I Dreamed a Dream

I woke up before my alarm today, which I reckon is a good sign. The last few days I've been feeling like I'm fighting off some germs, but I think I've finally managed to beat it.

I also woke up with a song in my head, which is an even better sign. And though I don't often do this, this morning I found myself giving voice to the lyrics in my head, lyrics from (one of) the greatest musical(s) of all time:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

What an incredible song. I'm not an actress blessed with an incredible voice, like Lea Salonga, Ruthie Henshall, or Anne Hathaway. And I'm not a big British woman with a big voice like Susan Boyle, part of which I am grateful. But it is important to belt out a song every so often, no matter the sound, and I'm going to try to unleash mine more often going forward.

I'm also grateful that I know that love never dies, and I know God is forgiving. And although I've experienced the tigers coming at night:

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

I've also been fortunate to heal those wounds, release that shame and regain that hope. And like Fantine in the play/movie, I've had the good fortune to experience the endless wonder of a great love, and the dream of such a love sticking around is still very much alive for me:

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

The year that I spent in England (91-92), I saw Les Mis in London, and then I saw it again, and I listened to the soundtrack almost constantly. I remember belting out this last verse, in particular:

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

At that point in my life, though I wasn't at death's door like Fantine is, I was heavy with a sadness I didn't understand and didn't have the strength to look at. (I was also heavy with beer and chips, but that's not unrelated to the sadness.)

I think maybe this song came to me this morning, at least in part, because the dream I'm dreaming now is that I will be able to help others face the tigers and weather the storms that life so often brings, allowing them to replace that fear with both the dream and the endless wonder of a great love...