Wedding Ring

Lake Mendota sunset from my friend's backyard

Being home without my kids is much harder than being in DC. I knew it would be, but now I'm really feeling it. I haven't had much energy since I've been home, either, so I haven't made any progress on my to do list.

I did, however, teach two yoga classes today, and log a lot of miles on my bike. And it really was a gorgeous day.

A friend invited me to their Fourth of July party, and before I left home for it, I had a little talk with the Universe. I'm ready, I said, to meet someone new. My friend and her husband are both doctors, so I thought the possibility that some hot, single physician would be there was pretty good.

I was wrong. There were exactly zero single men. The main person I talked to besides my friend was another single woman. She told me about the two men she was dating, and about the consulting business she was starting, and about how "in the flow" she is feeling. Which is great. I'm all for it. I'm just not really feeling like I'm there myself.

So maybe, in a Rolling Stones kinda way, I got not what I wanted but what I needed: To hear from a strong woman who is making her way in the world and attracting the men she wants. To know that it's possible, even if it isn't exactly my current experience. And that's valuable.

But as I walked back to my car alone, and started reading an email from my ex-husband in which he was telling me how much my daughter was missing me, I just started to cry.

And I heard the song that I'd heard earlier today on my favorite show:

What else is new
I'm stuck here waiting for me to get to you
I'm such a fool
It's no wonder people they glad I'm leaving you
And I don't even leave the house much anymore
And I can't even get myself up off the floor
When I do I'm
I'm gonna move out of this winter in the spring
I'm gonna take you out, we can dance and sing
I'm gonna show you, that I'm so much more than I've been in the past
I'm gonna buy you a ring

In so many ways I'm really fortunate. And I know that. But tonight, I feel sad that my kids are on a trip with their Dad without me, missing me. And I feel sad that I didn't get to marry the man I fell in love with after I got divorced -- he never bought me a ring:

Got my guitar, but the pawn shop's closed, tomorrow it opens at ten
It might not go far, but the cash I get isn't going towards the rent
'Cause I've got more important things that I've got to do
Gonna find the ring that I can give to you
And when I do
I'm gonna move out of this winter in the spring
I'm gonna take you out, and we will dance and sing
I'm gonna show you, that I'm so much more than I've been in the past
I'm gonna buy you a ring

I know that I will meet someone, and fall in love again, and get married for real this time. But I also know that until that happens, I'm going to have to be in the midst of coupledom all by myself. And sometimes that's going to feel ok, but other times, it's going to be hard. And that's just the way it is...