Reveal Yourself

So today, I was asked to teach at the Breathe for Change summer teacher training. Ashtanga and trauma. Two of my favorite, and most familiar, subjects.

Teaching 50 people Ashtanga was fun. I love sharing that practice.

Telling my story to 50 people, many of whom I'd never met, was, well, revealing.

Cue Dave Davies of the Kinks:

Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself.

Life on earth is so bizarre,
We must find a way to fulfill,
What we really are,
Yes it's true,
I love you,
And there's nothing you do that's wrong,
Find values of your own.

Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
On the living room floor,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Till there isn't anymore.

And it's safe to say that this is, to some extent, my motto. It's more important for me to be real than anything else. I have to be honest. I can't fake it. I lived that way too long to do that to my adult self.

I don't often tell my whole story though, for a variety of reasons. For one, my story includes something that most people find abhorrent: sexual abuse.

And they should find it abhorrent. It is abhorrent. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And it doesn't mean that there aren't many, many people living with its devastating effects on the psyche and the body.

So when I'm asked to talk about my trauma, to a group of teachers training to be yoga teachers, I don't hold back. I don't just talk about the pretty stuff. I talk about just how devastating that sort of developmental trauma is and what the path, or at least my path, out of it looks like:

Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
For there are places even you don't know.
Reveal yourself,
For life is nothing but a movie show,
Or free yourself,
Your heart,
Your mind,
Your soul,
Your sanity,
Just got to see it,
Smell it,
Know that it's reality.

There were so many places I didn't know, for such a long time. I had to create a different reality in order to survive.

But now, as a 45 year old woman, I'm doing a lot more than surviving. I'm living. And I couldn't say that, I wouldn't be doing that, if I hadn't done what Dave is urging:

Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Doesn't matter anymore,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Till there isn't anymore.

Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
And maybe you'll go down in history.
Oh, how much longer must your life remain a mystery,
It doesn't matter if you're thick and fat or thin and long,
You must find out exactly where it is that you belong.
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Doesn't matter anymore,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
On the living room floor.

I get that it was difficult, in some cases excruciatingly painful, for some of those teachers to hear my story. But that doesn't mean it wasn't important for them to hear it, that they shouldn't have heard it.

Quite the opposite. It means they needed to hear it most:

Reveal yourself,
For there are places even you don't know,
Reveal yourself,
For life is nothing but a movie show,
Reveal yourself,
Your heart,
Your mind,
Your soul,
Your sanity,
Just got to see it,
Smell it,
Know that's it's reality,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
Reveal yourself,
It doesn't matter if the world thinks you're right or wrong,
Reveal yourself.