Joey

The lyrics from this song have been playing over and over again in my head over the last few days. Although the song is, I believe, about being in love with an alcoholic, if you ignore the references to Joey being drunk and passed out on the floor (I've put those parts in parentheses below), what you're left with is a spot-on anthem for all of us out there who've been wounded in love and are back at it, giving it another shot:

And if I seem to be confused

I didn't mean to be with you.

And when you said I scared you,

Well I guess you scared me too.

But if its love you're looking for

Then I can give a little more

(And if you're somewhere drunk and

passed out on the floor.

Oh Joey,) I'm not angry anymore.

In any relationship, being willing to let go of the anger and being willing to give a little more are what we have to do for love to work its magic. The first verse (pasted out of order here since this wasn't the part I was hearing inside my head) is full of other great nuggets about how we're all in pain, we all put up walls, we all make choices about what to talk to our lovers about and what to keep inside:

(Joey, baby - don't get crazy)

Detours. Fences... I get defensive

I know you've heard it all before -

So I don't say it anymore

I just stand by and let you

Fight your secret war.

And though I used to wonder why -

I used to cry till I was dry.

Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside

(Oh, Joey,) if you're hurting so am I.

And the best that we can hope for, I reckon, is that our loves help by making our wars with ourselves a lot less secretive and little less violent, and that when we get that strange pain inside as we're all going to from time to time, our lover will be there to provide comfort and compassion, which is all we really need to make it through.

It is tempting sometimes to get focused on getting to a space with no internal battles and no strange pains, and even sometimes to wonder whether another partner would afford us that possibility, but ultimately that's not realistic. And since that is the case, resting in the knowledge that I've got someone here ready to give and receive comfort and compassion in the face of painful stuff feels like more than enough. Especially since I've also got wonderful friends who are willing and able to provide comfort and compassion too...