our destinies are one...