Crucify

I had another one of those nights last night where I'm awakened in the wee hours. It's strange -- it's not like I'm churning something over and over again in my mind, or that I'm in any kind of physical pain -- I'm just awake.

I decided to try to get myself to continue to do the writing I've been trying to do for years, was somewhat successful, and before I knew it, it was time to get up to prepare for my trip to Milwaukee today.

In the car on the way over, I popped in an old CD, one with a song that helped me belt out some of the emotions I was trying to write about when I wanted to be sleeping:

Every finger in the room
is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim

Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog
Beggin' for Love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
my own religion
Please be
Save me
I cry

Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Mine too, Tori, mine too.

Thank you for this song, my fellow redhead. It spoke to me before I understood why, and it sure speaks to me now...