Never Be the Same

Yesterday I read Sheryl Sandberg's post on Facebook about the death of her husband. It was really powerful -- if you haven't read it, I recommend it. Here were my big takeaways and what it brought up for me:

1) Sometimes it feels as if grief will swallow you whole, as if the emptiness you feel will consume you. But losing someone you love leaves you with a choice: you can give in to the emptiness or you can, as much as possible, choose to seek meaning in the life you still have.

I totally hear this, agree with it, and do my best not to let grief consume me. The further out I get from the loss, the easier it is to do this, but it can still hit me like a ton of bricks sometimes.

2) Losing someone you love makes you even more grateful for those you love who are still in your life.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Especially my children. I treasure every day with them.

3) After losing the love of your life, things will get better, but they will never be as good again.

Hmmm. I guess I don't know about this one. I didn't have the experience she had, where you find the love of your life, get married, have kids and expect to grow old together, only to have one of you die. I guess I can see how this might be true for her and people in similar circumstances.

But for me, I see things going one of two ways:

1) I'm going to fall in love again with someone new and realize he was the one I was supposed to be with and marry even though I thought it was the New Englander; or

2) The New Englander is going to have some sort of life-altering moment where he realizes he is worthy of love,  capable of giving and receiving it, and nothing else matters more than that, causing him to show up on my doorstep ready for round 3, or 7, depending on how you count how many times we've tried.

I know number one is more probable. I get that. And I'm good with that, if that's the way it's meant to be. I just feel in my heart that I need to be open to both possibilities.

Speaking of feeling in my heart, as I contemplated the third takeaway from Sheryl Sandberg's post -- about things never being the same -- my inner jukebox pulled out this oldie from Christopher Cross:

It was good for me
It was good for you
Now nothing either of us can say or do
Can change the way you feel tonight
Sometimes love just slips out of sight

Just one thing before you go
Just one thing that you've got to know
No one will ever touch me that way
The way that you did that very first day

And I'll
Never be the same without you here
I'll live alone
Hide myself behind my tears
No I'll
Never be the same without your love
I'll live alone
Try so hard to rise above

The years go by
There's always someone new
To try and help me forget about you
Time and again it does me no good
Love never feels the way that it should

I loved you then I guess I'll love you forever
And even though I know we could never stay together
I think about how it could've been
If we could just start all over again

Guess I'm not alone in maintaining the fantasy, huh, Chris?