I'll Be Your Mirror

I've worked really hard over the years to heal, to come back into my body, to learn to tune in to what I'm feeling, to open my heart... And I'm happy to say it feels like it is finally paying off. Because in the midst of some not awesome external factors over which I have no control, I was able, during the time my love was visiting, to get out of my head and feel. And when I did that, I realized I felt great in his presence. More grounded, more comfortable in the world, more at peace, more loved. So that's what I'm paying attention to -- how it feels to be together -- not whether it fits my master plan.

I came across this quote which perfectly sums up the feeling I'm affirming here:

"More valuable than the treasures of the storehouse are the treasures of the body, and the treasures of the heart are the most valuable of all." Nichiren, 13th Century Japan.

Here we are soaking up some spring sun, Wisco-style

I love that this is something that has always been true, and I love that I finally understand and am capable of availing myself of the treasures of the heart with a man. I've had it down with the kids from day 1, but with a man, it has taken considerably longer.

Shortly before his visit, I read the modern love column about this Lou Reed song:

I'll be your mirror, reflect what you are
In case you don't know, I'll be the wind
The rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

I'd never heard the song before, but it so beautifully expresses much of what is so great about being in love. I chose this song to mark this day because we got to experience just what Lou is crooning about here during his visit, from me helping him see and feel his goodness:

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands 'cause I see you

...to him helping me see and feel my beauty:

I find it hard to believe
You don't know the beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands 'cause I see you

I'll be your mirror

Yes, this visit affirmed that I want him to be my mirror. I love what he allows me to see...