Breakdown

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I am working on a book. I've started numerous times before, but this time I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. I mean I'm sure it's just a shitty first draft, as Anne Lamott calls them, but if I could manage to get a whole book written I'd be pumped no matter how much editing it required.

A big part of this book is about the love story of Archie and The New Englander -- that relationship taught me more about myself, about love, about life -- than any that has come before or since. And for a while I think it was too painful to revisit our old emails and letters, but now I feel up for it. Now I feel sort of honored to see the story of us unravel on the page.

Heard this song today and felt it in some respects captured the gist of who we were and who we became:

I saw you
You saw me
That's when I needed you
You needed me
I kissed you
You kissed me
And thought forever yeah
We'd always be
Well I like you
You like me
Seems that we fit so perfectly
You make me feel worthy
And I've let you take care of me

Ohhh
We're alright now,
Gonna break down the breakdown
Move from where we stand
See what we don't want to see

I love you
You love me
Oh but lately
Somethings wearing on me
I've been growing
I've been changing
And seems like you're barely moving

There is nothing we can do to get past this
Nothing you could say
Baby please don't fret
Our time has moved passed us
I love you
You love me
Is it possible we love differently
You need me but I need to
Feel strong baby without you

It's more than possible we love differently -- it's a fact. It's also a fact, as readers of the book will one day fully come to understand -- that the way we loved each other may have been flawed, but it was also really beautiful...