Roar

Roar is all I can do right now. I am so incredibly angry and disappointed that a brilliant, tireless public servant can lose an election to a confirmed racist, xenophobe, sexist, misogynist, inexperienced tyrant. It is so hard to believe that this country could really choose Trump over Clinton.

In between roars, I remind myself that if I believe that love trumps hate, and I do, that means more love is needed now than ever. I keep reminding myself what the Buddha said: "Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is an ancient and eternal law."

It's gonna take a lot of love to heal these wounds.

It doesn't help at all for me to have Clinton's concession speech be anything other than speaking truth to power -- and that's what I believe is called for in times like this. Instead she spouts bullshit about how all the young girls listening should never doubt that they can achieve their dreams.

Really? I beg to differ. I think a more accurate statement is that if you are a woman, you will very likely have to fight harder your whole life, still get less and fall short of achieving your dreams so long as there is a man around to take it away from you.

What gets to me the most, though, isn't wage disparity or people not voting for women because they are afraid it will make America appear weak (and I heard someone on NPR saying just that). That's upsetting enough. But what really gets me is that a man of whom America has seen a video of him saying that he has the license to grab a woman by the pussy without even asking -- that he is somehow the choice to be the leader of the free world.

I don't f$%^ing get it.

So I'll just roar, along with my friend Katy Perry:

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sit quietly, agree politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)

Get ready 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Now I'm floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)

Get ready 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

(You're gonna hear me roar)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

(You'll hear me roar)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me roar...

Yep. I'm pretty sure you just did...

The One That Got Away

U.P. here I come!

I've been trying to hold it together through this whole mice in the house ordeal, but this morning when I was trying to practice yoga, the sound of the mice chewing on the poison that the pest control people left on Wednesday was all too much.

I decided to turn on music to drown it out, and that worked for a while, but I was already feeling raw emotionally -- so much so that Katy Perry sent me right over the edge:

In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

I know! Katy Perry. It's just that I was preparing for my road trip to the UP sans the one who not only got away from me in general but used to get away with me up there, and I just lost it.

Then I lost it again in the car when I was leaving a friend a voicemail, and, well, let's just say it happened repeatedly during the long journey and is part of the reason I expected this trip to be a catharsis and that I was ok going by myself.

But here's the thing: This is not another life. This is my life. I am single. I am fit. I like mountain biking and camping especially in beautiful weather and beautiful places. I don't know a lot of people who are both free to get away and who enjoy the same kind of weekend. So I am making it happen!

Unconditionally

It's always been a little bit of a let down for me when I realize a song that's been playing in my head is Katy Perry's, but the video for this one makes me think twice about that judgement. She seems really exposed here -- no makeup, props, fancy clothes, or flashy bright colors -- and the song has some pretty lovely elements too:

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

It's a nice idea, this unconditional love of which she sings, but I once heard someone say that the only people deserving of unconditional love are children. Certainly my children were my first teacher, and my kids are in fact the only two people in the world that I have absolutely no fear around loving. And that's a pretty terrific feeling. It's like there's no choice about it, so you just settle right in.

Seems like it makes sense to try to carry that into a romantic relationship to the extent that it is possible. I mean, there's the difference that as adults we all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves in a relationship. But we can still make the choice, and then settle in:

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you, I love you

About three and a half years ago, I met someone whom I discovered I was capable of loving in this way:

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Or at least mostly in this way, because I'd be lying if I said there was no fear --at any point in our relationship -- but any fear I've had, then or now -- has always been dwarfed by the love.

Time to take some advice from Katy Perry? Call me crazy, but she seems to know what she's talking about it here:

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

Firework

This was one of the choral selections in my son's spring concert tonight -- and not one of his faves. He was definitely a reluctant participant in that portion of the night's entertainment, but once he had a second row chair and a big old trombone on his lap, he started feeling right at home:

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Love those the school events for showcasing what's inside of all those amazing kids!

I Kissed a Girl

Ever since I was a little girl, I have often been unable to resist the temptation to say something that I know will get a rise out of someone.

This morning was a fine example. I went to the coffee shop closest to my place of employment (for one more week) to get my Cafe Americano, and as usual, I chatted with the friendly barista while I waited for my brew. The person in line before me had announced that his girlfriend was in town, and when it was my turn to chat about what my weekend had in store, I told him that I wasn't sure -- but my girlfriend was not in town. He smiled, and then I said "I don't really have that kind of girlfriend" and he said "Whatever Sarah, you just outed yourself, you can't take it back now."

I laughed -- I found the whole thing amusing, and when I went outside to bask in the autumn sunshine with my tasty beverage, it was this catchy tune I heard in my head.

Speaking of sexuality, while having my coffee, I read Savage Love, which almost always makes me laugh out loud. Today, however, I discovered something very cool that I wanted to pass along here. Turns out that Dan Savage, the sex columnist who writes Savage Love, and his partner, started a youtube site called It Gets Better for gay people to post videos of themselves as happy adults to give hope to young gay teens who are being harassed in their schools. As the column linked above explains, a number of these teens recently committed suicide because things felt so hopeless.

Not that it's particularly deep, but I do appreciate that this Katy Perry song may have taken some of the stigma out of having an attraction to someone of the same sex and acting on it. I hope so. No one deserves to be treated like those poor harassed teens...