Famous Blue Raincoat

Ok, so it's going to take more than one post to sufficiently mark Leonard Cohen's passing.

This, I determined, while listening last night to his greatest hits, one of which was this beauty:

It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.
I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without Lili Marlene

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --

She sends her regards.

And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear --

Sincerely, L. Cohen

Wow. Just wow. My favorite of all those incredible lines is:

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

I had that experience once, where a man took some of the trouble from my eyes. I wrote about it in this post, which sure feels apropos now that it looks like I might just get to spend a lifetime (at least what's left of it) with the New Englander after all.

I totally get why my friends and likely my therapist will react with concern to me opening myself up for the potential for more pain. I really do. But here's the thing: I love him. He loves me. It would've been great if we could've gotten the job done the first time, both of us ready to enter into a relationship in proportion to what our hearts knew about each other, but that's not the way it went down. It feels like things have really shifted now. I won't know for sure, of course, until we try it again and it sticks this time, or doesn't. Luckily, I trust myself enough to follow the guidance, to read the signs, to stay open and honest with myself about what is happening between us. And that guidance is clear: Here is this man who is crazy about you and who you are crazy about back in your life. Open to it. Choose love. It's so much nicer than the alternative...