Hey That's No Way To Say Goodbye

Yesterday my ex-husband texted me to tell me Leonard Cohen had died, which makes sense since he was the one who introduced me to his music. And I adore a lot of his music, which makes choosing a song to mark his passing more challenging than it would be if he hadn't written so many remarkable songs.

So I started by doing a search of my blog to see which songs I'd written about already, and I was a little disheartened to find not one, not two, but three LC songs used to chronicle the uncertainty and sadness that I was feeling at various points about my relationship with The New Englander:

Closing Time in December of 2012: I'd just closed on the house I've now lived in for four years and thought he'd live in with me, and I was lamenting that I didn't yet know if he would be moving in (he didn't).

Anthem in March of 2014: After learning that he decided it was a mistake to leave Wisconsin, we began making plans for him to return and talked about all we had learned and why it would be different this time around -- that return didn't happen.

If It Be Your Will in January of 2015: I was feeling sad about losing him and hoping that my heart would be stretched by the loss and I'd go on to love again.

And now here I am again, only this time Leonard Cohen is dead, and I'm doing my best to follow my heart, which seems to be saying something like what the poet describes in this song:

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

That seems to be our current consensus. That we still love each other. That we're not ready to say goodbye. Revisiting the past, as I did inadvertently while creating this post, there are all sorts of reasons to worry that it won't work. And I'm keeping all of them in my awareness, but I'm not going to let them dictate the present (or the future)...