Set Fire to the Rain

Unlike the loved ones closest to me, I get excited every time Adele comes on the radio, and this song is no exception, especially more recently, as my own heart has been experiencing the contradictory (set fire to rain??) feelings that loving someone often brings up.

Thankfully, although I can relate to the falling feelings:

I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me

My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

And I can relate to the "this feels so right" feelings:

When laying with you
I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and me together, nothing is better

I can only sort of relate to the way in which her heart got broken this time around:

'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true
And the games you'd play, you would always win, always win

Because I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone who was willing to show me all of his sides; and I have to believe that the things he said were true, even if sometimes that makes it very hard to understand why things are happening the way they are happening right now; and I don't believe he has ever played games when it comes to loving someone, except maybe with himself.

So I'm not throwing us into the flames just yet:

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that
That was the last time, the last time

Any temptation I've had to do so seems motivated by a desire to protect myself -- and from what? More growth? Continuing to be loved by an extraordinary man? No, I'm trying to protect myself from old wounds and future heartbreak, and I know that both are futile.

But man, oh man, I do hate the feeling that she sings about here -- and it feels unfair that I'm having these feelings when it isn't really over:

Sometimes I wake up by the door
Now that you've gone, must be waiting for you
Even now when it's already over
I can't help myself from looking for you

Maybe the key is to let myself keep looking for him, and reassure myself that he will walk through the door again.

Lucky me!