When Love Takes Over

To be totally up front, the inner jukebox has had "My boyfriend's back" by the Angels on repeat all weekend, but the lyrics just really don't work, so I'm overriding in favor of another recent gym staple with much more apt lyrics:

It's complicated, it always is
That's just the way it goes
Feels like I've waited so long for this
I wonder if it shows?

Head under water, now I can breathe
It never felt so good
'Cause I can feel it coming over me
I wouldn't stop it if I could

When love takes over, yeah
You know you can't deny
When love takes over, yeah
'Cause something's here tonight

Something's here tonight alright -- my rosy glow from the reunion over the past 24 hours since my mountain man came back home -- but he's not here tonight, on purpose. You see, even though we're exuberantly saying "game on!" again (he says he never said otherwise, but I did), we're trying to have our nights when we let love take over and have others where we do our own thing.

On a walk with a friend tonight, I was all proud of myself for embracing my love while maintaining some autonomy. "It's been one day!" she said, laughing.

It was a good reminder. I know I'm going to have my weak moments when I'm feeling more like this:

Oh, looking out for you to hold my hand
It feels like I could fall
Now love me right like I know you can
We could lose it all

Speaking of losing it all, I've spent a fair amount of time over the past few days trying to figure out how and why I got to the place where I felt I needed to shut him out. I definitely don't have all the answers, but I do think it may have something to do with my having had this feeling, especially when he was basically living with me and the winter was almost completely snowless:

I'll be loving all the time, it's true
'Cause I want to make it right with you

But I can't make it all ok for him, and he can't complete me or fulfill all my fantasies. It just isn't possible. So I am going to do my best to enjoy it for what it is -- an extremely powerful connection with an extremely compelling human being -- and see where it leads.

At least for today, that's going to be my way of letting love take over...