The Middle

The view of Green Lake from the Heidel Haus, where we stayed

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I go deeper into my stuff than usual, I start looking for someone to "blame" for my discomfort. Because being mad at someone is easier than sitting in the middle of my stuff.

That happened this weekend at a yoga retreat in Ripon/Green Lake: the teacher I was working with, whom I've worked with twice before, pushed me to explore the places where I am gripping most tightly. And then I got pissed. At her.

Part of me knew this was what was happening, at least on some level, so I decided to get out my journal and write down the qualities that I was looking for in a teacher: safe, supportive, nurturing, and also challenging me to be/become my best self.

Just a few minutes later, the teacher that part of me had rejected and was already looking to replace made it abundantly clear to me that she was, in fact, the teacher I was seeking. She stopped the workshop, looked right at me, and said:

"I see you Sarah, and I want to support you. I know how hard you are working, and I know your struggles, and I want you to know I'm here for you and will support you to the best of my ability from afar (she lives in New Jersey)."

I was blown away by the clarity of the response, and it had the effect of melting the ice that had started to form a layer of protection around my heart.

She went on to talk about how sometimes in order to feel better, you have to go back through the pain -- the old adage sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

I get that. And I'm up for it. And this song, heard on the way home, is my anthem:

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own (on your own), so don't buy in.
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough) for someone else.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best (just do your best), do everything you can (do everything you can).
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright.