Crystallised

En route to DC, I had some time to catch up on back issues of The New Yorker. Among the many things I love about that magazine are the occasional profiles of bands, often bands, like this one, of which I've never heard.

Their music tends toward the melancholy, and as I sit in the airport in DC waiting for my flight home, I'm not exactly feeling melancholy. Not exactly.

But I am tired. And I am facing several more hours of travel in this tired state. And I'm going home to a house that will be empty (except for the pets) for the next 12 days while my kids are on a trip with their Dad. I'm happy for them that they get so many opportunities to travel, and I'm grateful that they have a good relationship with their father that allows them to feel comfortable taking such a long trip without me. But I'll miss them a lot -- more when I'm at home than when I'm on the road.

The song that I found when I looked up this band was this one:

You've applied the pressure
To have me crystalised
And you've got the faith
That I could bring paradise

I'll forgive and forget
Before I'm paralyzed
Do I have to keep up the pace
To keep you satisfied

Things have gotten closer to the sun
And I've done things in small doses
So don't think that I'm pushing you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest

Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh

You don't move slow
Taking steps in my directions
The sound resounds, echo
Does it lessen your affection
No

You say I'm foolish
For pushing this aside
But burn down our home
I won't leave alive

Glaciers have melted to the sea
I wish the tide would take me over
I've been down on my knees
And you just keep on getting closer

Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh

Placid as I melt into the sea
(Things have gotten closer to the sun)
I wish the tide would take me over
(And I've done things in small doses)
I've been down onto my knees
(So don't think that I'm pushing you away)
And you just keep on getting closer
(When you're the one that I've kept closest)

Which is really pretty polar opposite from how I'm feeling. As usual, spending time away from home has made me feel much less stuck. Much less wedded to any particular outcome for my love life or my professional life. Which is a good feeling. Free to be me -- whatever that means and whoever it means I'm going to be doing it with -- the world feels pretty wide open...